So Far Gone
by Ebony-Jayne
Summary: They were friends once, a long time ago. Now it seems that they can't stand the sight of each other. What changed to make Santana Lopez hate Rachel Berry so much? And what will it take to bring them back together? Pezberry friendship, Brittana pairing
1. Prologue

Title: So Far Gone

Summary: They were friends once, a long time ago. Now it seems that they can't stand the sight of each other. What changed to make Santana Lopez hate Rachel Berry so much? Pezberry friendship, established Brittana (established as in their relationship on the show up until end of S2).

A/N: Okay so this is So Far Gone 2.0. This chapter and the next will be the same as before but after that it will all change and I will do it in a more linear fashion. I am expecting about 8 chapters of the past then picking up from where we leave off here. Hopefully this will make it easier for me to write and for you to read. For those of you who have stuck with it, thank you so much!

!WARNING!: This story will deal with abuse.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. If I did Brittana would have kissed in the first episode…and every episode after that. Un-beta'd so my mistakes are my own…

Glee!

Rachel silently watched the two girls on her couch and wondered how the hell all of this had happened. Santana was asleep, finally, her head resting on Brittany's lap as the blonde ran her fingers soothingly through her long, dark hair and sang Disney songs to her under her breath. Both girls had swollen, puffy faces and red rimmed eyes from crying so much in the past couple of hours. Santana's bottom lip was very bruised and swollen, although it had stopped bleeding now, and a palm shaped red mark was quickly turning into a bruise on her left cheek, her arms were folded around her, seemingly in an attempt to protect herself from the rest of the world. Rachel could see the hand shaped marks on her upper arms and it made her shiver in disgust. She had every reason to hate Santana, for all the crap she had done to her in the past but she didn't. And even if she did hate her, she would never have wished all of this on her. Not in a million years.

Rachel stood and moved toward the kitchen, smiling reassuringly at Brittany when the girl looked up questioningly at her movements. She found her Dads sitting at the breakfast bar, her Daddy, Leroy, looking on in concern as her Dad, Hiram, spoke to someone on the phone.

"Daddy?" Rachel said softly as she neared the two men. Leroy looked up and gave a sad smile, standing and holding out his arms to his daughter. Rachel stepped gratefully into the warm embrace, tucking her head against his chest and listening hard for the soothing sound of his heartbeat.

"We're going to do everything we can, ok baby? We're going to help her," he murmured softly. Leroy wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more; himself or his daughter.

"Well thank you. You've been very helpful and I'll be in touch," Hiram hung up the phone and sighed, a small smile gracing his lips for the briefest second. "Well they're happy for her to stay with us for the time being. There'll be some paperwork to get sorted out tomorrow," he told the other two.

"They won't send her away will they?" Rachel asked hesitantly. "Like to a foster home or something?"

"Well conceivably they _could_. But, I doubt they will. She has a place to stay where she will be looked after and she'll turn 18 in six weeks anyway so I doubt it'd be worth the time and effort for them to place her," Hiram told her, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"How could all of this happen?"Rachel asked, looking through the doorway to where the two girls still remained in their position on the Berry's couch. She turned to look up at her Dad, her brown eyes wide and sad. "How did it ever come to this?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, Pumpkin," Hiram replied sadly. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Glee

Thank you for reading…


	2. New Girl

Title: So Far Gone

A/N: This is the same as before...thank you thank you if you are bearing with me and welcome if you're new...

Glee!

_**Lima, Ohio. Summer of 2001…**_

Seven year old Rachel Berry sat at her friend Brittany's kitchen table, eating her apple slices and peanut butter and trying her hardest to listen to the story that Brittany was telling. It was so hard though because Rachel didn't want to listen to a story about how Brittany's fat little kitten, Lord Tubbington, was secretly a unicorn, sent to grant her wishes. Rachel wanted to think about when she was a grown up and she was singing her favourite songs on the place her Dads called Broadway.

"Rachel? Did you hear my story?" Brittany asked, her pale face scrunched in a frown.

"Of course Brittany," Rachel replied dutifully. She caught sight of Kate Pierce, Brittany's mom, laughing silently over Brittany's shoulder.

"That's ok. I thought you were daydreaming again," Brittany's smile faded as she added "It's rude to daydream when someone's talking to you Rachel," in her best scolding voice.

"Brittany?" Rachel said, frowning.

"Yes Rachel?" Brittany asked.

"How did you get the peanut butter on your eyelid?" Rachel asked curiously.

"The snack fairies put it there for later…I think," Brittany replied, rolling her eyes up and moving her head around, trying to see the outside of her own eyelid. Rachel shook her head at the girl's behaviour; she was such a baby sometimes. Rachel prided herself on being a big girl, on doing big girl things, and acting like a grown up. But Brittany seemed to prefer acting like she was younger than her seven years. She still got food everywhere when she ate; she talked about unicorns, fairies and angels all of the time and she slept with a nightlight, a blankie and a stuffed toy Elephant that Rachel's dads had picked out for her for her fourth birthday. She had named it Willy that day, giggling wildly as she explained to Rachel that it was because that's what she thought his trunk looked like. Rachel hadn't found that funny at all, because she was a big girl and a serious performer, and big girls and serious performers didn't find rude words funny. Rachel frowned again when she noticed that Brittany had now grabbed hold of her tongue with her sticky fingers and was trying in vain to stretch it up to her eye so that she could lick off the peanut butter.

"Stop being silly Brittany," Rachel scolded with a sigh. She grabbed a wet wipe out of the packet that Kate had set on the table for when they had finished their snack and used it to gently wipe the peanut butter from the little blonde girl's eyelid. She caught Kate smiling again at the gesture but she wasn't sure why. Rachel put the wipe down next to Brittany, knowing she would need it again later, and then went back to eating the last few of her apple slices, while Brittany began chattering about Lord Tubbington promising to quit smoking since Brittany's Daddy was quitting too.

A little while later Rachel was slowly walking home, her little pink backpack securely on her back. She had been so thrilled when her Dad and Daddy had finally agreed to let her walk the few hundred metres between the Pierces' house and their own. She had been asking for a long time and once she turned seven her Dads had told her that in the summer she could walk home from Brittany's by herself after Kate Pierce picked her and Brittany up from dance practice on Mondays and Thursdays. She couldn't walk by herself in the winter though, because dance practice was later and it was too dark too early. It wasn't far to walk; just around the corner and 6 houses down, she didn't even have to cross the road, and since their street curved a little her Daddy could see her come around the corner and keep an eye on her as she walked down the street (and Kate and Brittany always played in the yard until Rachel rounded the corner to keep an eye on her). Rachel always dawdled, she loved the walk and liked to make it last as long as possible. When she rounded the corner today though, something caught her attention and made her quicken her pace; there was a moving truck parked on the street. Rachel stared at the huge truck for a few moments before making her way toward it, curious. When she got closer she could see that the men were moving furniture and boxes into number 8. Two houses before hers. She continued to make her way toward the truck, slowly now, still watching the movers. When she got to the driveway she paused, watching them as they carried things into the large house through the open garage.

A man in nice clothes seemed to be telling the movers where to put the different things they were carrying in. The man had dark skin, not as dark as her Daddy's but darker than her own, with shiny black hair. He smiled when he noticed Rachel watching, revealing perfect white teeth. Rachel smiled back and gave a little wave. As she started to walk again she noticed three more people in the yard, sitting on the grass and watching the movers too. There was a lady, a boy who looked like he could be in high school and, Rachel's heart fluttered in excitement, a little girl who looked to be about her age, with a beautiful pink ribbon in her glossy black hair. They all had tan skin and black hair like the man. The little girl looked up and spotted Rachel, she frowned at her before turning back to watch the movers. She looked sad, Rachel noticed as she started walking again. She guessed the little girl had left her friends behind and was feeling a bit lonely in her new place.

Rachel waved to Mrs Wilson as she walked past her driveway then ran the last few metres to her house finding her Daddy waiting with open arms on the porch.

"Daddy!" she shrieked, throwing herself at him and laughing hysterically as he lifted her high above his head and spun her around a couple of times before setting her down on her feet again, giddy and breathless from the excitement. "Daddy there's new people moving into the Grey's house," she told him. "I saw a man and a lady and a boy and a little girl who might be seven too!"

"Wow that's exciting!" Leroy told his daughter, taking her hand and leading her inside.

"Maybe she can be my friend!" Rachel said excitedly. She skipped off up the stairs to put her bag away and so she didn't see the sad look on Leroy's face. Not a lot of the families in Parkes Estate, the small gated community in Lima, Ohio, wanted their children to play with little Rachel Berry, daughter of those abhorrent homosexual men. God forbid they or their children might 'catch gay' just from playing with their little girl. Leroy felt the anger rise up and took a few deep breaths to push it away. '_It's their problem not mine,'_ he chanted over and over in his head until the anger dissipated. Just in time too, as Rachel came bounding back down the stairs. "Do you think she might be my friend Daddy?" she asked with a frown, picking up where she left off.

"Maybe baby," Leroy said lightly, causing Rachel to giggle at the rhyme.

"I hope she will be. I hope her Mommy and Daddy will let her play with me," Rachel said before skipping over to the piano to practice, leaving a surprised Leroy in her wake. He had thought that he and Hiram had hidden that pretty well from their daughter, but apparently not.

Glee

On Thursday after ballet, Rachel walked quickly toward number 8, hoping to catch a glimpse of the little girl again. She slowed right down as she walked past the driveway. She looked around the backyard and saw nothing. She saw the lady from the other day in a window, watching her as she walked past. Rachel smiled and waved, thrilled when the lady smiled and waved back. She hoped that meant that the lady would let her play with her daughter, but in her heart she knew it probably meant that she didn't know who she was and that she had two Dads yet. Rachel had often asked her Dads why people wouldn't let their children play with her and they had always distracted her and never really answered her properly, so one day she had asked Kate. Kate had explained gently that people were afraid of her because her Daddies were a little different to other parents; she said that some people aren't very accepting of things that are different, but that they're the ones who are wrong. Not Rachel and not her Daddies. Then Kate had looked upset and said she wasn't sure if Rachel's Daddies had wanted her to tell Rachel all of that. Rachel had made a promise in her head that she wouldn't tell. She loved Kate and didn't want to see her in trouble. Rachel shook herself out of her thoughts, realising that she had been standing there for quite a while, and started walking again. When she got to the border of the property where the new peoples' fence met the Wilson's she heard something. A sniffle.

"Hello?" she called out, moving closer to the fence. Another sniffle met her ears. Rachel saw a knothole in the fence and got down on her hands and knees, peering through. Someone was sitting in the corner; all she could see was their arms wrapped around their small, knobbly, scabbed knees. It had to be the little girl, Rachel thought. The arm she could see had a bruise on it and she figured that must be why the girl was crying. "Um are you sad?" Rachel asked, pushing her eye closer to the knothole. Suddenly a very dark brown, almost black, eye was peering back at her through the hole. The eye was red and slightly puffy wet and it was rimmed with the longest, darkest, thickest eyelashes Rachel had ever seen.

"Go away," a little voice called back, hoarse from crying.

"Ok. Bye bye," Rachel stood and backed away from the knothole. She could still see the dark eye peering at her and so she waved before skipping off down the street, waving at Mrs Wilson as always before running into her Daddy's waiting arms, eager to tell him that she had _talked_ to the new girl and to remind him that she really, really hoped they could be friends.

Glee


	3. Dinner

A/N: So picking up where last chapter left off now...

Glee

"Shit," Leroy muttered under his breath when the doorbell rang at the same time the oven timer went off. He yanked the brownie out quickly and set it on top of the oven before yanking his oven mitts off and running for the door. He opened it just as a small Latina woman turned to walk back down the path.

"Hi," Leroy greeted. "Sorry, oven timer went off at the same time as the doorbell," he apologised.

"That's ok," the woman said softly. "I'm Erika Lopez. My husband Marco and I just moved into number eight," she said, holding out her hand to the tall man.

"Leroy Berry, nice to meet you Erika," he replied, reaching out to shake her hand.

"I was talking to Gina Wilson yesterday and she told me that the little brunette girl that I see wandering past our driveway belongs to you and your partner," Erika told him. "She looks to be about the same age as my little girl and so Marco and I wondered if you would all like to come over for dinner on Friday night?" she asked. She cocked her head curiously, dark eyes searching his face when he reacted in surprise at the offer. "What?" she asked.

"Sorry," Leroy recovered himself. "I can't say we get offers like this too often. People tend to want to keep their children away from Rachel," he said, a little bitterly.

"Because you're gay?" Erika asked incredulously, her dark eyes widening even further when Leroy nodded.

"They seem to think that their kids will "catch gay" from Rachel," he shook his head.

"That's kind of awful. Listen Marco and I have no issue with you or your family and I would really love for Santana to make a friend so she's not totally alone on her first day of school," Erika flicked long black hair back over a slender shoulder. "So would you come for dinner?" she asked with a friendly smile.

"We would love to," Leroy replied with a smile. "Can we bring anything?" he asked. "I can make something for dessert?" he offered.

"Sure that'd be fantastic," Erika beamed. "And Mrs Wilson implied that you're Jewish so I'll make sure to cook something that you can eat," she told him. "7pm ok?"

"7pm is perfect," Leroy smiled. "Thank you. Rachel will be thrilled. She's had eyes on your daughter-," he paused unable to remember what the woman had called the little girl.

"Santana," Erika filled in.

"Santana, since she saw you all move in," Leroy told her.

"I'm sure Santana will love her too," Erika smiled. "Speaking of, I'd better get back. I left my son in charge and he's probably doing something mean to her by now," Erika rolled her eyes. "So we'll see you Friday at 7."

"Friday at 7," Leroy echoed. "It was lovely to meet you."

"You too," Erika called over her shoulder as she headed down the path.

Glee

"Rachel you look lovely honey," Leroy sighed in exasperation as Rachel fussed over her outfit in the mirror. It was the third she had tried on that night and Leroy had dryly commented to Hiram that if this was what she was like now, then they were in for it when she became a teenager.

"But Daddy!" Rachel argued. "I have to look perfect to meet Santana!" Rachel had been thrilled to learn the other little girls name and over the moon when she found out that they were going to her house for dinner. She had told Brittany all about it and the blonde had cried when her Mom had said that she couldn't go too. Rachel had promised to draw a picture of Santana for Brittany and bring it over on Saturday afternoon when they got back from the dance competition they were entered in. Rachel didn't want to dance in that one. It was one of the ones where they would make her compete against Brittany and Brittany always won. Rachel hated coming second but Brittany was an incredible dancer and she had never been able to beat her. She always wound up in tears when she came second, and then Brittany would cry too and try to give her whatever prize she had won to make her feel better. Brittany always thought it was her fault that Rachel cried. Rachel's Dads kept trying to explain to the little blonde that Rachel was just frustrated because she wanted to win, but Brittany still managed to turn that around and figure out a way to make it her fault.

"What are you frowning about?" Hiram asked when he noticed Rachel doing exactly that as she inspected her appearance.

"I don't want to dance against Brittany tomorrow," she told him.

"You don't have to," Hiram told her with a sigh. The kid always insisted they enter her in these things and then she would tantrum like a toddler if she didn't win. Like his partner, his daughter was an incredibly sore loser and Hiram got so tired of trying to calm down a distraught Brittany Pierce when she won and thought she had done the most terrible thing in the whole world to Rachel to make her cry like that.

"But I already entered Dad. I can't back out now. It's unprofessional," Rachel stated primly, carefully pronouncing the last word, and Hiram rolled his eyes. Sometimes he felt like their daughter was seven going on twenty five.

"We're going to be late if we don't leave now," Leroy told them, effectively ending the conversation.

"But Daddy!" Rachel shrieked.

"No Rachel. No more changing. You look lovely and we are leaving now," Leroy said firmly. "Don't you dare," he scolded when Rachel opened her eyes as wide as they would go and stopped blinking, trying to summon up some tears. Rachel looked suitably annoyed at being caught out and turned back to the mirror, placing a red headband in her long, neatly combed hair.

"I'm ready," she announced with a flourish, before taking off at full speed downstairs, her black Mary Janes clicking on the hardwood steps as she ran.

"Let's go. Before she changes her mind again!" Leroy said with an exaggerated sigh.

"Yes lets," Hiram kissed him quickly before heading out after their daughter.

Glee!

"Hi Leroy," Erika smiled as she opened the door to find the three Berry's standing on the stoop.

"Hi Erika," Leroy replied. "This is my partner, Hiram, and our daughter Rachel," he introduced.

"Nice to meet you both," Erika replied, reaching out to shake both of their hands. "I'm Erika Lopez. Come on in," she stood back to let them in. She led them into a living area where four other people were sitting. The man Rachel had seen when they moved in stood and gestured to his family to do the same.

"Hello," he greeted warmly.

"This is my husband Marco," Erika gestured to him. "My son Cash, Marcus' mother Rosa and my daughter Tana," Erika introduced.

"Nice to meet you," Marco said, moving to stand in front of the small family.

"You too," Hiram replied. "I'm Hiram, this is Leroy and our daughter Rachel." Marco shook hands with Leroy before crouching down to shake Rachel's as the adults all shook hands.

"How old are you Rachel?" he asked kindly.

"I'm seven years and-," she paused to count on her fingers "-seven months," she finished proudly.

"Wow, you're just a few months younger than my Santana," he told her. "Tana come and say hello to Rachel," Marco called back to his daughter. The small girl - smaller than Rachel even - cautiously moved to stand next to her father. "Rachel this is Tana, Tana this is Rachel. She lives down the road."

"Nice to meet you," Santana replied dutifully reaching out her right hand to shake.

"Nice to meet you too," Rachel replied. "I like your bows," she said, pointing to the light pink ribbons tied in bows on the bottoms of the other little girl's French braids, which hung neatly over her shoulders.

"Thank you," Santana replied, in that same dutiful tone. Her beautiful dark eyes searched Rachel curiously.

"Tana how about you show Rachel your room while we get ready for dinner?" Erika suggested.

"Come on," Santana replied. She reached out and tugged at Rachel's hand as her Mom turned to offer the other girl's Dads a drink. Rachel allowed herself to be led up a staircase to the second floor, past a bathroom and into a room at the end of the hall. "This is my bedroom," Santana told Rachel proudly.

"Wow," Rachel said in awe. The entire room had a pale yellow and dark brown theme with a pretty border separating the two colours on the wall. The border had squares with hearts, flowers and butterflies in them. The brown wallpaper was patterned to look like wood. "It's so pretty," Rachel told her.

"Mi Abuela helped me pick the colours," Santana told her proudly.

"What does that mean?" Rachel asked, scrunching her face in confusion at the unfamiliar term.

"What?" Santana asked, equally confused.

"Ab-Ab-Ab," Rachel tried to repeat the word but couldn't remember how Santana had said it.

"Abuela?" Santana asked.

"Yeah that one!" Rachel nodded furiously.

"Um it means like, Grandmother, in Spanish," Santana explained, scrunching her face again.

"Abuela," Rachel sounded out, looking to Santana for confirmation.

"Yeah," Santana nodded.

"I don't have any Grandparents," Rachel said sadly.

"Did they die?" Santana asked, cocking her head. "Mi Abuelo, um, my grandfather died. That's why Abuela lives with us," she told the other girl.

"My Daddy's mom died-," Rachel was abruptly cut off by Santana throwing her arms around her in a tight hug.

"My mom says I'm supposed to hug people when someone dies," Santana told her, proud of herself for remembering. Rachel giggled. "Did your other Daddy's mom die too?" she asked. Readying herself to give her new friend another hug if needed.

"No. She says my Dad is bad because he's gay. That means he's a boy and he loves a boy. It can also mean a girl who loves a girl though," Rachel informed Santana.

"I know that. Duh," Santana rolled her eyes. "She sounds like a bitch." Rachel recoiled in horror, her brown eyes huge and searching the smaller girl.

"That's a naughty word Santana!" she scolded. "Daddy says it's for grownups with no class!" Santana's dark eyes turned devious.

"My mom says that too. But she can't hear me. I can say anything and not get in trouble," Santana told her, her eyes alight with mischief. She leaned closer to Rachel. "You know Cash? My brother?" she asked.

"Yeah," Rachel said cautiously.

"He's an asshole," Santana told her, before bursting into giggles and clapping her hands over her mouth.

"Your behaviour is naughty Santana," Rachel scolded in a mimic of her fathers as she looked around nervously, afraid of getting in trouble.

"Being naughty is way more fun than being good," Santana told her.

"But you get in trouble when you're naughty. Yesterday, my friend Brittany said the s-word and her mom put soap in her mouth and it tasted yucky and made Brittany's tongue go all bubbly and she cried!" Rachel told her, wide eyed.

"My mom puts curry powder on my tongue and locks me outside," Santana replied with a casual shrug. "I just wash my mouth with the hose. I don't care," she shrugged again.

"Well…you still shouldn't say naughty words like that," Rachel told her, reaching out to squeeze her arm gently, the way her Daddy did when he was saying something serious.

"Ow!" Santana cried out, her beautiful dark eyes filled with tears as she pulled her arm away from Rachel's hand.

"What? What happened? I'm sorry! Let me see," Rachel tugged her sleeve up before Santana could stop her and saw a bruise on her arm.

"It's nothing. I just fell down," Santana sniffled, pulling her sleeve back down to cover the bruise. "Sorry," she said softly and sniffled some more as she tried to pull her arm away, but Rachel wouldn't have it. She caught the other girl's hand and pulled her sleeve up again.

"Aw that's a bad one. It must have really hurt," Rachel cooed softly. Santana stopped crying and watched the other girl as she gently traced the outline of the bruise with her fingertips. "You don't have to say sorry for your bruise Santana. Bruises happen sometimes," Rachel told her sweetly. "Here," Rachel leaned down slowly and pressed her lips very gently to Santana's discoloured skin. "Kisses make it heal faster," Rachel told her, pulling her sleeve back down over her bruise as Santana watched on, seemingly fascinated by her actions.

"Girls! Dinner's ready!" Erika Lopez called from downstairs.

"Yay food!" Santana shouted gleefully. "You should eat fast here cos if you don't; Cash eats all the food before you get seconds. Mom says he's a human garbage disposal," she explained to Rachel as she tugged her by her hand down the stairs. "That's kinda why Cash is an a-hole," Santana announced as they entered the kitchen.

"Santana! Inappropriate language," Marco scolded his daughter.

"I didn't say the actual bad word!" Santana argued sullenly. "A isn't a bad word and neither is hole."

"Enough," Marco said firmly. "If I hear anymore you'll be eating in the garage with the dog." Santana opened her mouth to protest but Marco glared pointedly and she thought better of it, taking her seat at the table. Rachel watched on with interest, intrigued at how Santana ignored the rules and tested her boundaries, seemingly unconcerned with the consequences.

"Sit next to me Rachel," Santana told her, pulling the seat next to her closer and patting it. Rachel quickly clambered up onto the seat, excited to get to sit next to her new friend. Leroy and Hiram smiled at the two girls, happy that Rachel seemed to be getting along with Santana.

"Dad and Daddy Santana's bedroom is pretty," Rachel told her fathers as she spread her napkin over her lap.

"Is it?" Hiram replied. "Santana's a lucky girl then isn't she?"

"Yeah," Rachel nodded in reply. They started dishing up food and eating then, so the conversations trailed off. Santana was the one to break the silence when Cash tried to steal a piece of her chicken off of her plate when she wasn't looking. She caught him and promptly stabbed him in the hand with her fork.

"OUCH!" Cash shrieked, pulling his hand back and examining it for broken skin, all the while glaring at his sister.

"Touch my chicken again and I'll crack one of your nuts, bitch," Santana spat warningly.

"SANTANA!" all three Lopez adults scolded. Rosa stood and pulled her Granddaughter out of the room by her arm, scolding her in angry Spanish along the way. Rachel looked over at her Dads, both of whom seemed to be trying desperately not to laugh.

"I'm so sorry. She gets a little aggressive toward Cash sometimes," Erika apologised. Hiram shook his head.

"That's ok. Kids," he shrugged with a grin.

"Kids with older brothers with potty-mouthed friends who pick on them," Marco replied wearily. "I have no idea what to do with her."

"Search me," Leroy replied. "Rachel's always been pretty good with that kind of thing. Although she doesn't have an older sibling with potty-mouthed friends who pick on her." Santana and Rosa came back in then, the little girl sniffling quietly, her eyes puffy and red.

"Santana, what do you say?" Rosa asked, yanking at the child's arm before she could sit down again.

"Lo siento," Santana replied obediently. Rosa muttered something in Spanish, yanking on Santana's arm again.

"Mami," Marco said warningly at the older woman, his eyes pointedly shooting back and forth between her face and her grip on his daughter's arm. Rosa glared and let the child go.

"I meant I'm sorry," Santana corrected, cowering away from her Grandmother when she released her. The rest of their dinner went smoothly, the adults talked amongst themselves as Rachel tried desperately to get Santana to respond to her. The girl had sat back at the table and then put her head down, keeping in down and not talking to anyone. She had played with the rest of her food, eating a few peas and a couple of little bits of chicken before pushing her plate away. She didn't even take any dessert, sitting statue still and staring at her hands instead. Rachel frowned and served the smaller girl up some of the chocolate mousse that her Daddy had made.

"Santana you should have some mousse," she whispered. "It's yummy. My Daddy made it." Santana peeked at Rachel out of the corner of her eye before dropping her gaze back to her hands. "Here," Rachel scooped up a small spoonful of mousse and pressed it against Santana's lips. "Eat," she prodded at the full bottom lip, trying to get Santana to open her mouth. "Do I have to do the airplane like I do with Brittany?" Rachel asked in annoyance. Santana laughed unintentionally and Rachel took the opportunity to push the spoonful of mousse into her mouth. "See? Yummy." Rachel put Santana's spoon down and smiled when the other girl finally looked up properly from her hands. She smiled slightly at Rachel and picked up the spoon, slowly eating the sugary mousse by herself. Rachel turned to her own plate and a few minutes later she jumped when a cool hand slipped into hers. Santana didn't look away from her plate but squeezed Rachel's hand a little bit.

They stayed that way until they had finished their dessert. Santana was the first to let go, picking up both of their plates and putting them in the dishwasher. Then she led Rachel back upstairs to her room as their parents agreed to have another glass of wine.

"Abuela spanked me!" Santana cried out angrily as soon as the door closed. Rachel put her arms around her, not knowing what else to do. Her fathers didn't believe in spanking so she had no experience with it, aside from that one time last year when Brittany had thrown a huge tantrum and launched the TV remote through the TV screen. Ricky had been so mad. He had spanked her twice and shut her in her bedroom, telling her that she wasn't to come out until morning. When Rachel had finally been allowed to talk to her at bedtime the blonde had curled up on her lap like an oversized cat and clung to her until they both fell asleep.

"Don't be sad Tana," Rachel murmured soothingly, petting her silky, inky-black hair just as she had Brittany's that night. "Brittany's dad spanked her once and she was sad but then she was ok again."

"I'm not sad I'm angry," Santana sulked into Rachel's shoulder. Then suddenly; "I was bad. I'm bad!" Santana whimpered as she clutched at Rachel fearfully confusing the seven year old.

"I don't think you're bad," she offered quietly. Santana took a couple of trembling breaths before pulling away from Rachel and picking up a tatty looking teddy bear off of her bed.

"Who's Brittany?" she sniffled slightly after a few moments.

"She's my best friend!" Rachel told her. "She goes to dance with me and she lives around the corner." Rachel was about to suggest that they all play together one day when Erika opened the bedroom door with Leroy in tow.

"Tana, honey?" she asked softly.

"Yeah?" Santana buried her face in her teddy bear.

"It's time for Rachel to go home," Erika kept her voice soft, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"May Santana come and play with me and my friend Brittany one day?" Rachel asked Erika hopefully.

"Yeah sure. One day," Erika smiled.

"That'll be nice Rach," Leroy smiled. "But right now it's past your bedtime."

"Daddy!" Rachel whined.

"Say goodbye to Santana, Rachel," Leroy instructed.

"Bye Tana," Rachel said dutifully.

"Bye Rachel," Santana echoed at a look from her mother. They had gone downstairs and were about to walk out of the door when light footsteps thumped down the stairs. Santana ran into the foyer at full speed and stopped in front of Rachel. She put her arms around her and hugged her gently before planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Bye," she said quietly, blushing at the 'oh how cute' looks the grownups were giving her.

"Bye," Rachel echoed. The adults said their goodbyes then the three Berrys were heading down the road toward home, Rachel in the middle holding onto her Dads' hands. "Tana's going to be my best friend," Rachel told them as she skipped happily between them.

"What about Brittany?" Hiram asked, shooting an amused look at Leroy over Rachel's head. The little girl pondered for a moment.

"Can you have two best friends?" she asked, her voice unsure.

"Sure you can," Leroy replied.

"Ok then, Santana's going to be my other best friend," Rachel decided happily, letting go of her Dads' hands to sprint up the path to the front door. If only she had known how that friendship would play out…

Glee


	4. Playdate

A/N: I'm leaving this one basically as is...and moving on to the next one.

Glee

It had been two weeks since the Lopez family had moved in down the road from the Berrys' house. It was the second to last Saturday of the summer holidays and finally, finally Rachel was getting her much longed for play date with Brittany and Santana. She had asked her Dads every day for the last two weeks but someone was always busy up until now. Santana and Brittany would be coming at 10.30am and Rachel had been up since six, tidying her room and arranging her toys so that the coolest ones were the most prominently displayed.

"Daddy what time is it?" she yelled downstairs as she arranged her soft toys for about the tenth time that day.

"10.15!" Leroy called back.

"Oh my GOSH!" Rachel shrieked excitedly. The doorbell rang a few seconds later. "I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT!" Rachel hollered as she bolted downstairs as fast as her little legs would carry her. She threw the front door open without even glancing through the window next to it like her Dads always told her to.

"Morning Rach," Kate Pierce laughed as Rachel stood beaming and breathing hard in the doorway.

"Hi," the little brunette said breathlessly. "Hi Britt!"

"Hi," Brittany replied absently, busy staring intently at her shoes. "My mom put ribbons in my shoes instead of shoelaces. Look," she pointed to the pink ribbons threaded through her shoes.

"Come on!" Rachel huffed impatiently, reaching out to grab Brittany's elbow and yank her inside. "Daddy it's Britt and Kate!" she yelled.

"I can see that," Leroy said from right behind her. "Morning Kate," he grinned.

"Hey Lee," Kate leaned up and kissed his cheek as she pressed a plastic container into his hands. "Brittany-safe biscuits," she said as she pulled back, tapping on the box.

"No gluten anymore right?" Leroy clarified.

"That's the one," Kate nodded.

"Think it'll work?" he asked.

"Honestly?" Kate asked and Leroy nodded. "No. But anything is worth a try at this point."

"What is gluten?" Rachel asked, looking back and forth between the two adults suspiciously, her excitement waning as she got distracted.

"Gluten is a protein found in some foods," Leroy tried to explain as simply as he could.

"Oh. Why isn't Britt allowed it?" Rachel asked, curiously.

"Brittany's doctor thinks that her body doesn't like it and that it might be making her eczema worse," Kate explained. "So she's not going to have any for a while and see if her eczema gets better."

"Oh," Rachel said again, clearly not fully understanding the concept but going with it anyway.

"So you need to _ask_ before you guys eat _anything_ ok?" Leroy told her firmly.

"Ok," Rachel nodded.

"Hi everyone," Erika Lopez called out as she reached the door.

"OH MY GOSH SANTANA'S HERE!" Rachel shrieked shrilly as she jumped up and down on the spot making Erika and the other adults burst out laughing and cover their ears.

"Calm down Rach!" Leroy scolded with a laugh. "Hi Erika, hi Santana," he greeted.

"Hi Leroy," Erika replied.

"I don't see Santana," Brittany spoke up, looking for all the world like she was about to burst into tears over that. Erika moved to the side a little then and one dark brown eye carefully peered out from behind her hip. "Oh!" Brittany's expression changed from devastated to thrilled in a split second. "Hi," she waved excitedly. "I'm Brittany! I'm seven and I have ribbons in my shoes!" Santana quickly hid back behind her mother, overwhelmed by the other girls' enthusiasm.

"Aw honey," Erika laughed softly. She crouched down and pulled Santana around to stand between her bent knees. The little girl pressed her back against her mother's chest as tightly as possible. "You've gone all shy," she said as Santana buried her face in her mother's hair. Brittany stared in confusion for a moment before slowly walking forward to stand next to Erika, reaching out to pat the smaller girl's hand gently.

"It's ok," Brittany spoke calmly and quietly as Rachel bounced on the balls of her feet looking miffed that Santana wasn't as excited about all of this as she was. Brittany reached into the pocket of her pink overalls and pulled out her favourite little pink care bear. "You can hold Cheer Bear if you're scared," she told her, holding out the toy. Santana lifted her head a little and reached out slowly to take the offered toy. Brittany beamed happily and moved back again.

"Thank you," Santana whispered quietly, beginning to come out of her shell now that Rachel and Brittany had settled down a bit.

"Want to see my room Santana?" Rachel asked loudly. Santana nodded and bravely stepped away from her Mom. Brittany held out her hand and Santana carefully took it, allowing herself to be led toward the stairs. She heard her mom and the other adults cooing about how cute they were as Brittany slowly led her upstairs, holding onto her hand tightly. "This is my room," Rachel said proudly when they reached the top. Santana looked around eagerly as she and Brittany walked inside. She had never seen so much pink in all of her little life. "It's not as pretty as yours," Rachel said sadly.

"It's still pretty," Santana replied softly. She jumped when a chin landed on her shoulder and turned her head to see Brittany's face right next to hers, blue eyes staring dreamily into the distance. Rachel must have caught onto Santana's confusion because she giggled and quickly explained.

"She likes touching. Dad says she's overly affectionate," she carefully sounded out the big words. Santana looked at Rachel and back at Brittany before shrugging her shoulder hard to try to dislodge the blonde.

"Ouch," Brittany pulled back, reaching up to rub her chin while shooting a hurt look at Santana. Santana looked down at her own shoes and swayed nervously on the spot.

"Santana it's rude not to say sorry when you hurt someone," Rachel told her loudly. Santana shrugged but kept her mouth shut. Behind her Brittany began to sniffle and a whimper escaped her lips as she held her sore chin cupped in her hands. "Look now you made her cry!" Santana flinched at the mad tone in Rachel's voice. Tears started slipping down Santana's own cheeks as she stood trembling in the middle of Rachel's room. "Santana why are you crying?" Rachel asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt her! I'm sorry!" Santana cried out, her voice and face filled with distress. She suddenly found herself hugged tightly against Brittany's chest.

"It's. Ok," Brittany told her, hiccupping between the words. Santana pulled back in Brittany's arms and leaned up to plant a slightly sloppy kiss on her chin.

"I didn't mean to," Santana repeated, reaching up to rub the other girls chin better. "Is it better now?" she asked.

"Yeah," Brittany beamed brightly at Santana and let go of the tiny girl to wipe her tears away. "All better," she turned then and started pulling Barbie dolls off of Rachel's shelf like nothing had happened. Rachel patted Santana's back carefully.

"You don't have to be sad when you hurt someone. You just have to say sorry and its ok," Rachel told her before going to join Brittany with the Barbie dolls. Santana watched the two of them play for a while before cautiously joining in, taking a doll that Brittany carefully chose for her, and slowly relaxing into the game.

-G-

"Ken can I come into your house?" Brittany asked Rachel's ken doll in a high voice.

"Sure," Rachel replied in her best man voice.

"Thank you," Brittany's Barbie replied politely

"I'm her friend Helen. Can I come in too?" Santana trotted her doll up to the house.

"Yes, but you can't be my girlfriend because Barbie is already my girlfriend," Rachel replied as Ken.

"That's ok," Santana wiggled her whole doll, since she couldn't nod its head, and walked it into the house. Rachel started walking Ken back in but got distracted when Brittany and Santana started to giggle. She looked up and frowned.

"Santana!" Rachel whined. Santana had pulled the doll's top off and she and Brittany were giggling at its weird plastic boobs. "Don't be rude!"

"I'm going to have boobies one day and they're going to be awesome," Santana ignored Rachel. Brittany giggled and flushed bright red.

"Me too," she giggled. "Wait," Brittany giggled as she ran into Rachel's closet and then ran out a few seconds later with her hands behind her back and two tennis balls stuffed up her shirt. Santana roared with laughter and Rachel huffed in annoyance, wanting to get back to their game. Brittany pulled her hands around in front of her, revealing two more tennis balls and handed them to Santana, who promptly shoved them up her own shirt. Rachel huffed loudly as the two of them paraded in front of the mirror, giggling like crazy.

"Stop it!' Rachel whined.

"Shut up Rachel," Santana frowned. "You're being a bitch."

"You said bitch," Brittany giggled. "I said it too!" Santana frowned at Brittany before shrugging and giggling along with her. Rachel threw her Ken doll to the ground and stormed out of her room.

"Daddy!" she hollered down the stairs.

"Yes?' Leroy called back as he appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Brittany and Santana are saying rude words and being rude they won't stop!" Rachel whined in her best tattle tale voice. Leroy rolled his eyes and climbed the stairs.

"Girls?" he said, sitting down on Rachel's bed. "What's this I hear about you two saying rude words?" he asked. Brittany looked guiltily at her hands while, the little raven haired girl next to her lifted her dark eyes to meet Leroy's, looking for all the world like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. "And what are those?" he asked, trying to stifle the laughter rising in his throat.

"They're boobies," Santana frowned at him like he was stupid.

"They're not..._boobies_. They're my tennis balls," Rachel sulked. Leroy made a choked noise and then cleared his throat.

"Girls we don't have rude talk in this house," Leroy said seriously. "And Brittany Pierce you know better," he said lightly reaching out to cuff Brittany's chin gently as he stood to leave. The little blonde giggled and threw her arms around Leroy's waist.

"Sorry Leroy," she said brightly.

"Sorry Mr Leroy," Santana echoed shyly.

"You can call me Leroy, Santana," he told her. "And if Rachel doesn't want you using her tennis balls as boobies then take them out please," he instructed. Santana and Brittany giggled hysterically and Rachel huffed again. "Rachel you don't all have to do what you want to do. If Santana and Britt don't want to play Barbie why don't you find something you all want to do?" he asked as he left the room.

Half an hour later he had three girls dressed in high heels and dresses from Rachel's dress up box, complete with hats (Pirate for Santana, straw with flowers for Rachel and cowboy for Brittany) and tennis ball boobies helping him to bake cookies in the kitchen...

-G-


	5. Knothole

A/N: If you haven't already read about it I have reposted pretty much all of this story. I have cut the future parts out for now and will progress to them (and add them back as they were) later on in the story as I was having so much difficulty writing it as it was. This is the only new chapter and the odd detail has been changed in the others but nothing major although it might pay to go back as it reads quite differently than it did before...if you are still with me; thanks so much for sticking around. If you are new; welcome...

-G-

Rachel was skipping down the path on her way to Brittany's on Monday afternoon. Kate was feeling sick and so Brittany's dad Ricky was going to take them to dance instead. Kate had asked if Rachel could walk to their house so that he didn't have to worry about picking her up and it would save a little time. As she walked past the Lopez's house Rachel stopped, her brow crinkling when she heard what sounded like Marco yelling. She didn't understand what he was saying because he was speaking in Spanish and Santana had only taught Rachel a few words so far. Rachel shrugged and started to walk but she stopped dead again a second later as the sound of a slap met her ears. The next sound made Rachel's heart thud in her chest. It was the sound of little Santana wailing in pain.

"Lo siento! Lo siento papi!" Rachel heard her cry. She wanted to go to Santana but she guessed that she was in trouble and she figured that she had better keep walking. As she passed the driveway she looked back and saw Santana cradled in her father's arms, her face streaked with tears. Rachel turned away and walked faster when Marco looked up at her with a strange expression on his face.

-G-

"Rachel, honey, is something wrong?" Mrs McAdams asked, kneeling in front of Rachel. Rachel realised that she had been thinking so hard that she had forgotten to keep dancing. "Honey? Are you ok?" Rachel looked at he shoes for a long moment.

"My tummy hurts," she said softly. Her Dads always told her that lies were bad but this was only a little one. Her tummy really didn't feel good but it wasn't really _sore. _

"Oh boy," Mrs McAdams sighed. "I hope you haven't caught Kate's bug. Would you like me to ring Ricky to come and get you?" she asked, reaching out to feel Rachel's forehead. Rachel shook her head. "Ok. Why don't you sit down until we're finished, hmm?" she said soothingly. "Maybe you can draw a picture to fill in the time?" Rachel nodded and headed for the little table and chairs in the corner. It was really for the dancers' younger brothers and sisters to keep them out of the way during lessons but Rachel guessed that it was ok for her today. She sat at the table, curling her knees up in an attempt to stop the squirmy feeling in her tummy. It was the same feeling she got before recitals, the one her Daddy called 'butterflies'. Rachel picked up a crayon and some pens and set to work.

"Hey Rach," a soft voice broke Rachel out of the intense haze of concentration she had slipped into while drawing her picture. She looked up to find Ricky Pierce staring back at her, looking around in alarm she realised that the class had finished and everyone was going home. Brittany, as always, was hanging upside down from the wall mounted barre waiting for them. "Mrs McAdams said you weren't feeling well," he said gently, reaching to feel her forehead.

"I have butterflies in my tummy," Rachel told him miserably.

"Why is that?" Ricky asked gently. "Britt your brain is going to start leaking out of your ears if you don't turn right-side-up for a bit,' he called to a very red faced, upside down Brittany. He turned back to Rachel and she watched as he frowned at her. "What's wrong sweetheart?" he asked.

"Santana's daddy yelled and spanked her and she was crying and she was _so _sad and I wanted to hug her but I couldn't!" Rachel cried out in one breath.

"Aw honey," Ricky smiled once he had untangled her words. "Sometimes Mommies or Daddies spank their children when they misbehave," he explained gently. "Santana will be fine. Remember when I spanked Britt when she broke the TV?" at Rachel's nod he continued. "She was sad for a while but then she was ok wasn't she?"

"She didn't break the TV ever again," Rachel told him.

"No she didn't," Ricky laughed. "Come on, lets get you and Brittany home before she passes out," Ricky held his arms out and Rachel let him pick her up and carry her towards the door, even though her Dads always told her not to let him do that because she was too big. It felt nice to be carried sometimes. Brittany flipped neatly onto her feet when they passed; wobbling a bit as the blood rushed back into her arms and legs.

-G-

Rachel's tummy felt better by the time they got back to the Pierce's and Kate was worse than when they'd left so Rachel decided to walk home. Brittany and Ricky walked her to the end of the driveway and after a smothering hug and a sloppy kiss from Brittany, Rachel was on her way. She slowed right down when she reached the border of the Lopez's property, listening carefully for any more yelling or crying. She heard nothing and so she kept walking. As she got to where the Lopez's fence met the Wilson's she heard something; soft crying in the corner again.

"Santana?" she called out gently, the butterflies jumping back into her tummy. The sobbing got louder and so Rachel dropped to her knees by the knothole, leaning down to peer through. She was met with Santana's puffy, red, tearstained face. "Did you get spanked again?" Rachel asked, keeping her voice gentle.

"Y-y-yeah. A-a-and h-h-he c-called m-me m-mean th-th-things," Santana stuttered badly as she choked out a reply.

"I want to give you a hug," Rachel told her sadly.

"N-no! Th-then h-he'll kn-know where I-I a-am," Santana stuttered back urgently.

"You're hiding?" Rachel shifted to sit cross-legged on the sidewalk, putting her eye in line with the knot hole.

"Y-yes," Santana's breathing was beginning to calm slightly. "I-I'm sc-scared."

"That he'll spank you again?" Rachel asked. "I'm sure now that he's done it it's all finished," she told the other girl what Ricky had told her.

"He's st-still really m-mad at me," Santana replied. Rachel absently poked her finger through the knothole as Santana spoke and she almost jumped when Santana's thumb and forefinger closed around it, pinching gently.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said sincerely. "Oh I know!" she carefully tugged her finger out of Santana's grasp and reached into her pink backpack. She pulled out her drawing from dance and looked at it for a moment. She had drawn Santana's father yelling in one corner and she had drawn herself giving a crying Santana a hug in another corner. She looked at the paper and then at the knothole, wondering how to get the paper through without breaking it. She suddenly thought of how her Dad's rolled up her drawings and put them in the little round keepsake capsules that they made from cardboard tubes. Rachel carefully put the paper on the ground and rolled it as small as she could, her fingers fumbling a few times before she got it right.

"Are you g-gone Rachel?" Santana asked, her dark red rimmed eye pressing up to the knothole from the other side.

"Nope," Rachel smiled. "I'm here. I have something for you. Move your eye please," Rachel instructed. Santana pulled away from the fence and Rachel carefully pushed the rolled up paper through the hole. It only just fit and it got a bit crinkled and dirty on the way through but it didn't rip. Santana tugged it through. "I can't give you a real cuddle but I drew a picture of me giving you a cuddle when my tummy felt funny at dance," she told her.

"I like it. Who is in the corner?" Santana asked, her voice sounded happier and Rachel felt her chest swell with pride that she had made her friend feel better.

"That's your Dad, I mean your Papi. He's yelling. That's why his face is red," Rachel replied. Santana giggled.

"He's an asshole. Like Cash," Santana said bitterly. Then she giggled. "Don't tell."

"I won't," Rachel giggled back.

"Rachel? Oh thank goodness!" Leroy came walking down the sidewalk looking incredibly relieved. "What are you doing there?" he asked. "I was starting to worry!"

"Weren't you watching from the kitchen?" Rachel asked, feeling slightly miffed.

"Ricky forgot to let me know you had left their house. He just rang to ask if you'd got home alright," Leroy crouched down and peered through the knothole beside his daughter. "Hi Santana," he greeted, calmer now. "Having a bad day honey?" he asked, seeing her tearstained face.

"Yeah," came the shy reply. "Please don't tell my Papi where I am. This is my secret place," she pleaded.

"I promise I won't tell him," Leroy replied with a smile. "Everyone needs a secret hiding place."

"Thank you," Santana replied.

"Can I stay a little longer Daddy?" Rachel asked.

"Five more minutes. I'll watch you from the front yard ok?" Leroy told her.

"Thanks Daddy," Rachel said excitedly. Leroy smiled and walked back to their house, finding a spot on the grass where he could see her.

"Your Daddy is nice. I wish I had your Daddy," Santana told Rachel.

"Maybe if you didn't do bad things your Dad would be nice too?" Rachel suggested.

"I didn't do anything. Cash did it," Santana said sullenly and Rachel could see her curl her knees up to her chin and wrap her arms around them.

"What did he do?" Rachel asked.

"He knocked some flowers over and he didn't clean them up. So I tried to be good and clean them up but then Papi thought I did it," Santana explained. "So he hit me again."

"That's not fair!" Rachel cried indignantly.

"Santana?" Rachel saw Santana tense through the knothole as Erika called her name.

"Sshh!" Santana told Rachel, wide eyed.

"Santana?" Erika called out again. "Come on baby. Papi is sorry. Stop hiding and come inside." Santana began to whimper and pushed her thumb and forefinger through the hole, grasping desperately at the air. Rachel held out her finger and Santana latched onto it tightly, pulling it back through the hole and gripping it with both hands.

"Sshh, sshh," Santana shushed urgently.

"Damn it Santana!" Erika called out. "I'm going back inside. Dinner will be ready soon. Just come in, please?"

They heard the front door close and Santana released her grip on Rachel's finger.

"I should go inside," she said quietly.

"Yeah," Rachel agreed.

"Thank you for my picture," Santana pushed her eye against the knothole again. Rachel leaned in and did the same thing. Their eyelashes almost touched and it made them giggle. "Bye," Santana giggled.

"Bye," Rachel replied. She heard rustling as Santana climbed though the bushes into her yard. Rachel stood and brushed the dirt from her clothes before charging down the street and leaping onto her daddy, squealing in Glee as he caught her and toppled them both to the grass.

-G-

Thanks for reading :-)


	6. Changes

A/N: This story is going to get a whole lot angstier. I was initially going to focus more on Santana and her story but now I want to focus on Rachel just as much and the crap they both have been through and have to go through to repair an absolutely shattered friendship.

Content warning on this chapter for some mentions of self harm among other things.

-G-

The knothole was a favourite secret mode of communication for Rachel, Santana and occasionally Brittany over the next few years. Almost every afternoon one of them would post something for one of the others in there. They mostly traded pictures at first and then later they posted notes and occasionally small objects. Their three-way friendship had blossomed after that first play date and after the first few weeks at school they were inseparable. They did everything together.

It was around the time they turned 12 that things began to change. The first incident that Rachel remembered; the one that she would later come to consider as the beginning of the end, was when she found out that Brittany and Santana had had a sleepover without her. She had been so hurt that they hadn't invited her, but Brittany had assured her that they hadn't realised that she had come home from a trip with her Dads already. They had just gotten their dates mixed up. That was all. Rachel had known Brittany all of her life though and she could tell that the taller girl was lying to her. She had never felt so betrayed in her life and she barely spoke to either girl for almost two weeks, finally caving in when Brittany lost the plot and burst into hysterical tears in the middle of class, swearing on everything she loved that it wouldn't happen again...but of course it did.

More and more often Rachel would hear that Santana and Brittany had been off to the movies together or they had been at the park together or gone to get ice cream together. It broke Rachel's heart and instead of trying to make other friends she began to withdraw socially. She started to turn down the invitations she did get to do things with Brittany and Santana, because whenever she spent time with them both now it was ruined by her hurt and sense of betrayal. She was quite happy to spend time one on one with them; it was just when they were all together that Rachel felt like an unwanted extra. But there was something else too, something that stopped Rachel from just abandoning the other two all together. As she got older, Santana's behaviour had become worse, her temper had become more explosive and her fuse had gotten shorter. Rachel seemed to wear her temper most of the time because the one time Santana had lashed out at Brittany the previous year the blonde girl had wound up cowering against a wall, sobbing her heart out and screaming at Santana not to hurt her. It had shaken both of them up badly and Brittany had been afraid of Santana for months afterwards. So she directed her anger at Rachel because she just tended to yell back, roll her eyes and ignore it or storm out of the room dramatically and just brush it off later. Santana didn't think she was hurting Rachel because she didn't let it show. But it did hurt her and Rachel had quickly lost count of how many nights she had cried herself to sleep remembering the hurtful things Santana had said to her.

She knew that she should tell her Dads that Santana was acting like this, but around that time she had begun to realise how bad things were at home for Santana and she didn't want her Dads to tell Erika and Marco and make things worse for her. Santana's brother had left to go to college when Santana was 9 and a few months after that her baby sister Marley had been born. Marley was Marco, Erika and Rosa's little princess; their 'miracle child' and they had a tendency to forget about Santana when they were all wrapped up in Marley, which in turn made Santana resentful toward all of them. It didn't help that Brittany's parents had also had a baby around that time, a little girl named Danielle, but that unlike Santana's parents they had made sure to make Brittany feel extra special too, involving her with the baby and always telling her what a great big sister she was. It had made Santana bitterly jealous and it had caused a lot of friction between the two little girls for a while. It had also meant that Rachel had spent a lot of time sitting on the sidewalk with her finger poked though the knothole while the other girl clutched at it with both hands as she cried her heart out because her parents 'didn't want her anymore' and 'Brittany's life was perfect'.

It wasn't just that Santana's parents ignored her either. They didn't seem to be able to handle her increasingly out of control behaviour and seemed to often resort to violent threats and physical punishments when she got out of hand. Rachel had been sleeping over one night when they were nearly 11 and Santana's father had told her that her bedroom, the one Santana had spent all day carefully tidying as best she could, was a pigsty and that she was useless to everyone if she couldn't even pick up her room right. Rachel had never seen Santana look so hurt and when Santana tried to explain that she had done her best, Marco had just mocked her and then told her that her best wasn't good enough, setting off Santana's temper. They had screamed at each other until, right in front of Rachel, Marco had yanked his belt out of his pants and had viciously hit Santana several times across her left leg and hip with the buckle end. He had sent both girls to Santana's room and Santana had cried for hours before she finally cried herself to sleep.

To make things worse, Rachel had woken in the middle of the night that night to find Santana crying her eyes out as she stripped the sheets off of her bed. It had taken Rachel a few groggy, sleep-addled minutes of watching her silently before she had realised that Santana had wet her bed. Rachel had silently gotten up and helped Santana to pull the sheets off and stuff them into a plastic bag. Santana had cried harder when she realised that Rachel knew and so Rachel had silently taken over, finding Santana some clean pajama's and underwear before leading her into the bathroom to clean up. She had soothed her softly and helped her to change, unable to avoid noticing the dark bruises blossoming across the tan skin of her hip and leg from Marco's belt. Rachel had sat Santana on the cot she had been sleeping on while she had remade her bed as best she could and then tucked her friend in, kissing her forehead goodnight and swearing on everything she loved that she wouldn't tell anyone that Santana had wet her bed.

Rachel hadn't wanted to go back to Santana's much after that and Santana hadn't really wanted her there either. The few times Rachel did visit she would always hear Santana's parents criticizing her for this or that or the next thing. It seemed like the poor girl was never good enough for her parents. It made Rachel deeply sad, but every time she brought it up, every time she tried to tell Santana that that wasn't ok, Santana shut her down and made her swear she wouldn't tell anyone what was going on. _"They're just helping me to be the best. So that when I grow up I can be a Doctor or a lawyer like Papi and not some jobless loser." _ Those oft repeated words had scarred themselves into Rachel's brain. But it didn't assuage her worries in the slightest. Her Dads had told her about child abuse and Rachel knew that she was seeing it right in front of her. Only it was far more complicated to deal with than her fathers had made it out to be. They hadn't told her about the worry and the guilt and wanting to tell but not wanting to break Santana's trust when Santana was so fragile and refused to acknowledge that she was being abused.

The one time Rachel had used that particular 'a-word' in front of Santana, Santana's temper had flared Rachel had wound up with a bloody nose for her effort and had never dared to bring it up again. Santana had pandered to her for days, weeks even, constantly trying to make up for what she had done and for the fact that Rachel had lied to her Daddy about what had happened, telling him that they were goofing on the bed and that Santana had accidently head butted her and that that was why the other girl was crying with a guilty look on her face. Rachel was pretty sure that he at least suspected that she was lying but he hadn't pushed the issue, just going and getting each of them an icepack and leaving it at that. Santana had drawn her pictures; she had bought her a new raspberry Lip Smackers with her hard earned pocket money; she had shared her candy at lunchtime...she had done everything short of actually _saying_ sorry to Rachel. But Rachel had forgiven her quickly and they had moved on, the incident seemingly forgotten.

-G-

They stayed friends albeit no where near as close as they had once been until their freshman year at William McKinley High School. They were 14 the summer before – Brittany was the first to turn 15 in July - and at Santana's parents insistence Santana had gone to cheerleading camp and after pleading with her parents, Brittany had been allowed to go too. All three girls had taken up cheerleading the previous school year and while none particularly enjoyed it, they did it because Santana insisted that it would make them part of the cool crowd. Rachel had been far more interested in singing, dancing and acting. Brittany and Santana had also started messing around with boys which had caused them to drift further away from Rachel, although Santana still hung out with Rachel quite often. It was a difficult time for Rachel, she struggled with her self confidence, especially around Brittany and Santana who had both gotten tall, willowy and impossibly beautiful where Rachel had hit 5'2" and apparently stopped growing. She was heavier than the other two and smaller breasted and, in her eyes, nowhere near as pretty. Santana had told her once that everyone was different and that she was beautiful too but Rachel had struggled to believe that.

They had come back from the two week camp two weeks before school started back and (much to Rachel's disgust) they both had lost even more weight and toned up and had the beginnings of abs. They had also made a new friend who was starting at William McKinley at the same time they were. Rachel barely saw Brittany and Santana the last two weeks of that summer but they had invited her over to Brittany's for a sleepover the last weekend. It was just the three of them and they were extra nice to Rachel, pampering her and letting her pick the movies and snacks. In hindsight Rachel thought she should have realised that something was going on that weekend.

-G-

"Good Lord, who dressed you? You look like the toddler section at Kids 'R Us threw up on you," Rachel looked up from her locker on her first day at McKinley and was met with cold hazel eyes.

"W-What?" Rachel asked, hurt.

"God what a loser," the girl sneered. "What's your name?"

"R-Rachel," Rachel stammered, not sure what was going on.

"R-Rachel," the girl mocked her. "You look like RuPaul the drag queen. Doesn't she?" Rachel's eyes widened in shock when Brittany and Santana stepped up on either side of the blonde girl. "I said 'doesn't she?'," the girl asked harshly, turning to glare at Santana. Santana looked at Rachel sadly for a moment before lifting her chin defiantly and pasting a bitchy sneer on her face.

"I'll say," she agreed haughtily. Rachel swore she felt her heart break in two in her chest. She glanced at Brittany who was staring at her shoes and she could see tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Rachel asked, her voice breaking as tears began to spill down her cheeks.

"Because you are a loser, and we are not," the new girl said in that same sneering tone. "Just letting you know where your place is on the social ladder; the bottom," the girl shoved Rachel hard back against her locker, hard enough that it hurt, before spinning on her heel and walking away calling out a "Buhbye RuPaul," over her shoulder. Rachel looked at Santana and then at Brittany, both looked devastated. Brittany started to reach for Rachel but Santana stopped her, reaching out to grasp her pinky with her own, before leading her away without a word, leaving a crying Rachel standing alone at her locker.

The next time was even worse. Rachel had since found out that the hazel-eyed girl was Brittany and Santana's new friend from cheerleading camp, her name was Quinn Fabray and she was a piece of work who considered everyone who wasn't on the Cheerio's cheerleading squad (and most of the people who were) to be beneath her.

"Hey RuPaul," she had said sweetly. Rachel had turned to look at her and Santana had stepped out from behind Quinn and stepped toward Rachel. Her eyes shone with unshed tears and Rachel barely had time to blink before she landed hard on the floor. She gazed up at Santana, Brittany and Quinn, stunned, and was met with two cups of ice cold slushie drink to the face from the two blondes. She sat stock still, unable to comprehend what had just happened to her. Vaguely she heard Brittany's quiet sobs as Santana led her away from the mess. Then all she could hear was laughter and various shouts of 'loser'. Rachel hauled herself up off the floor and ran into the nearest girls' bathroom, sobbing as she did. She hid in there until it was time to go home. She was slushied every day that week and at least once a week after that.

Santana hardened into the bully mold quickly. Within a couple of months Rachel could no longer see pity or apology in her eyes, just contempt and a hatred that she had no idea what she had done to earn. In spite of everything that Santana did to her Rachel worried about her former friend. She wondered if she had anyone to talk to now. She couldn't see her talking to Quinn about her home life and she knew for a fact that Santana hid it from Brittany out of the desire to protect her from it. It was hard not to see the effect that Santana and Quinn's nasty behaviour had on Brittany. She had withdrawn into herself, only coming out to make stupid comments and observations and to throw the occasional weak insult at Rachel at Quinn or Santana's insistence. Where she had once been an average student she had started failing everything because she seemed to be completely unable to concentrate in class. Rachel often looked up to find Brittany staring miserably at her.

A couple of times near the beginning, Rachel had found little gifts in her locker, or her mailbox and she knew that they were from Brittany. The first one was a small plushie toy cat that had turned up in her locker. She had picked it up and looked around just in time to catch the briefest glimpse of sad blue eyes a few lockers down. A few weeks later a tube of her favourite lip balm arrived in the mail in an envelope with her name on it in Brittany's messy scrawl and no postage stamp or return address. The last one had been a handmade beaded bracelet that Brittany had sneakily (and quite bravely) slipped right into Rachel's pocket as she walked past her in the hallway. The gifts stopped after that and Rachel figured that Quinn or Santana had found out and put a stop to it. The bullying worsened throughout the year especially after Quinn got promoted to Captain of the Cheerio's at the beginning of the second semester with Brittany and Santana sharing the second in command position. Everyone seemed to realise that Rachel was one of the 'mighty' Quinn Fabray's favourite targets and so people either went out of their way to avoid her or humiliate her in order to get into the girl's good graces. A few people tried to make friends with Rachel but she began to antagonize people by constantly looking down on them and announcing her talents to anyone who would listen. Anything to keep people at arms length. Eventually it just became a part of who she was, that annoying loser who somehow thought that she was better than everyone else. Holding her head high and focusing solely on how she was going to get out of McKinley, get out of Lima and realise her dreams of being a Broadway star was the only way that she could get through the day and the constant bullying.

It was toward the end of that first school year that Rachel went through a phase of hurting herself. It started when her Dads would ask her how her day was and tell her how great theirs had been and she would have to pinch the skin of her upper arm or thigh until it bruised to distract herself from the overwhelming anger and hurt that tried to bubble to the surface. Soon she was also doing it to quiet the incessant noise in her brain when she was trying to sleep, and whenever Quinn or Santana called her treasure trail, or manhands or any of the other extremely derogatory nicknames they came up with for her and when Brittany threw an emotionless, flat 'I'm prettier than you' at her as she walked past. She wore the animal sweaters and tights to cover the bruises she had left all over herself. Eventually she had forced herself to stop and write her feelings in a diary instead, not wanting to run the risk of the marks being seen by her tormentors in the gym locker room, or worse; by her bigoted gym teacher who already thought her fathers raising her should be considered child abuse.

In sophomore year things got a little better for a while. She had some friends again within the Glee Club. They weren't close by any means and they often got frustrated and annoyed by her constant striving to be the best and her 'diva-ish' behaviour, but Kurt and Mercedes spoke to her at least. Tina and Artie did too and it was nice to have someone acknowledge her again sometimes. She was nothing short of shocked when Finn Hudson, quarterback of the football team and Quinn Fabray's man-candy, actually seemed to genuinely like her and treated her with a respect that no-one else, not even Mr Schuester, did. When the 'Unholy Trinity' as Santana, Brittany and Quinn had been dubbed joined the Glee Club, Rachel felt nothing short of violated. Like she had finally found a safe place and then had it rudely ripped away from her again. She was furious that Mr Schuester had let them in at all. He knew about the things that they did to her and he also knew that Sue Sylvester, the batshit crazy cheerleading coach had it in for him and the Glee Club and that they would never have joined unless she put them up to it. They were her three favourite little minions after all. But in spite of all of that he let them in and just like that, Rachel was back to dragging herself out of bed in the morning with nothing to look forward to except the fact that there was one less day between her and her freedom from the hell of high school. She was back to square one.

-G-

Whew. Thanks for reading. I know this was kind of a vague summary of the years between then and now but a lot of it will be addressed in more depth later on in the fic. I already have the next, I think, two chapters done so I will post them with a couple of days in between. Thanks to all still with me!


	7. Shattered

A/N: Ok, first repost of an earlier chapter! Getting into the main part of the story now

Glee

_Summer, 2011_

"Brittany, honey your mom called, she would like for you to go home and have a talk with her," Hiram told the blonde gently. It was 6pm, two hours since Santana had fallen asleep and Brittany hadn't moved, nor had she stopped singing - the poor girl's voice was hoarse, but she refused to stop even just to take a couple of sips of the warm water and lemon that Rachel (who was currently sitting in the la-Z-boy next to the couch with one reassuring hand on Brittany's arm) had made for her an hour ago.

"Oh my God does she know? Did you tell her?" Brittany's blue eyes widened as her skin turned a lighter shade of white than Hiram had ever thought was possible, even for someone as naturally pale as Brittany.

"Oh honey no. You know we would never ever do that," Leroy spoke up from where he was leaning in the doorway.

"I did tell her that Santana was here and that things weren't so good but I figured that it was up to you to tell her what you wanted her to know." Hiram sighed. "I was hoping she would say you could stay but she wanted you home straight away."

"But I don't want to leave her," Brittany's voice cracked, her lip trembled and her eyes flooded with tears as she pulled the sleeping Santana tighter against her and Leroy's heart broke on the spot.

"I know honey," he said softly, his own voice wavering as a lump rose in his throat. "But it's only a matter of time before all of this gets out and I think that Kate and Ricky deserve to hear it from you. We'll take good care of Santana tonight. And we'll ring you straight away if she gets too upset. We promise. And here," Leroy pulled something out of his pocket and picked up one of Brittany's hands in his own. He pressed the object against her palm and closed her long, pale fingers around it. "This is for you to use anytime, ok Brittany? Anytime." He and Hiram headed back into the kitchen, leaving the three girls alone. Brittany slowly opened her fist to find that Leroy had given her a key.

"That one is for the back door," Rachel told her softly. Tears spilled down Brittany's cheeks at the gesture and Rachel reached out to wipe at them.

"I have to go tell my Mom," she said, her voice surprisingly even and determined. "Rachel please take care of her. She likes to hug a pillow while she sleeps and if she has bad dreams…" Brittany trailed off, clearing her throat and stroking Santana's forehead before finishing. "She doesn't like to be hugged or held when she wakes up from them, but if you hold her hands, rub her palms with your thumbs and sing to her she'll go right back to sleep," her voice broke again at the end and tears were spilling down Rachel's cheeks too. "Promise me you'll remember?" Brittany pleaded brokenly.

"I promise Britt. I'll remember," Rachel squeezed the blonde's arm gently in reassurance. Brittany took a few deep breaths and quickly pulled herself together.

"Tana?" she stroked Santana's cheek. "Santana, honey I need you to wake up," Brittany cooed. Santana's eyelids fluttered a little before they closed tightly again. "Santana," Brittany said a little louder and with a gentle shake of her shoulder. Santana jerked violently awake, Brittany's quick reflexes being the only thing keeping her from falling onto the floor. Her dark eyes flitted fearfully around the room as she tried to recall where she was. "Honey, calm down, you're ok. Santana you're ok, you're safe," Brittany soothed. Santana relaxed almost immediately, leaning her head against the blonde's shoulder. "Honey," Brittany took a deep breath. "Honey I have to go home now. I have to talk to my Mom before someone else tells her what happened."

"NO! NO!" Santana cried, her small body convulsed as violent sobs ripped from her throat and she clung onto Brittany like a small child. "Don't…leave…me!" she gasped out between sobs.

"I have to Santana, I have to go talk to my Mom," Brittany sobbed back and Rachel fought not to break at the sight.

"No!" Santana sobbed, clinging tighter to the blonde.

"Rachel?" Brittany said, desperately. Rachel shifted to sit next to Brittany on the couch and the blonde gathered all of the resolve that she had left in her body to carefully detach Santana from herself and place her lovingly into Rachel's arms. "Rachel's going to take care of you Tana, ok?" she sobbed as she stepped back from the couch, out of reach of Santana's flailing arms and grabby hands. "I'm so sorry but I have to go and talk to my Mom. She deserves to hear this from me. I'll come back as soon as I can ok?" Santana was still chanting 'no' over and over as she fought desperately to get out of Rachel's arms and back into the blonde's. Leroy and Hiram had come into the living room again now and Leroy sat next to Rachel, semi-wrapping his arms around both girls, catching Santana's hands so that she couldn't hurt herself or Rachel with her flailing. Brittany took the opportunity to lean down and kiss her forehead, then the tip of her nose. "I'll come back as soon as I can," Brittany sobbed before dragging herself away from Santana. Hiram intercepted her in the foyer and wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed brokenly.

"I'm going to walk you home Britt," he said gently, pulling back and taking her hand to lead her out of the house and down the street.

Glee

Thankfully, it only took a couple of minutes to calm Santana down after Brittany had left. She had fought for a little bit longer before finally realising that it was pointless and slumping against Rachel and Leroy, her sobs petering out to painful sounding hiccups and soft sniffles.

"She has to tell her Mom," she said softly after a few minutes of silence. "I forgot she hasn't told her Mom." Santana carefully extracted herself from Rachel and Leroy's grip and they let her this time. She curled into a small ball at the other end of the couch, tears dripping off of the end of her nose and running down her cheek into her hair. Rachel had never seen the normally stoic, strong, bitchy cheerleader looking so beaten down, broken and pathetic. Not even that time when they were kids and she had fallen out of the tree house, breaking her arm and putting her teeth all the way through her bottom lip.

"Santana would you like to come and have something to eat?" Leroy asked gently. "I can make you whatever you feel like?" he tried to tempt her.

"No thank you," came the soft, emotionless reply.

"Are you sure?" Leroy asked.

"Yes," Santana replied and Leroy decided not to push. Missing one meal wouldn't kill the girl after all.

"Ok. Help yourself to anything if you get hungry. Ok?" Leroy told her.

"Thank you," Santana replied in that same emotionless voice. Rachel looked at her for a few moments before getting up off the couch and heading upstairs. She grabbed the fluffy black blanket off of the end of her bed and took it back down stairs. She approached Santana carefully. The other girl was staring straight ahead, tears still dribbling slowly from her eyes and she didn't acknowledge Rachel's presence at all. Rachel unfolded the blanket and spread it over the girl, before tucking it securely around her to keep her warm. "Berry?" Santana asked with the barest trace of contempt in her voice.

"Yes, Santana?" she asked, already knowing what was coming next…the insults.

"Go away," Santana told her tone was tired and to Rachel's surprise, contempt free. Rachel released the breath she had been holding. That hadn't been what she had expected. She gently squeezed Santana's shoulder before heading into the kitchen to find something to eat.

"How's she doing?" Leroy asked. He was busy making salad sandwiches for himself, Hiram and Rachel.

"She called me 'Berry' and told me to go away," Rachel said with the slightest smile. "That's an improvement." Leroy frowned but didn't comment as he handed Rachel her sandwich.

"Are you ok with having her here?" he asked after a few minutes of eating in silence.

"Of course I am," Rachel told him with a frown.

"After everything she's done to you?" Leroy pointed out, he wanted to help the girl but Rachel's physical and emotional safety had to come first.

"Daddy," Rachel set down her sandwich and locked eyes with her father. "Everything she did, she did to push me away. I don't forgive her for what she did and I won't ever forget it. I can't ever forget it. But I also can't forget how close we used to be. I still see that Santana, even when this one is at her cruellest. And I can't turn my back on her knowing what I do. Not now," she told him, her eyes telling him that her mind was made up and that it wasn't open for discussion. Leroy sighed deeply, a wary acceptance of her decision.

"You never cease to amaze me kiddo," he said lightly.

Glee

At 10.30 that night Rachel couldn't take the sobbing that was coming from the guest room any longer. Brittany hadn't come back yet and Santana had been crying non-stop since Rachel had shown her to the guest room at 7.30. Her sobs were becoming increasingly hoarse and painful sounding and it was making Rachel's heart ache. She opened her door and walked to the door of the guest room. She was about to knock when she had another idea. She headed down stairs and put a slice of bread in the toaster and warmed some water, mixing in some lemon and honey. She put some raspberry jam on the toast - having no clue whether or not the girl even still liked it let alone if it was still her favourite – and carried the plate and mug upstairs. She balanced the plate on her arm and knocked lightly on the door of the guestroom. The sobbing stopped a little and Rachel slowly opened the door.

"Hey," Rachel said softly, not missing the disappointment in Santana's eyes when she realised that it was Rachel and not Brittany. She sniffled and did her best to glare but it came off tired and unconvincing, even Santana herself seemed to realise that and gave in. "I brought you some toast to eat and some warm water with lemon and honey to drink. It'll make your throat feel better, and probably your head too," Rachel frowned when Santana just turned to face away from her, lying back down against the pillow. Rachel sighed and walked around the bed, putting the plate and mug on the nightstand, before tucking Santana in tightly, ignoring another failed attempt at a glare. "I put a toothbrush and a face cloth and some other bits and pieces on the vanity in the bathroom for you, use whatever you want and come find me if there's anything you need," Rachel told her. "Goodnight Santana." She walked around the bed and had just put her hand on the doorknob when a tiny, timid, raspy voice spoke from the bed; so quiet that Rachel couldn't make out what she had said.

"Pardon?" she asked, she turned to find Santana staring at her incredulously.

"Raspberry Jam," Santana repeated, still with that expression on her bruised face.

"Oh, that. I wasn't sure if you still liked it, but I figured it was my best bet," Rachel shrugged, brushing it off. She turned back to the door and reached for the knob again when Santana spoke again.

"D-don't go?" it came out as a question and Rachel found that looking into those sad, dark eyes she just couldn't say no. She sighed.

"Ok," she closed the door and walked back into the room, perching on the edge of the bed on the opposite side to Santana, who had climbed out to sit on top of the covers and reached for the plate. She ate her toast painfully slowly but Rachel was pleased when she finished the whole slice, she drank about a third of her drink before putting it down again. "Do you want to take a shower before you go to sleep?" Rachel asked. Santana shook her head. "I'll get you something to sleep in," Rachel told her, realising that she was still wearing jeans and a faded pink Abercrombie t-shirt. She went into her room and paused, not actually sure what Santana might want to wear. In the end she picked out a pair of shorts and a tank top and a pair of flannel pajama pants and a long sleeved cotton top and took them back to the room. Santana wasn't there. Rachel panicked for a second and then relaxed when Santana padded back in quietly, smelling like toothpaste and the sweet scented arnica cream that Rachel had left in the bathroom for her bruised cheek and arms. Rachel gestured to the clothes on the bed and Santana immediately chose the flannel pants and the long sleeved top and started stripping off her clothes causing Rachel to blush and look away uncomfortably.

"Oops. Sorry. Used to the Cheerios locker room," Santana apologised softly, turning her back to the girl on her bed as she changed.

"S'okay," Rachel shrugged. "Do you want me to go now?" she asked, her pants were a little short on Santana, Rachel noticed when she glanced over at the other girl

"No!" Santana replied immediately and Rachel looked up abruptly at her fearful tone, finding tears in the girl's eyes again.

"Want me to stay until you fall asleep?" Rachel asked uncertainly and Santana nodded sheepishly in reply, clearly embarrassed by her own neediness. "Ok," Rachel replied, still uncertain. She had no idea what to make of this vulnerable, scared Santana and the girl's moods had always been unpredictable at the best of times. Ever since her former friend had arrived on her doorstep that afternoon Rachel had been waiting for the moment when she would do or say the wrong thing and Santana would lash out at her. She watched as Santana switched the bedside lamp on before turning the main light off - avoiding looking anywhere near Rachel as her cheeks flushed with apparent embarrassment - and climbing into bed, facing away from her. Rachel was almost shocked at the realisation that Santana might still be afraid of the dark; it made her seem so much more…_human_ all of a sudden. Rachel settled a little lower on the bed and a little closer to Santana so that she was comfortable. She rested her hands on her legs and sat quietly, listening to Santana's breathing, waiting for it to change to the slow and steady rhythm of sleep. After nearly fifteen minutes Santana sluggishly rolled over to face Rachel, her breathing already slowing and evening out, her eyelids were fluttering and she seemed to be fighting to keep them open. Rachel was about to ask if she was ok when a tan hand crept out from under the covers and reached toward Rachel's where it sat on her leg. Rachel shifted her hand to rest palm up on the bed between them and couldn't help but smile when the tips of Santana's index and middle fingers curled ever so slightly around Rachel's thumb. Rachel watched as her eyelids fluttered a few more times before finally closing as Santana surrendered to the pull of sleep. Rachel sat a while longer to make sure she was properly asleep before she quietly slipped out of the room, finding her Dad waiting in the hall.

"How's she doing?" Hiram asked gently, he had just got home from the Pierces' house, having stayed to talk to Kate and Ricky after Brittany had cried herself to sleep in Ricky's arms.

"Not so good Dad," Rachel told him sadly. "I think she finally broke."

Glee


	8. Broken

A/N: The Berry's start to realise how messed up Santana's life truly is... Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and faves, hope this one doesn't disappoint... Also in case anyone was confused or wondering I am a New Zealand gal, so some things will be spelled funny (or properly depending where you're from:-P) and I do research but I don't know a lot about the United States, so if I get anything really wrong then please do tell me and tell me how to correct it. It is much appreciated Thanks!

Glee

Rachel groaned when she awoke and it was still pitch dark. She had no idea what time it was but she knew that it had to be early. She groaned again, stretching out her limbs as she rolled over to look at the clock and she gasped in fright when she noticed the silhouette of someone standing in her doorway.

"Jesus," she reached out and switched her bedside lamp on, squinting in confusion when she realised it was Brittany standing there fidgeting nervously and not Santana as she had been expecting.

"Rachel?" Brittany called softly into the room, her voice trembling. Rachel rubbed her eyes and glanced at the clock. It was 2am.

"Brittany what's going on?" Rachel asked blinking owlishly as her eyes adjusted to the brightness.

"I fell asleep at home and I came straight back as soon as I woke up, but…but she's mad at me. She said 'get out and leave me the fuck alone'," Brittany's voice broke and fat tears rolled down her cheeks. "I don't want to leave her alone and crying but she doesn't want me!" she cried.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh," Rachel shushed her desperately as she jumped out of bed and pulled the blonde into her room. She peeked out of the door and saw her Daddy open their bedroom door, squinting sleepily. 'Sorry,' she mouthed silently.

'Brittany?' he mouthed back. Rachel nodded. She smiled slightly before closing the door and turning her attention to Brittany.

"Honey, don't cry. Santana's just extremely upset and very afraid right now. She probably just wanted some alone time and didn't know how to ask. She'll come around," Rachel soothed as she pulled Brittany over to sit on her bed. Brittany stopped crying fairly quickly with Rachel sitting next to her on the bed.

"Can I stay here?" she asked shyly, sniffling slightly as she traced the pad of her index finger over the small yellow duck that was embroidered onto her sleep shorts. "Just in case she changes her mind?"

"Sure," Rachel said softly, gently resting a hand on Brittany's back to reassure her.

"Can I sleep here…with you?" Brittany asked in that same shy voice, feeling like she needed to clarify that.

"Of course," Rachel frowned. She had thought that that was what Brittany had been implying in the first place. Brittany smiled nervously, waiting for Rachel to make the first move. Rachel sighed and lay down on her usual side of the bed, waiting until Brittany was settled next to her to turn off the light. They lay side by side in awkward silence for a little while. It definitely wasn't lost on either girl that where sharing a bed together had once been so easy and natural it was now awkward, uneasy and fraught with past hurt and betrayal.

"Rachel?" Brittany was the first to speak, her voice hushed and vulnerable.

"Yeah," Rachel whispered back, rolling on her side to face away from the blonde as anger started to flare somewhere deep inside of her. Brittany didn't respond verbally. Her arms slowly and loosely wrapped around Rachel and tugged at her, trying to roll her back toward her. Rachel initially resisted but then, hearing a sad little whimper from behind her, she gave in with a sigh, rolling back toward the blonde. Brittany tightened her grip on the smaller girl, pulling her close and cuddling her tightly against her chest like a teddy bear, the way she always had when they were younger. Rachel squirmed a little uncomfortably and Brittany relaxed her grip a fraction. Rachel tried to still herself now that the physical discomfort was gone, but she hadn't been held like this since the last time she, Santana and Brittany had had a sleepover when they were thirteen. Even her boyfriends never held her this way. She knew what this was. It was Brittany trying to communicate how sorry she was and Rachel couldn't help the angry urge to shove her away that rose inside her. Brittany had never been anywhere close to as outwardly cruel as the other two, even at her worst, but she hadn't stuck up for her former best friend either. She had stood back, refusing to make eye contact and let them bully her to the point where she could barely drag herself out of bed in the morning because she dreaded going to school so badly. Rachel felt herself start to shake in Brittany's arms as the stress of the day and nearly four years of repressed anger crept up inside her. Santana's little, barely there, comfort-seeking touches she had been able to handle but this just felt like way too much. _'If Brittany thought this would make up for the past then she is sorely mistaken,' _Rachel thought, anger rising steadily.

"I'm sorry," Brittany's voice was rough as she released Rachel entirely, knowing instinctively what was wrong. The blonde leaned over Rachel and turned the light back on, knowing they needed to talk and as she leaned back onto her side of the bed, Rachel shifted as far away from her as was possible. She felt Brittany shift back too, giving her plenty of space. "Rachel…I-," Brittany started, but Rachel cut her off.

"We were best friends Brittany. And you just stood there and let them do it!" Rachel spat harshly. "You did nothing. You- you-," words failed her for once and Rachel flopped onto her stomach, buried her face into her pillow and let out a loud, frustrated growl.

"I know," Brittany said softly, her voice still rough with emotion. "I stood back and did nothing to stop it. I stood back and I let them break you. I'm the worst one of them all," the depth of the quiet anguish in Brittany's voice caused Rachel to lift her head and to look at the blonde. Brittany's face was covered in tear tracks and she had tears clinging to her eyelashes and dripping from her chin. "I know," the blonde whispered, locking eyes with Rachel to communicate exactly what she knew.

"Why?" Rachel asked the question that had plagued her since the first time Brittany had ignored her in middle school. "What did I do that was so horrible that I deserved what you did to me?"

"Nothing. You did nothing," Brittany started to sob. "None of this was your fault Rachel, you _have _to understand that. This was about us not you. And that doesn't make it any better I know. But I need you to know that this _wasn't. your. fault," _Brittany reached out to cup Rachel's cheeks, searching her eyes as she emphasised those words.

"If I didn't do anything to you then _why _Brittany?" Rachel asked again. She had to know.

"Because I've been in love with her since we were twelve. I didn't know why she was doing it at the time, but she said I had to choose; her or you," Brittany pulled her hands away, curling into herself on the bed. "I should have chosen you. She told me once when she was really, really drunk that if I had chosen you she would never have been able to stay away from me. That she would have followed me anywhere. But I didn't know that," Brittany hid her face behind her arms. "All I knew was that I loved you, but I couldn't face the thought of losing her. I was only thirteen Rachel! I was only thirteen and I was confused and I'm not very smart and I didn't know how to stand up to her!" Brittany lifted her face from behind her arms and Rachel was shocked out of her anger by the agony in her clear blue eyes. It had honestly never occurred to Rachel that maybe Brittany had been pressured or manipulated into doing what she had done. That maybe her standing there quietly and not saying anything truly mean but not sticking up for Rachel was her way of trying to keep Quinn and Santana happy and not hurt Rachel any more than they already had. Rachel snapped out of her thoughts when she realised that Brittany had pressed her face into the crook of her own elbow and was mumbling something into her arm. She frowned and leaned closer to the blonde, trying to hear what she was saying.

"Britt?" she said softly. "Brittany I can't hear you." Brittany lifted her head.

"I'm just sorry," she said miserably, her voice so broken and her face so anguished that the last little bit of Rachel's anger slipped away. She sighed as Brittany hid her face again and then she reached out to turn off the light. She carefully shuffled back into the centre of the bed and tugged at Brittany's arm, awkwardly pulling it to rest around her middle, before resting her head against the taller girl's shoulder. Brittany froze for a few seconds before rolling onto her side again and pressing her face into Rachel's hair, nuzzling the side of her head with her nose. Rachel smiled at the distantly familiar affectionate gesture before she realised what she was doing and as soon as her brain caught up she forced the smile back down.

"I'm mad at you. You broke my heart Brittany," she said quietly, feeling the need to clarify that this was still extremely far from resolved.

"I know," Brittany replied immediately, her voice even more broken than before. "I know you are. You have every right to be." She resisted the urge to cuddle Rachel tighter again; realising that she needed to go at Rachel's pace now and not smother her with affection the way she used to, the way she still did with Santana and sometimes Quinn. They were silent for a long time, so long that Brittany thought Rachel had fallen asleep and just about jumped out of her skin when she spoke suddenly.

"I don't hate you," she said quietly. "I just thought you should know that." Brittany squeezed her briefly before relaxing her grip. Not knowing what to say to that, she kissed Rachel's temple and then her cheek and left it at that. It wasn't long before Rachel drifted off to sleep and Brittany followed quickly after.

Glee

Santana awoke at 6am the next morning her throat aching, her head pounding and her eyes stinging something fierce from the amount of crying she had done in the last twenty four hours. She groaned in pain and reached for the now cold drink that Rachel had brought her the night before. Despite being stone cold and stinging her injured mouth it soothed her sore throat a little and Santana was grateful. She curled her knees up to her chest and yawned. She had never been so emotionally and physically tired before in her life. She couldn't believe that her parents had done this to her. Their vicious, hateful words and brutal actions echoed through her head on repeat.

"_I don't want a damn boyfriend Mother! I already have a girlfriend!" Santana shouted at her mother in frustration. She paled as she realised what had just slipped out of her mouth._

"_Haha called it!" Cash crowed victoriously. His laughter stopped abruptly as the crack of a palm hitting a cheek with some serious force echoed through the kitchen. "Whoa..." Cash breathed out, shocked by his mother's actions. He stared at his little sister, cowering against the cupboards with both hands cupping the cheek her mother had just brutally slapped. Cash could actually see blood in the corner of Santana's mouth and realised that Erika must have hit her so hard her teeth had cut her cheek._

"_You're a disgrace to this family. You don't deserve a roof over your head for what you've done to us!" Erika shrieked. Marco came into the kitchen then, to investigate the ruckus. _

"_What's going on?" he asked. _

"_Your daughter just informed me that she doesn't need a boyfriend because she already has a _girlfriend_," Erika spat mockingly, never taking her glare off of Santana._

"_What?" Marco hissed. "Oh no you do not young lady. None child of mine is going to go around declaring that they're...that they're a _fag," _Marco spat the last word like it tasted bad and Santana was stunned._

"_B...but you accept the Berry's," she said softly, confused._

"_They can do whatever the hell they choose. They're not my children," Marco snarled in reply._

"_What?" that was the most ridiculous thing that Santana had ever heard. She shook herself slightly to clear her head. "Daddy, please! I didn't choose to be this way! I just am-," Santana was cut off by a second slap to her fast bruising cheek and she cried out in pain._

"_Don't you dare try and claim that you were just born like this. That is an insult to your mother and myself," Marco snarled right into Santana's face. She cringed away from him in terror. _

"_What's going on?" a little voice asked from the doorway. _

"_Go play in your room Marley," Santana told the six year old quietly._

"_Don't you talk to her," Erika screamed, grabbing Santana's upper arms hard, her nails biting into the soft skin, and shoving her back against the counter. "You'll fill her head with your bullshit!" Santana flinched and a sob escaped her lips. Running on pure instinct by that point, Santana raised her arms and pushed her mother back and was promptly met with her father's fist to her mouth. She felt the delicate skin of her lip bust open and her teeth clamp down on her tongue. She lost her footing with the force of the blow and slammed her head against the counter as she went down. Vaguely she could feel blood gushing into her mouth and down her chin and she could hear Marley screaming in fear and her father yelling something about not laying a hand on her mother. When she prised her eyes open she was just in time to see Cash's fist connect with her father's mouth._

"_Both of you get out of my house right fucking now!" Marco screamed a few seconds later backing away from his kids, he was enraged but he wasn't stupid enough to go three rounds with Cash who was both taller and stronger than he was. Cash glared at his father as he stalked across the kitchen and picked Santana up. He carried her outside, sitting down on the lawn and cradling her in his lap. _

"_Tana?" he cupped her cheeks. "I love you. Ok? I love you. No matter what happens, no matter who you are. I love you," he told her desperately._

"_I love you too," she said thickly, her lip had swollen to twice its normal size now._

"_Oh my god! Santana?" Brittany's voice rang out across the yard. The blonde was on her knees next to her girlfriend in a second, hovering her hands over her, wanting to touch her but afraid she was going to further hurt her. "Oh my god Santana what happened?" Brittany choked out._

"_Our parents weren't very happy that Tana's gay," Cash told the blonde who was becoming more distraught by the second. _

"_We should take her to Rachel's," Brittany decided, dabbing at her nose with her sleeve and making Santana cringe in disgust. "My parents are on vacation at Nana's with Danielle and her Dads can help us." Santana wanted to tell the blonde that just because Leroy and Hiram were gay too didn't mean that they could magically fix everything, but the idea of some pain meds and an ice pack for her face was a good incentive to keep her mouth shut._

_After helping Santana to the Berry's driveway Cash had taken off abruptly, his voice breaking as he hurriedly mumbled something about needing to take care of some things and promised that he would talk to Santana soon. Santana had burst into near hysterical tears and Brittany had had to half drag half carry her to the Berry's front door as she fought desperately to chase after her brother._

Santana uncurled herself on her bed and cursed softly. She wanted to just stay in bed with the covers over her head and pretend that the world didn't exist but she desperately needed some pain relief for her aching face and head and she was busting to pee. She groaned, dragging herself out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. A few minutes later, after unsuccessfully hunting around the bathroom cupboards for some aspirin or something, Santana gave up and went back to bed. She pulled all the covers off so that she could wind them all around herself and over her head, creating something of a cocoon, and then curled up in the centre of the bed. She lay still for a bit, trying to push away the anxiety that was building inside of her, before lifting a hand to her injured face. She had avoided looking in the mirror while she was in the bathroom. She knew her face looked bad but she wasn't ready to see it just yet. Her cheek felt hot and swollen under her hand and sharp spikes of pain radiated out from it with any sort of pressure. She ran her fingertips down to touch her lip next; finding it had gone down a bit from the day before but was still huge and she could feel the rough edge where the split had started to scab over. Next she ran her tongue over the inside of her cheek, finding several small rough patches where her teeth had cut into it. She stuck her tongue out and ran the pad of her finger over it, feeling more healing teeth marks there. She was retracting her tongue and poking and prodding at her teeth to make sure none were loose from the punch when there was a knock at the door. She ignored it and a few seconds later it opened quietly, revealing Rachel in her pyjamas.

"Good morning Santana," Rachel said softly when she spotted Santana's dark eyes peering through a tiny gap in the blankets. "I realised that I didn't leave you any pain medication last night so I brought you some. Can you take ibuprofen?" she asked as she placed several items on the nightstand. Santana uncovered her head and nodded when Rachel looked at her for an answer. "Great. It'll help with the swelling too. Which is fairly impressive right now," Rachel cringed. "I brought you some water to take them with and I also grabbed the arnica cream from the bathroom too. You should put more of that on to help with the bruising," Rachel told her, holding out the tube. Santana looked at it for a second and then rolled away, tugging her cocoon of blankets tighter around her neck. She heard Rachel huff and then jumped when something cold and wet landed on her cheek. It was followed by gentle fingertips and Santana realised that Rachel was putting the cream on her herself, apparently knowing that Santana had no intention of doing it. She froze as Rachel rubbed the cream in as gently as she possibly could; apologising softly every time Santana winced in pain. "There," she whispered in satisfaction when she was done.

"Excuse my asking," Santana cringed at how rough her voice sounded as she spoke. "But why in the hell are you being nice to me? If roles were reversed _I_ probably wouldn't have been so accommodating."

"Yeah, well, _I'm_ not a bitch," Rachel answered pointedly and Santana flinched hard at the sudden harshness in Rachel's voice. "You were one of my best friends once. I haven't forgotten that. And as stupid as it might sound, there's a part of me – possibly a very stupid part of me - that still loves you, Santana. In spite of everything you've put me through." Rachel stood and walked to the door pausing in silence for a few moments. "Take the meds Santana," she finally said, her voice so soft Santana had to strain to hear it, before walking out and closing the door behind her. Santana tried to bury herself deeper in her blankets as a sudden overwhelming wave of guilt hit her as Rachel's words sank in. She was sure that after everything the girl would hate her guts. When Brittany and Cash had insisted on dragging her to the Berry's house she had expected Rachel to just laugh and slam the door in her face. But the girl hadn't done that at all. She had taken her in and taken care of her. Santana made a silent promise to herself to try to play nice and be grateful for what Rachel was doing for her.

"Tana?" Brittany's soft, hesitant voice interrupted her thoughts and Santana buried her face deeper in the blankets as she recalled her harsh words to Brittany earlier. Burrowing deeper made her face ache something fierce but she figured she deserved a little pain for telling Brittany to leave her the fuck alone. "Honey don't do that, you're hurting yourself," Brittany was on the bed now, tugging the blankets away from Santana's face and Santana suddenly registered that she was letting out little pained whimpers. She clamped her mouth shut and tried in vain to keep her face hidden from Brittany. Suddenly Brittany's hands were gone and then the bed was shaking as the blonde shifted. After a few seconds Santana felt the length of Brittany's body press against hers through the blankets and long arms wrapping around her as Brittany lay down next to her. "It's ok. I know you're frightened Santana and you just needed to be alone," she whispered soothingly. Santana tensed at that. She finally lifted her face to peer into Brittany's blue eyes, but Brittany fixed her gaze just above Santana's head, trying unsuccessfully to hide how hurt she was from Santana. Santana managed to wriggle a hand out of her cocoon to rest it on Brittany's cheek.

"No Britt-Britt," she whispered. "It's not ok and I'm sorry." The hurt in the blue eyes faded significantly and Brittany's lips quirked up at the corners and then she positively beamed at Santana.

"I forgive you," she cooed softly. Santana was confused by her seemingly overly positive reaction for a moment until it hit her. She had never directly apologised to Brittany before. After all of the years of crap from her parents, especially her mother's irregular but frequent violent outbursts, verbal apologies had lost all meaning to Santana. Usually when she upset Brittany she would try to apologise indirectly with pointed looks, sweet kisses or orgasms in an attempt to _show _that she was apologetic rather than saying it with what she considered to be meaningless, obligatory words. Santana was pulled from her thoughts again by Brittany depositing tiny kisses all over her face, carefully avoiding the injured parts. The soft lips barely brushing her skin tickled maddeningly and Santana couldn't help the giggles that began to escape her lips. Brittany smiled and pressed a proper kiss to her forehead before pulling back to look at her girlfriend, her blue eyes turning serious. "I love you Santana," she said softly, her eyes boring into Santana's. Santana looked down nervously. It was the first time Brittany had told her that since they had started dating and it just felt so much more intense now. "You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know that I do," Brittany smiled, tilting Santana's face up so that the dark haired girl could see the honesty in her eyes. Santana wriggled her other arm out of the blankets and wrapped both arms around Brittany's neck, hugging her tight. Without Brittany's unnerving staring Santana managed to dig up some courage.

"_And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before_," she sang softly into the blonde's ear, smiling as she felt Brittany grin against her shoulder and her arms squeeze her tighter before she pulled back to press a kiss to Santana's lips.

"Breakfast, girls," came a soft voice behind them, causing them to leap apart. Leroy laughed openly at the way they were now sprawled on the bed, eyes wide and darting around guiltily, a good foot of space between them. "I'm sorry I didn't knock, the door was open," he told them. "You know you're allowed to be affectionate with each other, you don't have to hide that here," Leroy told them, leaning casually against the doorframe. "Just...be respectful about anything else you're doing," he told them, looking away and clearing his throat awkwardly. He burst out laughing again when both girls blushed wildly, Santana trying in vain to pull her cocoon back up to cover her face. "Well now that I've made things sufficiently awkward for the day, why don't you come and get some pancakes?" he chuckled before leaving the two girls to recover from their embarrassment.

"Oh God," Santana groaned, pulling the blankets down and sitting up.

"Just wait," Brittany said with a shrug.

"Wait for what?" Santana asked, confused.

"Wait 'til we go to my house and get the 'respectful sex' lecture from my Mom," Brittany shuddered at the memory of getting that talk when she had been dating Artie. It was right up there with the most horrifying experiences of her life so far, and her Mom had chosen to do it in the car, rendering Brittany a captive audience unable to escape. Brittany had just been eternally grateful that her mother had never said anything to Artie. She knew that Santana however, wouldn't get off so easily since her Mom basically considered Santana to be an honorary Pierce and therefore had no hang-ups about treating her basically the same way she treated Brittany.

"Oh god," Santana visibly paled at that. Brittany giggled and grabbed the pills and water that Rachel had left on the nightstand, holding them out to Santana.

"We'll get through it together," she assured the horrified girl. "Here, take your pills and lets go get pancakes," Brittany said, her eyes lighting up at the concept.

Glee

Brittany watched Santana in concern as she settled down at the table. As soon as they had gotten down the stairs, Santana's behaviour had changed dramatically. The inky haired girl was perched on the chair with her knees pulled up to her chest and her head down, shrinking into herself as much as she possibly could. She had her hands up on the sides of her head, lightly covering her ears. It was Santana's classic anxious pose and Brittany hated it. She had always hated it. She hated the way Santana tried to make herself as tiny as possible, she hated the way her breathing became rapid and uneven, she hated the way she fearfully covered her ears and hid her eyes, and most of all she hated the frightened look in her eyes when Brittany finally coaxed her into lifting her head. Brittany shifted her chair right up close to Santana's, wrapping an arm around her and leaning her head on top of Santana's, trying to help her to settle. When she only tensed further and started breathing faster and harder Brittany let out a tense breath of her own. She shifted her head so that her lips were right next to Santana's ear.

"_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away," _Brittany sang softly, keeping her voice low and soothing, trying to instil some calm in the other girl, to soothe away some of her anxiety. Rachel walked in then and her face immediately fell from a bright smile into a look of deep concern.

"Santana are you ok?" she asked carefully. For whatever reason; that was all it took to push Santana over. Santana abruptly lost all control over her breathing, her chest hitching as she sucked in noisy shallow breaths. Her skin got clammy, her whole body started to shake uncontrollably and she went limp against Brittany. Full blown panic attack. "Brittany?" Rachel asked fearfully, looking between the two girls.

"Britt?" Santana gasped out helplessly. Her eyes, wide and terrified, darted all around the kitchen.

"It's ok Rachel," Brittany said calmly with a small smile. "I'm going to take Santana upstairs into the bathroom. Could you make her something sweet to drink, please?" Brittany stood, scooping Santana into her arms and lifting her up as if she weighed nothing. Santana's forehead came to rest against Brittany's neck, hot and clammy.

"Do you need help?" Leroy asked, moving forward.

"No that's ok," Brittany told him before turning and carrying Santana out of the kitchen. She took her upstairs and into the bathroom, placing Santana carefully in the empty tub and then turning off the lights. Thankfully the Berry's bathroom had blinds, allowing her to further darken the room. Brittany awkwardly climbed into the tub behind Santana, sitting her up more and wrapping her arms around her, holding her tight. Santana had started mumbling something incoherent on the way up the stairs and she was still repeating it now. "Santana I don't understand what you're saying. You need to breathe, just breathe and then tell me later ok?" she soothed; grabbing one of Santana's hands and wrapping an arm across her chest to rub Santana's upper arm soothingly. She could feel Santana's heart thumping fast and hard against the arm she had around her. "Breathe Tana, big breath in," Brittany took a deep breath herself and Santana tried weakly to copy her. "Now big breath out," Brittany instructed, a minute later there was a soft knock on the door. "Come in Rachel," Brittany called out. Rachel opened the door and crept in quietly.

"I brought some Gatorade. I made it a little stronger so it's probably hideously sweet but you said 'something sweet' so-," Rachel rambled nervously setting the glass on the vanity. Brittany cut her off when she felt Santana's breathing quicken again.

"Thank you Rachel, that's perfect," she said reassuringly.

"It-it's cherry flavoured," Rachel told them as she backed toward the door. "Just...call if you need anything ok," she told them, clearly wanting to get away from the distressing sight in front of her. It took Brittany nearly twenty minutes to get Santana calmed down, and they were both sticky, sweaty messes in the muggy bathroom by the time she did. Brittany managed to coax Santana into drinking about half of her Gatorade before Santana let out a huge yawn and started to fall asleep on the lid of the toilet where Brittany had sat her to wash her face after hauling them both out of the bathtub. Brittany smiled fondly at her and helped her to stand, leading her back into the guest bedroom. Santana was out like a light as soon as her head hit the pillow. She tidied up the bathroom before heading downstairs, finding the three Berry's at the table. Rachel she had expected, but she had thought that Leroy and Hiram would have gone to work.

"How is she doing?" Hiram asked in concern.

"Sleeping," Brittany said tiredly.

"Is this a regular thing for her? The panic attacks?" Hiram asked.

"Sometimes," Brittany shrugged. "When things get bad at home and she's really stressed. But I know how to fix her." Brittany's tone started changing to the flat, childlike tone that she tended to use at school in that last sentence.

"Why the bathroom?" Rachel blurted her question, unable to hold it in.

"That's just where Santana goes; the empty bathtub in the dark. I think it makes her feel secure. Like Lord Tubbington when he climbs in my Cheerios bag," Brittany's eyes took on the vacant, emotionless look that went with the childlike voice and Rachel reached out to rub her arm, knowing that this was Brittany's walls coming up. "It's really scary," Brittany's face crumpled and she burst into tears. Rachel and Leroy were right beside her in an instant.

"Oh Britt, it was terrifying to see her like that. It must be even worse when it's someone you really love," Leroy squeezed her hand gently as Rachel smoothed Brittany's sweat dampened hair off of her forehead. Brittany nodded miserably, wiping at her tears with the back of her free hand and Leroy was suddenly struck by how _young_ she was. She was only seventeen, but in the last twenty four hours she had seemed so much older and wiser and Leroy was beginning to see why. Rachel handed Brittany a glass of water and the blonde suddenly realised how thirsty she was. She drank it down in a few big gulps and when she finished she was a little more settled. Leroy tried to let go of her hand but she clung on tightly.

" Leroy?' she asked, peering up at him with wide blue eyes, her voice tiny.

"Yes?" he replied.

"What if I can't fix her this time?"

Leroy didn't have an answer for that.

Glee


	9. Progress

A/N: Yikes. I owe you all a big apology for the delay in getting this up. Between moving house and starting Uni and a new part time job I haven't had a lot of time. I've been chipping away at it whenever I've had a spare moment but I still feel bad for taking as long as I have. Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing, favouriting and alerting. It's nice to know that people are enjoying what I'm writing.

Now, without further ado; Santana makes a little progress…but will it last?

-G-

The next week was fairly uneventful but worrying for the Berrys. Santana only came out of her room to use the bathroom or refill her water bottle and when she did that she wandered along the hallway like a pale little zombie. She would only speak to Brittany, although she didn't seem to mind when Rachel came and sat silently in the room with her. Rachel felt like she needed to ensure that Santana at least had some company when Brittany wasn't there. Much to Brittany's horror her parents had insisted that she still follow their old rule of only spending every other night with Santana, so that Santana would at least have some things in her life stay the same as before. It had resulted in a lot of tears and screaming matches between them and the usually mellow and docile Brittany. Although she sympathised with Brittany, Rachel thought that her parents had the right idea. It gave Brittany and Santana both some distance to work through their own feelings and it also gave Rachel the opportunity to spend some one on one time with Santana to try to get her former friend to let her in. She had made a little progress in that week; the first time she had come in with her book and just sat next to Santana, the other girl had rolled away from her angrily, although she didn't ask her to leave. The second time Rachel had come in Santana had rolled away again but without the angry huff from last time. Then the third time Santana hadn't rolled away at all. She had lain on her bed and watched Rachel as she settled into the comfy desk chair and began to read. When Rachel had looked up at the feel of eyes fixed on her, Santana had quirked a questioning eyebrow at her.

"I know you don't want to talk but I figured some quiet companionship with no questions asked might be good for you," Rachel had explained, before going back to her book, leaving Santana to mull that over.

It had been a week to the day that Santana had arrived on their doorstep that she got her first visitor other than Brittany and she came as a shock to everyone. A pink-haired, slightly grubby, newly tattooed shock all dressed in black with a shiny silver nose ring. Quinn Fabray with a whole new look and an apparent personality transplant. Rachel had opened the door to her and had gaped, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish before she managed to form words.

"Quinn?" Rachel had sputtered out.

"Rachel," Quinn's voice was gravelly and deeper than normal, which Rachel figured must have a connection to the strong, acrid smell of cigarette smoke that clung to the pink haired girl's clothes.

"Can, can I help you with something?" Rachel asked, still unable to fully process the image in front of her.

"I heard that Santana's staying here. She in?" Quinn asked, looking bored as she casually shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Uh, yeah. She's not in very good shape right now. I'm not sure if she'll want visitors,' Rachel told her. Rachel was surprised when the bored look on Quinn's face was replaced immediately with one of desperation.

"Please Rachel? I just got home from vacation and my Mom told me what happened. I really need to see her. She's one of the only friends I have left and she's hurting. Please?" Quinn stepped forward and reached out, placing her hands pleadingly on Rachel's upper arms.

"I'll ask her," Rachel sighed in resignation. "Come in," she stood back and let Quinn past her and into the house. Quinn dropped the small bag she had had slung over her shoulder onto the floor next to the door. Rachel led her upstairs and asked her to wait in the hallway as she knocked on Santana's door. As expected she got no answer. She quietly opened the door and found the familiar sight of Santana peering at her from the folds of her blanket cocoon. "Santana," Rachel said softly. "Quinn's here. She wants to see you." Santana sat up abruptly, her blankets slipping down to pool at her waist. Her normally sleek black hair stuck up in all directions and her eyes darted wildly.

"Why?" Santana asked, her voice hoarse.

"I have no idea. Ask her," Rachel shrugged. Quinn peeked her head around the corner then and suddenly Santana's wild eyed nervous look dissolved into a smirk.

"Hey you," Quinn's gravelly voice was soft. "Thought you might like to wallow in your fucked up misery with someone who sort of gets it." Rachel flinched at the f-word coming from the usually lady-like Quinn.

"And is apparently equally fucked up," Santana replied. Quinn shrugged lazily in response. "What makes you think I want you here?" Santana asked, her old cruel tone creeping back into her voice.

"You and Britt reached out to me in New York. I figure we're far from friends but I'd like to think that maybe we're heading in that direction. Certainly sounds like you could use a few friends right about now Santana," Quinn slid past Rachel and moved to sit on the bed next to Santana. Santana just eyed her warily, not sure what to make of that. "I've been here before Santana. I know how it feels to get thrown out. Although my parents never got violent," Quinn inched her hand out very slowly and ran a gentle fingertip along Santana's jaw line, pleased when Santana tensed but didn't pull away.

"What about your 'faith'," Santana made air quotes at the word, her face twisting in disgust as she glared at Quinn. "Shouldn't I be an abomination in your eyes?" she snarled.

"I'm not my parents, Santana," Quinn sighed. "If I believed that do you think I'd be in glee with Kurt?" Quinn asked. "Or Rachel for that matter," Quinn vaguely gestured toward Rachel who still stood in the doorway. "And did you honestly think I didn't know about you and Brittany?" Quinn raised one eyebrow in disbelief. Santana swallowed hard and looked away. "I used to stand outside the locker room door after practice to make sure no one went back in and caught you two getting it on in the showers." Santana blushed crimson at that and Rachel let out a strangled cough and darted out of the room, causing Quinn to burst out laughing. "Sue knows too," Quinn felt like she should tell Santana that so that she wouldn't get a shock next time she saw her.

"How? Did you-," Santana started angrily.

"I never said a word," Quinn interrupted. "I have no idea how she knows but she has for a while. She pulled me into her office one day and told me to do whatever I could to help keep it a secret. I don't know whose benefit that was for..." Quinn trailed off. "For what it's worth Santana, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know there's probably nothing I can do to make it better but if there's anything I can do...anything at all, I'll do it," Santana's face crumpled and her chest hitched. She had never heard Quinn say anything with that much sincerity before, nor had she ever heard the other girl offer actual friendship that went beyond the superficial, shallow facade of friendship that she maintained with everybody else. A sob escaped before Santana could stop it and Quinn wrung her hands nervously before cautiously extending her arms toward Santana. Santana hesitated before she shifted forward and let herself be held tightly against Quinn. She smelled like cigarettes and faint traces of something floral and it comforted Santana somehow. She tucked her head tighter against Quinn's chest as she sniffled helplessly. "I'm so sorry Santana. I really am," Quinn said softly, her own voice raw with emotion. After a few minutes Santana had stopped crying and was beginning to regroup. Quinn pulled back and held her at arm's length, looking her up and down. "Ok, the sappy emotional part of this is done, next we wallow. But first, you need to shower. Your hair is incredibly gross and you smell worse than I do," Quinn told her, wrinkling her nose in mostly faux disgust. Santana flipped her off with a glare. "Have you got some clean clothes?" she asked, looking around the very empty room. Santana shook her head sadly. "No? Rachel!" Quinn called out. Rachel was back in the room in seconds. "Santana needs something clean to wear. She's going to take a shower before we watch movies and eat junk food," Quinn told her. Rachel looked a little nervous.

"Ok. I um, well my Dads gave me some money the other day to get you a few things to wear since you only have those," she gestured to Santana's jeans and Abercrombie tee before darting out of the room. Brittany had bought Santana the spare underwear that Santana always kept at Brittany's; but bad timing had meant that Santana had taken the rest of the spare clothes she kept at Brittany's home the day before she got kicked out. For some reason Santana had refused to wear anything of Brittany's or Rachel's and would only wear her jeans and tee or the pajamas that Rachel had given her that first night. Even Brittany had no idea why Santana wouldn't wear anything else. Rachel came back into the room and handed Santana a canvas bag. "It's only some sweats and t-shirts and a pair of jeans but...they're yours," Rachel said shyly. The previous day Leroy had had the idea that maybe Santana was so attached to her jeans and tee because they were _hers._ They were the only things in the Berry household - aside from Santana's phone - that were hers and hers alone. She had been left with nothing after her parents had thrown her out. Santana stared at the bag in her hands and Quinn and Rachel watched as she seemed to struggle with how to respond. Santana's lip wobbled noticeably before she lifted her face and locked eyes with Rachel briefly before looking away again. She carefully pulled the small pile of clothes out of the bag and looked at them.

"They're for me?" Santana asked, as if she couldn't quite grasp the concept.

"They're all yours," Rachel smiled softly at her. "I washed them for you. That's why I didn't give them to you yesterday," she told her. Rachel tore her gaze away from Santana when she heard Quinn swallowing convulsively beside her. She found Quinn looking at Santana, then at Rachel, then back again with tears in her eyes. Rachel reached out for her, touching her shoulder gently when she realised that Santana's reaction to the clothes had driven home to Quinn just how much of a mess she was.

"Your Dads shouldn't have to buy things for me," Santana looked at Rachel again, her face was conflicted, like she desperately wanted a few things to call her own but she felt bad for taking them.

"Well," Rachel said, considering. "Maybe you could help out with the chores as pay back? I'm sure they'd appreciate that," she suggested carefully. Santana seemed to consider for a while before slowly nodding, still looking a little conflicted. "Why don't you take a shower Santana? You can use any of the stuff I put out for you." Santana nodded again, placing her new clothes down and carefully checking them out. There was a pair of full length sweats, a pair of ¾ length sweats, a pair of jeans and three t-shirts. Oblivious to Quinn and Rachel watching her, Santana quietly selected the ¾ sweats and a grey t-shirt before lifting one corner of her mouth into a slight smile and padding quietly out of the room.

"Jesus Christ," Quinn breathed as soon as she heard a door close down the hall. "What the hell did those people do to her?" she asked, half angry, half deeply upset. "She's so..."

"Broken," Rachel provided, her voice sad. "I know. At this point I'd give everything I have to be able to have mean, snarky, cruel Santana back. Because as deeply as that one hurt me, this one just shatters my heart into smaller and smaller pieces every day."

"You're a good person Rachel," Quinn said softly after a few moments of contemplative silence. "I know we used to tell you otherwise...some of us still do for that matter. But it isn't true." Quinn wiped at her eyes before she stood and busied herself folding the clothes that Santana had left laid out on her bed, placing them neatly in the dresser when she was done. "I don't even know how to treat her. What to say," Quinn leaned against the dresser, gripping the edge with both hands. Rachel sat on the edge of the bed behind her.

"Just treat her like you did before. Maybe just a little more physically cautious. I've noticed that she's a little jumpy with sudden movement. She's always been like that but it's more pronounced with her increased anxiety levels. Talk to her about the things you'd usually talk about. Just let her know that you're there whenever she's ready to let you in. Let her know that it's ok to talk about the serious stuff but let her initiate the actual conversations about it," Rachel shrugged. "That's what I've been doing anyway."

"Wow you're really smart about Santana, Rachel. You're like, a Santana-genius," Brittany bounded in from the hallway and pounced onto the pile of blankets on the bed, frowning when she realised there was no small warm body squashed under hers. "Where's Santana?" she asked. "Holy crap! Quinn you look badass!" Brittany jumped up off the bed again as she noticed Quinn, walking over to her former captain and reaching out to touch her bright pink hair. "I love it! It looks like cotton candy!" Rachel was trying to absorb Brittany's chatter as she jumped around from subject to subject with barely enough pause to take a breath. "I don't think it'd taste like cotton candy though...would it? Where's Santana?" she asked again.

"Santana's in the shower and no my hair wouldn't taste like cotton candy, Britt, it'd taste like hair. Please don't taste it," Quinn answered, used to Brittany's wild conversational skills.

"I bet your mom hates it," Brittany grinned. "I think you look super hot. Can I touch your nose ring?"

"Mom does hate it, thank you and sorry but the nose ring is only a week old and it'll get infected if you touch it," Quinn replied. Brittany looked sad for a moment but then brightened again.

"Oh yeah. I remember when I got my tragus pierced and I kept playing with it and it got infected. My mom said I was not allowed to touch it unless I was cleaning it until it was all healed. Can I touch it when it's healed?" Brittany asked.

"Sure Britt," Quinn couldn't deny the girl twice in a row.

"Yay!" Brittany clapped her hands excitedly. "I'm going to talk to Santana!" she bounced out of the room again

"She's in the shower!" Rachel called after her, but Brittany either ignored or didn't hear her.

"That won't stop her," Quinn laughed. "She curls up against the door and chatters non-stop until Santana comes out. She doesn't even care that Santana can't hear her over the water. She says she just likes to talk to make sure Santana doesn't get lonely in there by herself."

"She used to do that when we were younger and I was in the bathtub," Rachel suddenly remembered. "That or she would just barge in, strip and get in with me," Rachel smiled at the memory.

"She still does _that_ with Santana too," Quinn deadpanned. "Wait, you used to be friends with Brittany? I didn't know that."

"And Santana," Rachel told her. "Brittany's parents and my Dads have been best friends since my Dads moved to Lima twenty years ago. Santana moved in down the road when we were seven," Rachel's voice tightened with every word but Quinn missed it.

"What happened?" Quinn asked curiously, realising too late that that was a bad idea.

"You," Rachel replied angrily. "You happened. Then I wasn't good enough anymore." She walked out of Santana's room and into her own, slamming the door hard as the hurt rose up inside of her. She felt guilty too, she shouldn't have snapped at Quinn like that. Quinn had seemed honestly surprised to find out that Rachel used to be friends with the other two. Rachel threw herself onto her bed and curled up facing the wall, jamming her hands over her ears to try to block out Brittany's chattering in the hallway. She couldn't hear the chattering anymore, just the sounds of her own shaky breaths as she tried hard not to cry. She was so focussed on that and keeping her hands tightly over her ears that she didn't hear the chatter stop or her door slowly opening. She nearly leapt out of her skin when a soft hand ghosted over the back of hers. She flipped over and came face to face with sad, bright blue eyes. Brittany gently pulled her hands away from her ears, pulling them up to her mouth and kissing each one in turn. Rachel flinched a little bit, still unused to Brittany's displays of physical affection.

"We have a lot to fix, huh?" Brittany said gently and Rachel could see the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes. She looked away, not wanting to see that because it made her feel bad for getting upset when in reality she had every right to be hurt. She jumped again when soft lips pressed to her temple only to be replaced by a thumb a moment later as Brittany wiped off the imprint her sticky lip gloss left behind. "Come watch movies with us Rachel," she kept her voice gentle. "Quinn didn't mean to upset you. I can't even begin to understand how much we hurt you but...we want to try to fix it. We want you to hang out with us," Brittany had reached up to stroke Rachel's hair back behind her ear and Rachel stared at her for a moment.

"How do you go from bouncing around and asking three thousand questions like a five year old to intelligent, thoughtful and insightful?" Rachel demanded. Brittany shrugged, pinched her eyebrows and gave a light, evasive smile.

"Can I hug you now?" Brittany asked, choosing not to answer the question. Rachel slowly held out her arms and couldn't help but giggle when Brittany hooked her arms under Rachel's and lifted her up off the bed, spinning a couple of times before setting her back on her feet. She didn't let go though, tucking Rachel in tight against her and holding on for dear life. Rachel felt several kisses drop onto her head and then Brittany froze against her. "Oops! Tana said I'm supposed to ask people if it's ok before I give them friend-kisses because some people don't like that. You like friend-kisses right?" and just like that Brittany was back to her over-excited five year old persona.

"Sure Britt, I like your friend-kisses," she said softly.

-G-

Half an hour later the four girls were sitting in the Berry's living room, Santana freshly showered with her hair washed and combed and looking perkier than she had in days, watching the first season of Friends which Quinn had brought over. Quinn it turned out had had a ton of junk food neatly packed in the bag she had been carrying earlier, all of Santana's favourites and she had even brought vegan alternatives which had come as a big surprise to Rachel. Quinn and Brittany were sitting on either side of Santana on the couch and Rachel was stretched out comfortably on the la-Z-boy recliner.

"If I eat much more of this I'm going to burst," Brittany announced randomly, lifting her shirt to eye her stomach warily, Rachel rolled her eyes when she looked up and saw Brittany stuffing several milk duds into her mouth, in spite of her previous statement.

"Then stop stuffing your face," Rachel pointed out dryly.

"But milk duds are my favourite," Brittany looked like she was about to cry.

"Then you should put them away so you can have them later," Rachel suggested.

"Oh!" Brittany leapt up and Rachel heard her rustling in the pantry, no doubt hiding her candy. Sure enough she came back a few moments later empty-handed with a sneaky smile on her face.

"If you find milk duds in your muesli tomorrow Rachel you have yourself to blame," Santana commented quietly.

"Oh damn it!" Rachel suddenly remembered Brittany's penchant for hiding candy in various baking ingredients and boxes of cereal. "Brittany-,"

"Mom made me stop doing that at other people's houses years ago," Brittany commented flippantly, picking up a Reese's peanut butter cup and peeling the paper cup off of it. Rachel eyed her warily, knowing that just because Kate had said it, it didn't mean that Brittany would listen.

"Britt-Britt if you throw up from all that candy you're sleeping on the couch," Santana told her girlfriend. Brittany just poked half of the peanut butter cup into Santana's mouth and giggled. It got a small smile out of Santana.

A few hours later and Quinn decided that since it was two hours after her curfew and her mom had called her 13 times –all of which she had ignored- it was time to go home and have their nightly fight. The devious sense of glee she seemed to get out of that idea was slightly disturbing to Rachel and apparently Santana too, judging by the look on her face. Brittany was almost in a chocolate coma and barely managed to drag herself upstairs and to Santana's room before collapsing onto the bed and falling asleep instantly. Santana lingered at the top of the stairs and Rachel turned to get a better look at her.

"Ok?" she asked. Santana scuffed her toes on the carpet a little bit.

"Do you have hair straighteners?" she asked softly, pointing at her unruly black curls, the ones Rachel remembered her having as a little girl.

"Sure," Rachel replied. "I can do it for you, if you want," she offered.

"Ok," Santana nodded shyly. She followed Rachel into her room and sat on a stool in front of the mirror at Rachel's request. Rachel turned her straighteners on and worked some product into Santana's hair before she set to work. Santana's hair was thick and there was a lot of it and it took Rachel a long time to work through it all, humming unconsciously as she did. Santana sat still with her eyes closed and Rachel distantly wondered if she felt awkward or if she was just enjoying being pampered a little bit.

"Finished," Rachel said proudly after the last strands were perfectly straight and sitting neatly. Santana opened her eyes, turning her head side to side a little to check Rachel's work. Satisfied she stood.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"No problem. The flat iron and curling iron live in this drawer," Rachel opened the drawer to show her. "You're welcome to come in and use them whenever. I've got a blow dryer and rollers and stuff in there if you want them too. Products are all lined up there. Use anything you want ok?"

"Thanks," Santana repeated.

"You're wel- oof," Rachel was cut off as she turned around and was yanked into a tight hug. It barely lasted a second and Santana darted out of her room without a word and Rachel heard the door to Santana's room click closed a few moments later.

-G-

Rachel awoke with a start, hearing screaming somewhere in the house. She leapt out of bed, grabbed her pepper spray and bolted out of her bedroom, almost running into her Dads in the hallway.

"Santana," Leroy said sadly, nodding to her door, where the screams from earlier had turned into soft sobs. A few moments later another set of sobs started up too, these ones were louder and broken and Rachel was sure they were Santana's. She took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her own throat before opening Santana's door slowly.

"Call if you need," Hiram whispered loudly as he and Leroy headed back into their room. Rachel gave a brief nod before heading further into Santana's dark room.

"Santana?" she called out softly. She could see someone sitting straight up in bed and it took her a few minutes for her eyes to readjust to the darkness after the bright light in the hallway. It was Brittany sitting upright in the bed and Rachel's eyes darted around, searching the darkness for Santana.

"I want to go home," Brittany sobbed and Rachel realised that she had one palm pressed to her cheek as if in pain. As she rounded the bed Rachel could just make out Santana cowered against the wall.

"What happened?" Rachel asked and Brittany sniffled and then started sobbing again.

"She scratched me! I was trying to help and she scratched me!" the blonde cried and even through the darkness Rachel could see the wide-eyed, stricken look on her face. Santana's sobs ratcheted up in intensity at that.

"I'm sure she didn't mean to Brittany," Rachel tried to keep the shock out of her voice as she spoke to her. She must have given Santana a hell of a fright or something for her to have reacted that way right? "How about you go and curl up in my bed and I'll be there soon?" Rachel suggested. Brittany wordlessly got up and walked out of the room, still sniffling miserably and holding her cheek with one hand.

"Santana?" Rachel said gently as she hesitantly moved toward the cowering girl.

"I want Brittany," Santana sobbed. "Not you!"

"Yes well, Brittany doesn't want to talk to you right now. What happened?" Rachel said gently. She sat down, leaning her back against the bed so she was sitting opposite where Santana leaned against the wall.

"I don't know! I don't remember!" Santana had stopped sobbing but her voice was crackly and distressed. "I don't remember scratching her!"

"Did you have a bad dream?" Rachel asked, trying to keep her voice gentle.

"Yes," Santana wiped at her nose with the back of her arm and Rachel cringed, reaching for the tissues on the nightstand and holding them out to Santana.

"What happened?" Rachel asked as Santana quietly blew her nose.

"It was dark, I couldn't see. Someone was chasing me and they were getting closer and closer. Then they grabbed my arm and I woke up. Then Britt was crying and she said I scratched her," Santana's pitch rose as she got upset all over again.

"Maybe Brittany tried to wake you?" Rachel suggested. "Maybe that was who grabbed your arm. Maybe you lashed out in your sleep?"

"Maybe," Santana sniffled miserably.

"You and I both know you'd never consciously hurt her, Santana. She knows that too. She's just confused and scared and a little hurt," Rachel spoke soothingly. She couldn't stop the corners of her lips from quirking up when Santana uncurled one of her legs, slowly stretching it out until her toes briefly bumped against Rachel's ankle. Rachel couldn't help but find her little seeking touches cute.

"I feel horrible. I've never seen her look like that," Santana whispered. "Or I've never _made_ her look like that," she corrected.

"Come and talk to her Santana. Tell her what you were dreaming about and tell her you're sorry," Rachel told her.

"No. She doesn't want me," Santana shook her head.

"Of course she does," Rachel said sternly. "You two have like the unhealthiest relationship ever," she huffed. "You are so insecure Santana. You get so caught up in your own head, in your own fears of rejection, that you reject her and push her away whenever you do something you perceive as 'wrong' so that she doesn't have the chance to do it first. All she wants is for you to fight for her Santana. Like you did last year, when you sang with her in Glee and admitted that she actually meant something and that she wasn't just sex to you," she ranted, oblivious to Santana's wide eyes and gaping mouth. "Get off your butt, go in there and apologise. Fight for her. Show her that you didn't mean to and that you love her for goodness' sake!" Rachel was panting when she finished.

"How…?" Santana managed to get out, shaking her head in disbelief at Rachel's accurate perception and knowledge of her relationship.

"Brittany," Rachel said by way of explanation. "She needs someone to talk to sometimes. She just wants to fix things," she said, seeing by her facial expression that Santana understood that she meant with both of them. Santana was quiet for a moment, staring at her hands that were twisting a tissue in her lap. She thought that surely Brittany wouldn't want to see her, wouldn't want to hear her apologies, but then she thought about the way Brittany had reacted when she had apologised for telling her to 'get the fuck out' of her room. She recalled the pride, love and happiness in Brittany's face and thought that maybe Rachel was right.

"That's good," she said softly in reply to Rachel's last admission, bumping her toes against Rachel's ankle again.

"Come on. I'll come with you to talk to her. I refereed fights between you two for how many years? And I always got them resolved," Rachel stood and held a hand out to Santana. Santana looked away guiltily and refused the offered hand, but she stood and followed Rachel out of the room. "Wait here," Rachel darted into the bathroom and came back out with some Neosporin, handing it to Santana. "Go in there and patch her up," she ordered. Santana tapped on the door before slowly pushing it open. Brittany had turned the light on and Rachel cringed when she saw her face. Her eyes were puffy, red and wet and she had three shallow scratches on her right cheek. They hadn't really broken the skin but they were still red and puffy and stood out starkly against her pale skin looking pretty sore.

"Oh my God," Santana breathed, dropping the Neosporin as she reached up to put her hands over her eyes.

"Tana?" Brittany sniffled, her eyes welling up again.

"I'm sorry Brittany," Santana choked out. "I was dreaming that someone was chasing me and then you must have touched me to wake me up and I must have thought you were whoever was chasing me and I'm sorry. I am so, so, so sorry," Santana sobbed. Rachel watched Brittany's face go from sad, to quiet pride to sad again as Santana spoke. She picked up the Neosporin as Brittany stood and walked across the room to engulf Santana in a smothering hug.

"It's ok sweetheart," she said softly, stroking her hair. "It's ok." Rachel quietly peeled one of Santana's hands away from Brittany's back and tucked the Neosporin back into it. Santana took the cue and pulled out of the hug.

"Let me fix it?" Santana's voice was tiny and her statement ended up coming out as a question instead. Brittany smiled and walked backwards until she reached the bed. She sat down and waited for Santana to 'fix' her. Santana wiped at her eyes with her sleeve before walking over and carefully applying the cream to her cheek with a gentle finger.

"All better," Brittany whispered. "I'm sorry too. I just wanted you to wake up and stop dreaming horrible things. I didn't mean to scare you." Santana looked like she was about to argue but then changed her mind.

"It's ok," she replied softly.

"Now you've made up you're supposed to kiss," Rachel jokingly pointed out in the over the top, obnoxious way she spoke at school and in Glee. Santana blushed bright red and looked at the floor, missing the way Brittany's face lit up and then fell when she made no move to kiss her. Rachel immediately felt like smacking herself.

"Santana?" Brittany asked. "Can I please have a kiss?" her voice had become hesitant, cautious and unsure. Santana stayed frozen in place. "You're safe here Santana. We don't have to hide."

"I'll turn around and block my ears if that makes it easi-," Rachel began lightly, stopping abruptly when Santana suddenly lifted her head, leaned forward and quickly pecked Brittany on the lips. She sat back again, looking nervous but incredibly proud of herself and Rachel did an internal victorious fist pump. It seemed like Santana might finally be making a little bit of progress, at least in her relationship with Brittany. It was a start.

"Thank you," Brittany beamed, not missing a beat. Santana smiled back.

"It's just Rachel," she said bravely. "It's ok," she seemed to be trying to convince herself more than anything. Rachel smiled reassuringly at her.

"Come on," Brittany stood, pulling Santana up with her. "Let's go back to bed. It's late." Santana yawned and nodded, allowing Brittany to tug her toward the door.

"Night Rachel," Brittany said as she passed the other girl.

"Night," Rachel replied. Santana tugged back when Brittany tried to pull her out of the room, stopping in front of Rachel. The taller girl's eyes darted wildly for a bit before she slowly reached out and squeezed Rachel's hand.

"Thank you," Santana whispered as she let go and allowed Brittany to tug her out of the room. Rachel closed the door behind them and finally let herself do the little victory dance she had been holding in. She knew it wasn't much, and that for all of the steps forward she had taken in the past 24 hours Santana would probably take two more backwards in the morning; but progress was progress, no matter how small. Santana had a long way to go, they all did, but Rachel knew that if they all persevered she would get there in the end. They all would.

-G-


	10. Backwards

A/N: Some more troubling behaviour from Santana and some details get sorted out…still in the thick of the fallout at the moment so still very angsty. Probably will be for a chapter or so yet then things will start to progress a little bit instead of being so "one step forward two steps back" for Santana all of the time.

Thanks to all who have been so patient with me. I am a slack, slack little writer…

-G-

Leroy was surprised to find Santana dressed and padding around in the kitchen at 6.30am the next morning making coffee.

"Morning Santana," he greeted tiredly.

"Good morning," she replied shyly. Leroy was pleased to hear her voice. "Coffee?" she asked him, cautiously holding out the pot.

"Hell yes," Leroy grinned. He grabbed his mug from the cupboard and held it out to Santana, smiling as she carefully filled it. "How come you're up so early?" Leroy asked, moving to add sugar to his coffee.

"Couldn't sleep," Santana said softly. "Knew you would be up soon so I thought I'd make you coffee since I woke you at 3am," the girl blushed as she set the coffee pot down and took a sip from a glass of water that had been sitting next to her on the counter.

"Oh you didn't have to do that," Leroy smiled, simultaneously touched by Santana's thoughtfulness and pleased that she was interacting with someone other than Brittany and Rachel. He took a sip of his coffee and let out a groan of pleasure. "Oh but you're welcome to any time you like," he added, taking another sip. "Wow that's good." He opened his eyes to find Santana looking up at him through her eyelashes, a tiny, shy smile tugging at the corner of her lips. It disappeared as quickly as it came and Santana took a small step backward, her hands shifting to wring in front of her.

"Thank you," she said quietly, voice barely more than a whisper. "Thank you for letting me stay here a-and the clothes."

"You're more than welcome Santana," Leroy smiled warmly. "You don't drink coffee yourself?" he asked, changing the subject. Santana shook her head lightly.

"I don't like it," she told him softly. "I'll stick to my water."

As Santana turned around to grab said water, she misjudged where she was and accidently knocked the glass off of the counter with her elbow shattering it on the kitchen floor. Leroy put his mug down and instinctively stepped forward to clean up the mess, freezing when Santana immediately cowered away from him, backing tightly against the counter and protectively throwing her hands up in front of her face.

"I'm sorry!" she cried out fearfully. Leroy was temporarily stunned speechless by Santana's total overreaction to the accident. He pulled himself together and stepped around the puddle of water and broken glass, reaching carefully for the still cowering girl who began whimpering in fear. "I-I'm s-sorry, I-I'm s-sorry, I-I-l'll c-c-clean it u-u-up. I-I'm s-sorry. P-Please d-don't b-be m-mad at m-me! P-Please?" she pleaded, stuttering badly.

"Santana," Leroy said softly. She flinched and continued chanting stuttered apologies and pleading with him not to hit her. "Santana, sweetheart, it's ok; I'm not mad, I'm not going to hurt you. Santana, come here," Leroy was careful to keep his voice light and soothing as he reached for her again. Hoping he was doing the right thing, wanting desperately to comfort her and to show her that she was safe, he gently wrapped his arms around her. Feeling her flinch at the gentle touch Leroy kept his arms very loose so that she could bolt if she wanted to, but she didn't, freezing in place instead. Leroy carefully pulled her small, badly shaking body lightly against his own, one hand moving to gently cup the back of her head to hold it in place against his chest while the other rubbed gentle circles between her shoulder blades. "Santana it was an accident. I'm not angry at you and I'm not going to yell at you or hit you," Leroy reassured her calmly. "You're safe here, Santana. It's just a broken glass. It's not a big deal," he was beyond pleased when Santana began to relax in his arms and he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "You're safe here baby girl," Leroy's voice cracked and tears sprung to his eyes as the reality of Santana's home life sucker punched him in the gut once again. The lump in his throat grew bigger when her slender arms hesitantly wrapped around him, her shaking easing ever so slightly as her hands tightly grasped the back of his shirt in her fists. Rachel chose that moment to walk in, stopping abruptly as she took in her Daddy's deeply sad, worried face and then the tearstained, still terrified face of the girl in his arms.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice conveying her shock and concern at the scene in front of her.

"We just had a bit of an accident and got a fright is all," Leroy told her gently with a sad smile, squeezing Santana tighter for a few seconds before releasing her and trying to guide her toward Rachel. It took a few long moments for him to coax her to let go of his shirt and go to Rachel and Leroy wondered how she had gone from being afraid of him to not wanting to let him go in the space of a few seconds. "How about you two go and sit on the couch and I'll clean up in here?" he suggested.

"Ok," Rachel said lightly, taking Santana gently by the hand and leading her out of the kitchen and over to the couch. Santana immediately pulled her hand out of Rachel's, sat down as far away as possible and stared straight ahead. "Do you want me to get Britt?" Rachel asked cautiously, not wanting to make Santana angry. She held out a tissue to the other girl who took it carefully, shooting a brief thankful glance at Rachel.

"No, let her sleep," Santana replied quickly, carefully dabbing at her eyes and nose. Rachel nodded and picked up the remote. She flicked through a few channels observing Santana's reaction to the shows that were playing. When she came across a marathon of Friends reruns she saw Santana's eyes light up a little and so she turned the volume up and settled in to watch. Twenty minutes later and Rachel was absorbed in watching Monica, Rachel and Phoebe prancing around in Monica's apartment in wedding dresses. She was so absorbed in fact that she jumped when she felt an arm brush against her own. She smiled apologetically at Santana who was now right beside her, watching her warily, and turned her attention back to the TV. She almost jumped again a few minutes later when Santana's head dropped very gently onto her shoulder, the taller girl's tense body curling slightly against her own. "Is…is this ok?" Santana asked, and Rachel hesitated purely because she had never, ever heard Santana speak so shyly. Santana started to move away when Rachel didn't answer straight away and Rachel mentally kicked herself for her hesitation.

"It's ok," Rachel said quickly, and Santana regarded her cautiously. "Really, I just, I'm not used to this is all. It's really fine," she told her, and Santana eyed her warily before moving back into her previous position, head on Rachel's shoulder and body curled slightly against hers. After a few minutes of testing silence, Santana gave a sigh and relaxed her tense muscles.

"Rachel?" Santana asked about a half a hour of surprisingly comfortable silence later. She had shifted away from Rachel after less than five minutes of contact, moving to lay down with her head on the arm rest and her feet next to Rachel's leg.

"Yes Santana?" Rachel replied absently, watching the screen.

"What's it like to have parents who love you?" Santana asked neutrally. Rachel swore she actually felt her heart tear in two within her chest. She swallowed hard and tried to come up with an answer but found that she couldn't.

"I…I can't explain that," she told Santana.

"Why?" Santana asked, sitting up to get a better look at Rachel, her face painted with deep confusion.

"I…I don't," Rachel swallowed hard again. "I can't explain because it's just the way my parents are. It's…I don't know any different to be able to explain," Rachel told her, her voice getting thicker and the lump in her throat getting bigger as Santana curled into herself more and more as she spoke.

"Oh."

"Santana," Rachel started, stopping again when she found herself unable to find the words to comfort the other girl. Santana looked deep in thought though.

"Your Daddy hugged me and told me it was ok when I broke something. Mine would have hit me, or yelled at me…or both. I guess that's the difference," Santana mused, her voice still neutral but with an edge of thoughtfulness now. Rachel felt a chill crawl down her spine at the simplistic, almost childlike observation of the situation. "I guess it's hard to say what it feels like either way until you've seen the other side." Santana, in a round-about, simplified way, spoke the truth. It was hard to see your own situation as anything but normal until you had been in someone else's. Rachel couldn't imagine her parents_ not_ loving her and treating her right because they just always had. Santana couldn't imagine living with parents who _did_ love her and treat her right because hers _never _had. It was twisted and Rachel hated it. She hated it and she wanted nothing more than to wrap Santana up and insulate her against everything bad in the world. "Why are you crying?" Santana's nervous question broke through Rachel's haze of thought and she put a hand up to her cheek. Sure enough it was wet with tears. She hadn't even realised she had started to cry.

"Because I'm sad, Santana," she replied thickly, and a little dryly. Santana cocked her head.

"Why?" Rachel was almost exasperated with Santana's apparent reversion to the dreaded 'why stage' of toddlerhood.

"Santana stop saying 'Why' you're not two," Rachel sighed before she could stop herself. Santana immediately looked at down her hands like a scolded child and it hit Rachel again just how far gone the old Santana was. "That was a joke, honey," Rachel said softly.

"Sorry," Santana apologised.

"No," Rachel shook her head. "Don't be sorry. None of this is your fault." Rachel didn't let her speak before answering her previous question. "I'm sad because it should be every child's god given right to have at least one loving parent or guardian, and to have a happy, secure childhood. I'm sad because no parent should be able to hurt their child as deeply as yours have hurt you. Mostly? I'm just sad because you are, Santana," Rachel admitted, her breath hitching uncontrollably toward the end. Santana opened her mouth as if to respond, then closed it again, tears welling in her eyes at the admission. She looked about to try and speak again when Leroy came in.

"Can we have a talk Santana?" he asked gently. Santana shot him a terrified look and didn't answer, snapping her eyes back to her hands, which were now wringing frantically in her lap. "You're not in trouble, it's ok," he soothed, noting with confusion that Santana was back to afraid of him. "Rach-," he started, suddenly realising his daughter was crying.

"I'm ok," Rachel leapt up off the couch and bolted out of the room, leaving her confused father to stare after her. Leroy looked at Santana and raised an eyebrow in question, frowning when Santana shrank away from him, pressing herself further into the couch cushions and making herself as small as possible, her hands wringing even more frantically than before, her eyes darting wildly around the room.

"Ohhh-kaaay," Leroy drew out the word, glancing after Rachel again before turning back to Santana. "Santana," Leroy sat down in the seat Rachel had just vacated. "Hey, hey," he cooed softly when Santana whimpered slightly. "Listen to me," he said in a firm, gentle voice. "You don't have to be afraid here. Hiram and I don't believe in name calling or yelling and we especially don't believe in hitting. Neither of us will ever lay a hand on you in anger. I want to promise you that here and now. I know that that probably means very little to you Santana. I'm sure your parents promised over and over that it wouldn't happen again and I bet it happened again every time, am I right?" Santana hadn't stopped cowering, but her wide eyes were locked on Leroy and she was absorbing his every word. She nodded slightly in answer to his question. "I thought as much," he shook his head angrily. "Santana I know it's going to take time to prove to you that we are telling the truth, but it's killing me to see you so afraid of me. Is there anything I can do to help you to trust me?" Leroy asked. "Anything?" Santana shook her head sadly. The only thing that would prove to Santana that he wouldn't call her names or hit her was if he didn't call her names or hit her and there wasn't really a way to speed up that process. She watched him warily for a moment, considering. Leroy hadn't gotten mad at her before when the glass had broken -he had hugged her and told her it was ok- and he was promising not to be cruel to her now.

Santana couldn't make sense of the thoughts in her head. On the one hand she desperately wanted a grownup to love her but on the other hand her parents had made it pretty clear that she was unlovable and she was sure that Hiram and Leroy would eventually figure that out and then they'd hate her too. Almost without her permission, Santana's hand crept out toward Leroy, the way it always seemed to do around Rachel, but instead of keeping still like Rachel, Leroy reached for her. He kept his movements smooth and not too fast as he cupped one big hand under her palm and stroked the back of her hand with the fingertips of the other. Santana scrunched her face up in confusion as she stared at their hands and then up at Leroy's face.

"Why are you nice to me?" she asked. The doorbell rang then and Santana didn't have time to figure out what the look that had briefly flittered across Leroy's features at her question had been. Leroy raised her hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it, smiling at her before going to answer the door. As soon as he was gone a blonde blur silently pounced over the back of the couch and landed on top of Santana with a heavy thud.

"Hello," Brittany's face was literally about three millimetres away from Santana's, her blue eyes were crossed as she tried to focus and Santana couldn't help but giggle. She cut off abruptly when she heard a familiar voice.

"Hi Leroy. I don't know if you remember me? I'm Cash Lopez. I'm Tana's brother."

-G-

"Hiram said I could come over this morning?"

"Cash," Santana breathed. She had shoved Brittany off of her unceremoniously and was scrambling to her feet as her brother came into the room with Leroy. "You didn't come back for me!" Santana burst into tears as soon as she saw him. It'd been a week and he hadn't even called since he had run away and left her. "You left me!" Cash reached for her but she pushed him away.

"Tana, please, I-," Cash pleaded, his voice choked.

"No! I thought you loved me! You said you loved me then you left me all alone!" Santana sobbed. Rachel had come back down the stairs along with Hiram now and they stood in the doorway, observing the scene. Normally Santana would have hated feeling like she was on display and in the back of her mind she could see that Cash was uncomfortably watching their audience but she was too upset to care.

"I didn't leave you alone!" Cash argued. "I left you with Brittany. There was no one else in the world I would have left you with. I knew she would look after you!"

"Why did you leave me? I needed you!" Santana was breathing hard, her heart pounding and her eyes wide.

"I didn't want you to see me cry," Cash said softly. "And then, then, I just, I was trying to find a way to take care of you. I tried so hard," Cash's voice was thick with emotion. "But I couldn't. Not that they were helping me out that much anyway but our parents cut me off. I make enough to support myself and make payments toward my student loans but I can't do that and support you too. And with my unpredictable hours I can't be there for you," Cash broke down then and Brittany gently pushed Santana toward him. Cash was in training to be an oncologist and had a couple more years to go. Their parents had insisted that he learn to take care of himself and so they had given him minimal financial support and so he had huge loans to pay off. He was struggling to make ends meet but he knew that once he had finished his training if he could secure a good job he would be ok, and he was almost there, almost there but not close enough to help his baby sister right now and it was killing him. "I couldn't find a way to take care of us both and I feel like a fucking failure Tana! I failed you!" Santana's shock at seeing her brother so upset had overtaken her anger and she threw herself at Cash, flinging her arms around his waist.

"It's ok, it's ok, it's ok," she chanted, her own voice cracking again as Cash's tears dropped into her hair. He held her a little while and then pulled back, needing to tell her everything before he chickened out.

"Come here," he sat down, pulling Santana into his lap. Leroy took Brittany gently by the hand and led her reluctantly out of the room.

"But I want to stay with her," Brittany protested on the way out.

"No honey," he said gently.

"But she's upset," Brittany pouted, her eyes welling.

"I know sweetheart," Leroy squeezed her hand. "But Santana and Cash need to have a talk. They need some time alone." He put an arm around Brittany's shoulders and gave her a squeeze as he handed her off to Rachel. "You girls should head upstairs and Hiram and I will come and get you soon ok?" he instructed.

"Ok," Rachel nodded, realising that something serious was going down. "Come on Britt, we can watch a Disney movie while we wait ok?" Brittany nodded, wiping her eyes on her sleeve as she followed Rachel upstairs.

Hiram and Leroy moved back to sit in the dining room, where they could hear the conversation taking place in the living room and wait until they were needed.

-G-

"What's going to happen?" Santana asked, after Brittany had been led away and she and Cash had had a few minutes to calm down. "If you can't take care of me?"

"Well," Cash took a big breath. "How would you feel about staying right here?"

"At Rachel's?" Santana asked.

"At Rachel's," Cash confirmed. "You'd be able to finish school at McKinley; you'd get to stay with your friends, with Brittany. I know it's not ideal. Living down the street from them, Tana, but…this just seems like the best option right now."

"I don't know Cash," Santana said softly.

"What are you worried about?" he asked.

"Rachel," Santana said quietly and Cash shook his head, amazed. "I bullied her. It feels wrong to take over her home. They should hate me." Cash nodded, understanding what she was saying.

"Hiram was worried about that too," he told her. Hiram and Leroy had taken that as their cue to come in.

"None of us hate you and we want you here, Santana. You know Rachel believes in second chances and so do we," Hiram said gently. Santana startled and pressed closer to Cash whose chest hitched at her reaction to the two men. "We've discussed some ground rules. We will allow some slip ups but if we think things are getting out of control or it's getting too hard for Rachel then we'd have to figure something else out," Hiram's voice was gentle, but firm. This was the time to be frank with Santana.

"You'd send me away?" Santana sounded so hurt that it broke all three men's hearts.

"Honey, we want to help you," Leroy told her. "But Rachel is our daughter. And she has to come first. But we would never leave you with nowhere to go. We would make sure you were safe and taken care of. We promise you both that ok?" Cash nodded, understanding where the men were coming from. He adored his sister but Hiram had filled him in on the way she had treated Rachel and he knew they had to put her first. He had a lot of respect for them for even taking Santana in in the first place after what she had apparently done.

"I'll try really, really hard, I promise," Santana said, her voice choked. "I don't want to get sent away again." Cash hugged her tighter to him and Leroy reached out to touch her hand.

"I know you will, honey. And we won't just send you away for nothing. We'll do everything we can to make this work," Hiram soothed her.

"Dad?" Rachel called out from the doorway.

"Rachel, we said we would call when we were ready for you," Hiram said, frustrated.

"I-I know," Rachel's voice shook. "She can't stop crying, she's really, really upset." Hiram caught sight of the quietly sobbing mess that was Brittany standing behind Rachel and sighed.

"Oh Brittany," he said gently as the blonde suddenly let out a loud choking sob then sucked in a shuddering breath. "Come on then," Hiram nodded his head toward Santana and Brittany practically ran over to the couch, squishing herself between Leroy and Cash and moulding herself to Santana's back, tucking her face against her neck. Santana lifted a hand to thread her fingers comfortingly into fine blonde hair. Cash managed to free his arm from between them to wrap it around her too. Almost as soon as she was wrapped around Santana, Brittany's crying quieted to the occasional sniffle.

"Are you going away with Cash Santana?" she asked after a few minutes, her voice was childlike, fearful and caught in her throat as she said her girlfriend's name.

"No baby. No I'm not," Santana seemed not to notice her slip and turned so that she was sitting half on Cash and half on Brittany, her face flashing briefly with amusement at the four people squashed on the couch. Brittany's face lit up at her words.

"You're staying?" she asked timidly.

"Yeah. For now," Santana said softly.

"Here?" Brittany asked, her smile getting bigger and bigger.

"Yes," Santana said, very hesitantly, looking at Leroy and then Hiram carefully, before glancing at Rachel who sat on the arm of Hiram's chair. Brittany followed her gaze and her smile faded as she felt the tension in the room.

"We'll work it out," she said with a soft smile, reaching up to smooth Santana's hair. She caught Santana's chin with her fingertips and turned her face so that she could kiss the tip of Santana's nose. Santana tensed hard at the gesture, eyes darting wildly around the room, and shifted away from Brittany who looked down at her hands in her lap, hurt.

"Ok," Leroy spoke up gently, breaking the tension in the room. "I'm going to go and make us all pancakes for breakfast because I think we could all use them. Rachel I could use a helper," he said pointedly. Rachel nodded and silently followed him out of the room with Hiram in tow, leaving Santana, Brittany and Cash alone in the living room. Hiram closed the door quietly behind him to give them their privacy.

-G-

"I'm so sorry it has to be this way Santana. I'm sorry I couldn't do better," Cash said softly, a few moments of silence after the Berry's had left the room.

"It's ok," Santana replied. She was trying desperately to be brave but her voice wobbled uncontrollably. She felt Brittany snuggle against her back again, despite her earlier hurt, and Santana pressed back into the blonde. "This all sucks Cash. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?" Santana's voice broke and she turned wide, tear filled eyes up to peer at her brother.

"I think it's better that you didn't," two sets of dark eyes turned to look at Brittany, who pressed her cheek against Santana's back, between her shoulder blades.

"It was only one more year. Then it would have been over. I would have been out of there. How is this better?" Santana sobbed angrily.

"Because now you have one more year where they can't hurt you," Brittany said softly, nuzzling further into Santana's back.

"You just don't get it Brittany. You have no idea," Santana's anger had drained as quickly as it had flared. It was only 11am and after everything that had happened that morning she was absolutely shattered.

"Maybe I don't," Brittany said softly, lifting her head from Santana's back. Santana had dropped her head against Cash's shoulder and so she missed the pointed look that her girlfriend and her brother exchanged over her head. The look that made it clear to each other that they both knew there was no way that Santana would have lasted another year in that house. Not the way things had been going.

"You have to promise me something Santana," Cash shrugged his shoulder, bumping Santana's head so that she lifted it up.

"What?" she asked tiredly.

"Promise me you'll make the best of this?" Cash pleaded. "I know it feels like your life has been ruined right now but it hasn't. You've been given a chance, Tana. A chance to get out from under and to make a new start. Promise me you'll take it? Promise me?" Santana stared at her brother for a few moments, turning that over in her head. Slowly she began to nod.

"Ok, I promise," she said softly.

"And you," Cash reached out to grasp Brittany's chin. "You promise me you'll take care of her. That you'll help her keep her promise and make a new start," he told her.

"I promise," Brittany beamed.

"I know you will," Cash smiled. He had no doubt in his mind that Brittany would go to the ends of the earth and back again for Santana and it made him feel a little better about what had to happen.

"When…" Santana trailed off. She cleared her throat and tried again. "When do you have to leave?"

"Tomorrow. Early," Cash replied looking away guiltily.

"Will you come and say goodbye?" Santana looked like someone had just punched her in the gut. Cash kind of felt like someone had done the same to him.

"Santana I'd have to be here at like 4am-," Cash started.

"I don't care! Please come and say goodbye to me! Please?" Santana pleaded, cupping Cash's cheeks to try to force him to look at her as tears spilled down her cheeks again.

"Ok, I'll come. I promise," Cash gave in, unable to break his sister's heart any more than it had already been broken.

-G-

In spite of the pretty much awful morning they ended up having a nice afternoon. They'd eaten their pancakes and then the Berry's had invited Santana, Cash and Brittany to play board games with them. They had started out with monopoly and ended up with scrabble where to Santana's delight Brittany had wiped the smug grin off Rachel's face by getting a triple word score on her first turn with the word 'phallic'.

"Of course _you _would manage to make _that_ word," Rachel sulked.

"It means penis," Brittany deadpanned, causing several poorly concealed snorts of laughter to erupt from around the table.

"Actually it means-," Rachel started haughtily only to be stopped by Santana's hand over her mouth.

"Let it go. Trust me, you don't want to start that conversation," Santana took her hand away and looked at Rachel pointedly. Rachel looked at Santana for a moment before looking back at Brittany who still had her signature blank face on but whose eyes were sparkling with mischief. Rachel decided to let it go.

Hiram won the game, closely followed by Cash then Rachel (much to her disgust), then Santana, then Leroy and Brittany came in last but with a pretty respectable score thanks to Leroy's hint to stick to smaller words she knew instead of trying to keep up and impress them with big ones.

Cash had gone back to the friend's he was staying at after that to get some sleep before he had to catch his plane back, but not before reaffirming his promise to Santana that he would be back at 3.45am to say goodbye before he left for the airport. They all felt the dread as he left. They all knew that it was going to be awful, but none of them could have anticipated how awful…

-G-

"Santana, I have to go. Let go," Cash was nearly sobbing as he tried to pry Santana's arms and legs off from around his body.

"NO!" she screamed, her better mood from earlier completely decimated.

"Tana, please let go," Brittany was sobbing as she tried to help. She had gotten permission to stay another night given the circumstances but it didn't seem to be helping Santana at all. She had seemingly reverted to a clingy child, refusing to let her brother go. "Santana-OW!" Santana had thrown an arm back to bat at Brittany, hitting her hard across the chest and sending her sprawling backwards onto the kitchen floor.

"Ok," Leroy stepped forward then. He had hoped that Brittany and Cash would be able to handle the situation between them but clearly Santana was way beyond that now. Leroy looked at Hiram who nodded and stepped forward to help. Between them they managed to prise Santana off of Cash and Leroy managed to get a hold of her even though she was screeching and writhing in his arms. Cash took a few choked breaths and managed to calm himself a little before he turned away from his sister.

"You don't let her push you around like that," Cash told Brittany as Rachel helped her up off the floor. "You stand up for yourself. Make sure she knows that's not ok. That she can't take her shit out on you ok?" he reached out to thumb a few tears off of her cheeks and she tried to nod her head where it was held in his hands. "Good girl." He kissed her forehead and then let her go and turned to Rachel. "You too, ok?" he told her. She nodded solemnly and Cash kissed her forehead too. He turned to Hiram and Leroy who were standing side by side, both supporting a now limp, exhausted, and sobbing Santana and watching him. "I can't thank you two enough-," he began but both men shook their heads.

"It's the right thing. She's a good kid Cash. It's the least we can do to give her a chance," Hiram said gently. Santana seemed to abruptly find her second wind then, sensing the fast approaching goodbye and began to writhe and fight in Leroy's arms again, kicking out and trying to free her arms.

"NO! NO! CASH! NO! Don't leave me! No! No! No! Don't go! Don't go! Don't leave me here!" the words came out in a mixture of screaming and sobbing. Santana had managed to free her arms and was desperately grabbing at Cash, her reaching falling short. Cash lost it then and started sobbing too. Leroy managed to wrestle Santana's arms back to her sides and she pulled her knees up as she struggled against his grip in an attempt to force the man to drop her. Leroy was grunting with the strain of holding onto her. "Cash! Please Don't leave me! Please? Please? Please? I love you? Please?"

"Just make it quick Cash. It's for the best. We'll take care of her," Hiram told the distraught younger man gently, his own voice cracking as Santana's desperate pleas and I love yous faded to incoherent sobs. Cash walked over to where Santana was still flopping around like a fish out of water in Leroy's arms.

"I'm so sorry Tana. But I have to go," Cash smoothed her hair off of her sweaty forehead as she abruptly went limp and still. "I have to. I don't want to leave you. I want to take you with me but you know I can't. I'm going to call you when I get home and I'll call you every day after that," Cash had to stop as he choked back sobs. "I love you, Tana. But I have to go. I'm sorry," he kissed her forehead and then stepped back and Santana started to sob again.

"I love you too," she managed. "Don't go," she sobbed miserably.

"I have to," Cash sobbed back. "This hurts me as much as it hurts you Santana. You gotta know that." Cash wiped his eyes on his sleeve and turned to where Brittany was standing, taking her tearstained face in his hands again. "You take care of her for me," he told her.

"I promise," she sobbed. Cash nodded and let her go turning back to Santana.

"Bye Tana. I'll call as soon as I'm home," he choked out before he turned and walked out, Hiram following him in support. Santana's sobbing became out of control as her brother walked out and Rachel unconsciously pressed herself against Brittany's side even as Brittany did the same to her, the two of them trying to find some sort of comfort in each other while they had to watch Santana in so much distress. Leroy had managed to turn Santana around in his arms and was sort of cradling her against his chest, trying to comfort her as well as restrain her now. They heard Cash's car pull out of the driveway and a few minutes later Hiram walked back in, his eyes suspiciously red. He nodded at Leroy who nodded back.

"I'm going to let you go now Santana," he said softly to the still sobbing girl in his arms. He carefully loosened his grip on her, tightening it again when her knees almost gave out underneath her. He tried again and she wobbled precariously for a few moments, her sobs quieting a little as she focused on finding her balance, her chest still hitching forcefully. Once she had her balance Santana stood still for a few minutes, her head leaning against Leroy's chest. Everyone watched her, waiting for her to react, for her to do something. Just when it looked like she wasn't going to do anything; Santana ran.

"Santana?" Brittany called timidly after her.

At first it seemed as though she was going to run upstairs to her room but then they heard the front door open.

"Oh shit," Hiram cursed. "Is she going to try and chase after him?" he moved to grab for his car keys but Rachel stopped him, realising something.

"I don't think so," she said. "I think I know where she'll go."

-G-

Oh the angst….it'll pick up soon…thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed…


	11. Steps

A/N: Next instalment. Still hitting the angst fairly hard but it should let up a bit after this one if I take it where I think I'm going to. Hopefully some of you are still sticking with me despite my horrendously irregular updating patterns! Thanks to all who have reviewed/favourite etc, I really appreciate it. I don't like to push for feedback too much but it really does help to know what people like/don't like so that I can make the story better for the people who are reading it.

-G-

Rachel grabbed her coat off the hook and slipped on a pair of ballet flats that were sitting in the foyer. As she turned around she found the other three copying her action right behind her.

"Where are we going?" Hiram asked.

"Not far," Rachel said a little distractedly. "But, can you guys stay back, please?"

"I want to go home!" Brittany suddenly burst out, tears welling in her eyes. "I know Santana's sad and maybe she needs me but I just can't tonight," she sobbed. "I need to talk to my Mom…and Lord Tubbington."

"Go hop in my car Brittany," Leroy said immediately. The others looked at him in confusion. "The silver one in the garage," he prompted at Brittany's blank look. The blonde wiped at her eyes and held her arms out to Rachel for a goodnight hug before shuffling tiredly out to the garage. "She's tired and she's not coping with the situation or Santana's behaviour at the moment. She's no good to anybody like this. She's better off at home with Kate…and that cat," Leroy said by way of explanation. "And besides, Santana may be going through hell right now but she needs to learn early on in this game that if she pushes Brittany around there'll be consequences; Brittany going away might be a good way for her to learn that," he pointed out.

"True," Hiram nodded.

"I won't be long," Leroy assured him.

"Hopefully we won't either," Hiram replied. Rachel huffed impatiently from where she stood by the front door. The two men smiled at each other before Leroy followed the path Brittany had just taken and Hiram turned to Rachel.

"Where are we going?" he asked again.

"Not far," Rachel repeated her earlier answer, albeit with an eye roll and a lot more exasperation in her tone this time. She opened the door and let her Dad out. After they locked the door and waited for Leroy's car to pass them by as he backed down the driveway, Rachel led Hiram down the street. When they reached the Wilson's driveway, Rachel stopped. "Wait here," she whispered. Hiram nodded, confused but willing to go with Rachel's idea. Rachel slowly crept further along the road, as quietly as she could until she got to the Wilson/Lopez boundary line. She listened carefully for a few seconds and then got down on her knees on the sidewalk when she heard soft breaths on the other side of the fence. She didn't say a word, she didn't need to. She just shuffled closer to the fence and poked her finger through the knothole. She heard the breathing on the other side of the fence hitch and then, after a few long moments, an icy cold thumb and an icy cold forefinger gently pinched the pad of her finger before a choked laugh sounded and the thumb and forefinger were replaced by a fist grasping her finger tightly.

"You remembered," Santana's choked, gravelly voice said softly.

"Of course I remembered," Rachel replied, voice equally as soft. "It's your secret place. It's always been your secret place."

"He's all the family I have left," Santana choked out suddenly.

"He's all of the blood family you have left. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you Santana, but if you let us, we can be your family too. Me and Dad and Daddy. It won't be the same, I know that. It won't even be close to the same. But we'll accept you and take care of you, we'll love you. You just have to let us," Rachel's voice was cracked and pleading. She could hear Santana's soft, defeated crying on the other side of the fence; feel her tight grip on her finger.

"I just want things to go back the way they were," Santana sobbed quietly.

"I know you do," Rachel said. "But they can't."

"I know," Santana sounded so utterly defeated.

"Come home Santana," Rachel begged.

"Can we stay five more minutes?" Santana asked, her voice hesitant. Rachel turned to look at Hiram and raised her hand with all five fingers raised and then tapped her watch. Hiram nodded with a small smile and glanced down the street to where headlights were coming around the corner.

"Yeah we can," Rachel answered.

"Are the others there?" Santana asked, suddenly a little defensive at hearing Rachel's hesitation.

"Just Dad," Rachel said carefully, hoping that Santana wouldn't ask about Brittany's whereabouts just yet. Santana stayed quiet though, clinging to Rachel's finger and sniffling occasionally in the cool morning air. When her five minutes were up she finally spoke.

"I'm ready now," her grip on Rachel's finger released and Rachel heard scrabbling on the other side of the fence. A few seconds later Santana clambered over and landed neatly on the sidewalk next to her. Rachel took her in, a look of concern immediately taking over her features. Santana was shaking, her skin covered in goosebumps, her lips tinged slightly blue from the cold. Her hands and feet were scratched and dirty from climbing the fence. Rachel made a disapproving noise and shrugged out of her coat, holding it out to the other girl. "No-," Santana started, but one of her arms was in the coat and it was around her shoulders before she could say anything else. Rachel held the coat up, waiting for her to slip her other arm in and she did, figuring it was useless to protest at this point. The sleeves were slightly too short but the coat was warm and Santana unconsciously burrowed into it as Rachel placed a hand on the small of her back and began to lead her home. Rachel felt Santana freeze when the car drove past them and pulled into the Berry's driveway.

"Santana," she said softly, hands reaching toward her automatically in a desperate bid to prevent her from fleeing again.

"Where did he go?"Santana asked. Her voice was tiny and she resisted the gentle pushing of Rachel's hand on the small of her back, turning tired accusing eyes on the smaller girl. Rachel sighed.

"He took Brittany home," she said honestly. "She was upset. She wanted her Mom…and Lord Tubbington."

"Oh," Santana's face had taken on an eerie imitation of Brittany's blank expression and she stared straight ahead. Hiram had reached them now and had heard most of the conversation.

"Honey you have to realise that even though you're upset you can't push her around like you did. You can't take it out on her or she will leave because she can't cope with it," Rachel glared but she could see that her Dad had decided that he was going with his 'tough love' approach. "Come on, let's go home and get some sleep and we can work things out tomorrow ok?" he placed his hand over Rachel's and between them they managed to lead a silent Santana back to the Berry house. When they got in the door Santana found herself pulled into a gentle hug. Leroy let her go with no words, just a smile. Santana stared at him, frowning in confusion.

"Why do you like me?" she asked him.

"Why wouldn't I?" he replied. He'd been interrupted before he'd had the chance to answer that the first time she had asked and had been glad that he had had time to think over how he would answer in case she asked again. Santana's confusion seemed to deepen at his answer, her forehead pinching and her face scrunching slightly as she peered at him, searching his face for clues. After a few prolonged seconds she shook her head a little and turned toward the stairs, pausing to shrug Rachel's coat off and hang it back on its hook. They expected her to head upstairs then but she didn't, she just stood there looking lost.

"Santana?" Rachel asked gently, reaching toward her. Santana shrank into herself a little but allowed the touch nonetheless. She swallowed hard and stared at the floor.

"Can-," she swallowed again, voice unsteady, even on that one word. "Can you text Brittany and tell her I'm really sorry?" Santana's voice broke and she pulled away, heading toward the stairs. She had just placed her foot on the bottom stair when Rachel spoke.

"Shouldn't you do that?" she asked, confused.

"I can't," Santana deflated even further, her shoulders beginning to shake. "My parents cut my phone off," she slowly made her way upstairs, sniffling quietly and wiping at her cheeks with her sleeve as she went. Once she was out of sight and they heard a door close upstairs all three Berry's sighed sadly.

"I'll sort something for her tomorrow," Hiram spoke to no one in particular.

"I wonder when they cut it off?" Leroy wondered aloud.

"No idea. This is the first I've heard of it," Rachel answered.

"She needs help," Hiram spoke up. "But I don't even know how to broach it with her."

"I don't think we should just yet. I think first we need to try to settle her with us. Gain her trust and get her into some kind of a normal routine. Chores, regular mealtimes, try and get her out of the house from time to time again. If we can get poor Britt back over here then maybe she can coax her out," Leroy suggested. "She's shell shocked right now. Her whole world has been turned on its head. She's a tough girl but she's been through hell and not just because of this. She's not in a position to be pushed right now. She needs to feel like she's safe and secure here before she can deal with what went on there. Let's get her a phone tomorrow, and let's try and find a way to get her clothes and belongings from Erika and Marco and get her settled. Let's take things one day at a time." Rachel nodded furiously as Leroy spoke. "But right now, let's go to bed and get some sleep. It's been a long night."

-G-

No one could have predicted the odd turn the next day would take. It started at 9am when the doorbell rang and Rachel opened it to reveal Sue Sylvester standing in her bright red tracksuit on the doorstep.

"Uh, hi," Rachel greeted nervously.

"I heard Santana's living here. I've been trying to get in touch with her about her being at tryouts for the last week but her phone has been disconnected," the intimidating woman spoke frankly, but her usual venom was absent. She held out a large duffel bag to Rachel, who took it hesitantly, almost dropping it when she took the full weight of it. "There's two new uniforms, new letterman jacket, a pair of shoes, new tracksuits, couple of t-shirts and pairs of spanx. And there's a new phone, it's not much and it's just on a basic plan, she won't get many calls or messages but it's something," Rachel nodded quietly. Sue did something strange then, she blatantly averted her eyes and shuffled her feet as she said "Paid for out of the Cheerios budget if she's wondering," it was obviously a lie and she obviously wanted Rachel to know that. The woman was insanely adept at lying. "Make sure she gets it," Sue turned and walked away without so much as a goodbye, leaving Rachel stunned in the foyer. She eventually gathered herself and picked up the heavy bag, closing the door and moving to lug the bag upstairs. Her Daddy found her struggling and moved to help her.

"What the hell is in this thing?" he grunted as he picked it up.

"All new Cheerios stuff for Santana," Rachel panted, out of breath from her struggling. "Oh and you can tell Dad not to worry about a phone. Sue Sylvester couldn't reach Santana so she got her a new one."

"Huh," Leroy commented. "That was nice."

"I think she was just pissed that she couldn't reach her so she fixed the problem," Rachel replied, knowing that although Sue had seemingly told her the truth, she didn't want her compassion to be widely known.

"That makes more sense," Leroy agreed with a nod. They had reached the top of the stairs now and Leroy set the bag down outside Santana's door, leaving Rachel to it. Rachel opened the door just a crack not wanting to wake Santana by knocking if she was asleep. She found her sitting on the floor, feet stretched out in front of her, staring at her hands. She clearly hadn't slept since they had come home.

"Oh Santana, have you not slept?" Rachel lugged the heavy bag into the room and to her joy Santana's face actually lit up at the sight of it.

"What's that?" she asked quietly, ignoring Rachel's question.

"Coach Sylvester brought it over for you. She said it's a bunch of Cheerios gear, and a phone. She wasn't thrilled when she couldn't reach you so I guess she got you a new one," Rachel said with a casual shrug. Santana's eyes welled up and she stood and helped Rachel pull the bag into her room. She opened the zipper and immediately started pulling things out. She immediately hung the two uniforms and the jacket in the empty closet and folded the tracksuit pants and t-shirts and put them in her drawers along with her spanx and then put her shoes neatly next to the dresser. She stood back for a second and looked around, looking happier than she had in days. She sat back down next to Rachel and the bag and pulled out a small Samsung box, running her hand over it almost reverently, glad that the Coach had gotten her the same brand as her old phone.

"Did you text Brittany?" Santana asked as she opened the box, pulling the small phone out and turning it on, thankful for whoever had the idea to start selling phones partially charged.

"Of course," Rachel replied as Santana quickly entered Brittany's number into the phone and brought up a blank message screen.

"Did she text back?" Santana asked.

"It just said 'Ok'," Rachel said awkwardly. Santana sighed and typed out a message.

_Hey Britt-Britt. It's Santana. Coach got me a new phone 'cause my old one stopped working. I'm really, really sorry. It's ok if you need some time to think about that. I just wanted you to know that I love you and that there's no excuse for what I did. Love, Santana._

When she looked up from sending the text Santana was greeted with Rachel's phone being held out to her.

"I have everyone from Glee's numbers in there. You can copy them across," she told her. Santana looked at the phone for a moment but didn't take it.

"Can you read them out to me?" she asked hesitantly.

"Sure," Rachel smiled. They spent the next few minutes with Rachel quietly reading peoples' names and numbers out to Santana so she could input them into her phone. "You should put Dad and Daddy's numbers in there too. In case you need anything," Rachel suggested. Santana hesitated, then nodded and Rachel read the numbers out to her.

"And yours?" Santana asked. Her phone beeped.

_Hi :) _

Rachel giggled and Santana's lips quirked up.

_Hi back…dork._

"I'm not a dork," Rachel tried her best to sound affronted, but it didn't work too well when she couldn't stop smiling.

"Yes you are," Santana suddenly shuffled closer and rested her head on Rachel's shoulder. Rachel managed to contain her shock and after the slightest hesitation, turned her head until her cheek rested against the top of Santana's head.

"Maybe just a little bit," she replied.

"Santana?" Leroy called out from downstairs. "Uh…I think you should come down here!" Santana shifted her head out from under Rachel's and looked at her questioningly. Rachel shrugged, as clueless as she was. She stood up, reaching down to tug Santana up by the hand and they made their way out into the hallway and down the stairs. They got about halfway down, Santana in front when she froze, almost causing Rachel to crash into her.

"What…?" Santana breathed.

There in the foyer next to Leroy (who was evidently on the phone to Hiram, filling him in) stood the entire Glee club, Mr Schue included, and Miss Pillsbury, surrounded by a few bags and boxes. Brittany stepped out from behind Puck and smiled hesitantly at Santana.

"I'm sorry I didn't text you back. We were busy packing. We went and got some of your things," she said gently. Rachel had stepped down next to Santana who stood frozen and wide eyed, taking in the sight before her.

"We couldn't get everything. You parents weren't really thrilled with the idea of us taking anything. But we got most of your clothes, some of your books and CDs and stuff. Brittany says we got pretty much everything you love most," Mr Schue said, his voice gentle too. Rachel could feel Santana trembling next to her and without thinking she reached for her hand. Santana immediately latched onto her hand tightly, almost painfully, and Rachel squeezed back, trying to reassure her. She managed to tug her the rest of the way down the stairs until they were standing on the last step. She could see Santana scanning their friends' faces and swallowing convulsively. Mercedes slowly moved forward.

"It's ok honey. We know this is probably really overwhelming for you. And it's probably scary and humiliating for you to have us see you like this," Santana ducked her head and Mercedes reached out to take her other hand. "But it's ok. We love you. You don't have to feel that way with us. We're you're friends. We're here for you. Whether you want us or not. Ok?" she squeezed the small hand in hers and Santana squeezed back.

"Ok," Santana managed, her voice choked.

"Come here," Mercedes let go of Santana's hand and carefully wrapped her arms around her. She was surprised when Santana came willingly, but she figured that Santana was pretty overwhelmed and just held onto her gently. They'd never been close by any stretch but since they had done their duets together they had developed a mutual respect which had then blossomed into something of a casual friendship.

Santana felt pressure on her from all sides all of a sudden and the temperature around her skyrocketed and she realised she had been folded into a group hug. It only lasted a second and then voices sounded around her and she head Rachel's voice directing people upstairs, presumably to take her things to her room. She was still in Mercedes' arms and someone was pressed against her back. She turned her head and caught a whiff of familiar shampoo and realised it was Brittany.

"Do you have my number Santana?" Mercedes asked, finally pulling back and breaking the hug. Santana nodded, smiling slightly. "Call me anytime ok? Or you're welcome to come over. You remember where I live?" Santana nodded again. She had insisted on practising for their duets at Mercedes house so the other girl wouldn't see the way her parents treated her. "Just watch your language in front of my Mom this time," Mercedes joked and Santana smirked. She tensed when Brittany's chin landed on her shoulder and her cheek pressed against hers.

"Did I do ok Santana?" Brittany asked softly, ignoring Santana's reaction.

"You did this?" Santana asked, clicking all of a sudden.

"I tried to talk to your Mom myself first. But that didn't go so good," Santana felt her blood run cold at that. "Then I called Mr Schue 'cause he was, like, magical with words when we broke all of the pillows and Puck and Lauren broke that stuff in the hotel in New York. Then I called Quinn to help and then the whole Glee Club came. I don't know how that happened but they were all worried about you." Santana was only half paying attention to Brittany's words, too busy picturing what could have gone down when Brittany had approached her mom. She slowly turned to face her girlfriend, Brittany's face falling at the expression on hers. "What? Did I do something wrong?" she asked, her voice timid.

"You talked to my Mom?" Santana asked, her voice high and scared.

"Yeah," Brittany shuddered. The other Glee clubbers were coming back down the stairs but Santana was beyond caring, her concern for Brittany overriding her concern about her image for the first time ever.

"Are you ok? Did she do anything to you? Did she hurt you?" Santana's hands brushed softly over Brittany's cheeks, her neck and over her shoulders, her eyes following, checking for damage.

"No. She called me a lot of names…and some things I didn't really understand and then she told me to get the fuck off her property but she didn't hurt me," Brittany shrugged, capturing Santana's hands in her own and kissing her palms. Their display was interrupted by an effeminate throat clearing. Santana jumped and whipped around suddenly aware of everyone watching them. Kurt had his hands on his hips, one eyebrow raised and he was smirking at her.

"You are in for a world of retaliatory lesbian jokes. You know that right," he commented dryly. Santana swallowed hard at the confirmation that they all knew everything and just barely managed a scared watery smile and a tiny nod. Kurt's smirk dissolved into a friendly smile and he reached out to tentatively brush a hand against her shoulder.

"Schue wouldn't let me punch your Dad's face in," Puck blurted in the quiet that followed. He shuffled uncomfortably after he said it and Santana eyed him warily, confused by his outburst. "Look, I know we were just fuck buddies and we had like, zero respect for each other but…I do like you Santana, and no one deserves to be treated like that," he said in a rush, the words all tumbling out on top of each other.

"We're going to get going now," Tina said pointedly, seeing that Santana was beginning to look really scared and upset. "We just put everything in your room Santana. We figured you could set it up how you want it," she smiled and Santana managed another small, watery smile back.

"Thank you," she said softly. After a brief round of goodbyes all but Quinn, Brittany, Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury had left and Santana was drained, wobbling a little on her feet in the foyer.

"Santana I'd really like it if when school goes back if you'd come and see me for a chat," Miss Pillsbury told her in her high, childlike voice. "It doesn't have to be anything formal, and there's no pressure but I think it's important to talk through some of what's happened ok?" Santana shook her head half heartedly, too tired to put up much of a fight. "Well, we'll talk about it when the time comes," Miss Pillsbury replied, her voice firmer than before and Santana realised she wasn't going to get off quite so easily. She and Mr Schue said their goodbyes and Rachel's Dads disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving the four girls alone in the foyer. They stood silently for a few moments before Santana spoke.

"They all know?" she asked timidly.

"Baby the whole town knows," Brittany said softly.

"It's Lima, honey. Gossip travels," Quinn added, equally gently. Santana wobbled precariously and three sets of hands reached out to steady her.

"I feel sick," Santana whimpered. Her hands came up and she pressed her palms tightly over her eyes. "I feel sick," she repeated. Brittany's arms wrapped around her and Santana's first instinct was to shove her away. She fought it and carefully unwrapped them from around her body instead, gently pressing them to the blonde's sides. "I don't want a hug," she said, careful to keep her voice even. "I want to be alone please," Santana all but ran up the stairs on unsteady legs and they heard the familiar sound of her door closing a few moments later.

"She's trying very hard," Brittany said softly, her voice a heartbreaking mixture of sadness and pride.

"Yeah she is," Rachel agreed.

-G-

In her room Santana paced anxiously for a few moments, tangling her hands in her long hair, pulling to the point where it became painful. She hated the idea that all of Lima now knew her deepest darkest secrets. She wondered exactly what they knew. She guessed they knew she was gay and that she had been thrown out. She wondered if they knew that her parents had beaten her up too? She wondered if, if they knew that, how many of them suspected that it wasn't the first time? She wondered about the Glee Club and how many of them suspected something else going on. She knew for sure some of them had seen bruises when she had changed in front of them before. She had always used Cheerios as an excuse but now they would connect the dots, put two and two together and at least suspect that she was lying all along. And they'd pity her. They'd all look at her like she was just poor Santana whose parents never loved her. Whose parents beat her up and shot her down at every turn.

"Fuck!" Santana picked up a pillow and hurled it at the door as hard as she could as fury pulsed through her at the idea. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she mumbled over and over as her voice cracked and she dissolved into tears. She gave herself a minute to cry it out before pulling herself together, wiping at her eyes and nose and then reaching for one of the boxes that had been stacked neatly against her bedroom wall. She carried it over to the bed and opened it cautiously. It was full of her shoes, all of her favourite shoes. Santana pulled them out reverently, pair by pair, setting them neatly on the floor in rows as she did. When the box was empty Santana set it aside and grabbed another one, which contained the rest of her shoes and several of her jackets from her closet. Santana snatched up her favourite black, fringed leather jacket as soon as she saw it, lifting it to her nose and smelling the familiar smell of leather and her favourite perfume that clung to it.

The next box contained a bunch of her little bits and pieces from around her room, ornaments, picture frames, scented candles, some trinket-y things that Brittany had given her and her jewellery box. A few things that she loved were noticeably missing, namely a small unicorn statue that Brittany had given her after nationals and a blown glass heart that she had given her for Christmas the year before. Santana tried not to think about what might have happened to them as she arranged the other objects around the room. She paused when she heard voices passing her door.

"Maybe she'll feel a little happier now that her room feels more like it's her own."

"God, I hope so."

Santana couldn't help the tiny, slightly confused smile that crossed her lips at hearing Leroy and Hiram's words. They really seemed to want her happy. She still firmly believed that they'd eventually figure out that she wasn't worth their time and effort but she made a silent vow that until then she would try harder to do better for them. She finished arranging her little bits and pieces around the room, finishing up by setting a photo of her and Brittany at Nationals on her bedside table. She stared at it for a moment and then she suddenly remembered something. She grabbed her jewellery box and tipped all of the jewellery out onto the bed before pulling the thin faux velvet covered cardboard panel piece out of the very bottom. The tattered photo was right where she had tucked it away years ago and she pulled it out, smiling at it as she ran her thumbs over it to wipe off a few flecks of dirt from the jewellery box. She replaced the panel in the jewellery box and dumped all of her jewellery unceremoniously back into it. She stared at the photo a little longer before carefully placing the photo on top of her jewellery and closing the box, putting it on top of her dresser.

She unpacked the rest of her boxes and the bags, finding mostly clothes, some of her books, her DVD's and CD's and some of her bedding. Santana was shocked that they had managed to get hold of her expensive digital camera and it's bagful of accessories, although she had saved her birthday and Christmas money from all of her relatives, plus money she had earned from doing odd jobs for them and had paid for most of it herself. She had never been more grateful for the extreme paranoia she had about leaving her photos on her computer that had led to her backing them all up on a series of SD cards; Brittany had gotten those from their hiding place too. They hadn't managed to get her laptop or any of her various other devices. Santana found she didn't much care about that. She was just incredibly grateful for what they had gotten. In all they had probably gotten a little under half of her belongings. It was far more than what she had ever expected that she would be able to get back. She had been planning for a while to sneak in and out of the house and take a few of her most beloved things while her family was out. She had had no idea how she would do it and she was grateful now that she wouldn't have to. She picked up her comforter from her old room and looked at it a while. She wasn't sure if she wanted it anymore or not. It smelled like home. A home she missed desperately but was no longer welcome in.

-G-

About an hour after she heard Santana stop moving around in her room Rachel decided to go in and check on her. Quinn had decided to leave her be for the day and had coaxed Brittany into sleeping over at her house by bribing her with popcorn, cherry coke and Disney movies. Rachel decided against knocking again since the door was already open a crack and she didn't want to wake Santana if she was asleep anyway.

"Santana?" she called out quietly as she pushed the door open slowly. There was no answer and Rachel pushed the door open enough for her head to poke through. "Oh my God," she giggled. "Daddy! Dad!" she called out quietly down the hall, moving away from Santana's door to knock on theirs. Her dad opened the door, looking half asleep, obviously trying to catch up on some of the sleep they'd lost the night before. "You guys have to come see this," Rachel giggled. The two men followed her down the hall to Santana's room, where Rachel opened the door to reveal what had amused her so much.

"Oh now that is cute," Leroy whispered, covering his mouth to hold back a laugh. Santana's bed was piled high with clothes, pillows, empty bags and various other belongings. Sound asleep in the middle of the carnage, curled in a neat little ball and wrapped snugly in her old comforter was Santana. To top off the image, the head off a small stuffed unicorn poked out of the blankets next to Santana's cheek. Rachel would have bet her voice that Brittany had given it to her. A click sounded just behind Rachel and she turned to find Hiram with his camera.

"Dad!" she scolded.

"This is way too good to pass up," he shrugged, raising the camera and snapping another couple of photos.

"She'll kill you if she finds out," Rachel warned.

"Like you said you would when you found out I took the photos of you asleep and drooling on your sheet music for sectionals?" Hiram asked sweetly as he checked the photos to make sure he'd gotten at least one good one. He took a couple closer up for good measure before he gestured to Leroy and they wandered off, leaving Rachel to glare murderously after them. Once they were gone she started to clear some of the stuff off of the bed from around Santana. As she moved a pile of clothes from under Santana's feet Santana let out a contented sigh and stretched out her legs. Her socked feet brushed against Rachel's leg and she tugged at the comforter to cover them again. Rachel finished clearing stuff off the bed and Santana's eyes fluttered a little bit and her unicorn disappeared under the blankets with a firm tug. Rachel drew her hands back, waiting to see if she would wake. She didn't though, settling back into her blanket after a couple of seconds of wiggling, her face more peaceful than Rachel had seen it since the day she had turned up on their doorstep. Rachel watched her for a few seconds before moving away from the bed to pull the curtains closed, darkening the room before she crept out quietly and closed the door behind her once again.

-G-

"Leroy?" He turned around from the stove at the timid voice behind him and found Santana in the doorway, her arms full of bedding.

"What's up honey?" he asked.

"I don't want these anymore," Santana nodded at the bedding in her arms. "Where can I put them?"

"Why don't you put them in the laundry?" he asked, moving to help her. "They seem to be in pretty good condition, so we could wash them and take them to goodwill if you don't want them?" he suggested.

"Ok," Santana nodded.

"Would you like to get some new ones?" he asked as he led her through to the laundry area that sat in the garage. "You could pick them out yourself?" he offered, putting the stuff he was holding into the basket and turning to take the small pile Santana still held. She looked torn, like she liked the idea of new bedding but something was holding her back. Leroy walked back past her, gesturing for her to follow, not missing the way she flattened herself against the wall as he passed, and walked back into the kitchen. He gestured for her to sit down as he checked on the two lasagnes in the oven and the vegetables on top of the stove before opening the fridge and pouring two glasses of apple juice. He handed one to Santana and took one for himself, downing it in a few gulps as Santana took a hesitant sip. "Are you uncomfortable about us spending money on you?" he asked gently when Santana had finally taken a few small mouthfuls of her juice.

"Yes," she answered quietly.

"I know it's hard," Leroy told her. "Sometimes it feels like taking charity and sometimes it feels like being a burden on someone else. I got thrown out of my house too, Santana. When I was 16. I lived with my Aunt and Uncle and I think I know how you feel," Santana looked up, wide eyed at Leroy's revelation. "I felt horribly guilty about them spending money on me," Santana looked down at her hands again. "Santana we won't buy you a lot of things if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but having you here makes me realise why my Aunt and Uncle always wanted to buy me things. It feels nice for us to do something for you that might make you feel a little happier here," Leroy told her honestly. Santana lifted her eyes to Leroy's and as it so often was, her gaze was searching.

"Maybe I could just get a new comforter for now?" she suggested, her voice timid and uncertain. Leroy nodded encouragingly. "A purple one?" she added, sounding for a second like a little girl.

"Sure," Leroy beamed. "You could go with Rachel to pick one? Ever since we sent her to get you a few clothes we've practically had to restrain her from buying you everything under the sun. I'm sure she'd love to help you pick one out," he suggested. Santana wrung her hands nervously for a few seconds and then nodded.

"Can I help with dinner?" she asked, remembering her earlier promise to be better and more helpful.

"You could set the table if you'd like?" Leroy suggested, pointing to the plates and cutlery he had piled on the counter earlier before Santana had come in. She quietly set to work, setting out four places and when she was done Leroy smiled. "Thank you. I've got everything under control here. I'll call you when it's ready?" he offered.

"Ok," she nodded. She wrung her hands again for a moment, looking like she wanted to say something, but then she sighed, dropped her hands to her sides and walked out of the room.

-G-

Santana decided that she wanted to take a shower before dinner. She hadn't had one since Quinn came over the first time and she felt gross after all of the unpacking she had done in her room. She searched through her drawers, pulling out her favourite comfy jeans and a plain t-shirt and headed to the bathroom. After washing her hair and drying off she combed out the tangles and watched as it started to curl uncontrollably as it started to air dry. She frowned, tugging on the ends of it before giving up with a huff and getting dressed. She threw her dirty clothes into her room and clutched her towel tightly in her hands as she made her way over to stand outside Rachel's room. She knocked gently and heard a scuffle inside and then the door opened revealing Rachel on the phone.

"Hold on," she said to the person on the phone. "Hey," she greeted Santana softly.

"Hey," Santana replied, glancing down to her white-knuckled, death grip on the towel. "I just wanted to borrow your blow dryer and stuff," Santana shook her head slightly; making her damp curls bounce around her shoulders a little. "Oh sure," Rachel smiled and stood back to let her in.

"Finn I have to go now," Rachel said into the phone as she closed the door behind Santana. "Yeah, ok. I'll talk to you later. Yeah, me too. Bye," Rachel hung up and tossed the phone on her bed. She grabbed her desk chair and gestured for Santana to sit down. Once she had, Rachel took the towel from her, frowning when she had to prise Santana's fingers off of it. "May I?" she asked, reaching toward Santana's long hair with the towel. Santana nodded and Rachel set to work, towelling more water out of her hair before blow drying it. Santana closed her eyes and listened to Rachel's soft humming as she worked the straighteners through her hair. She opened them again when she felt Rachel twist her hair around the straighteners and caught her eyes in the mirror. "Do you want it straight? It's pretty with a little curl in the ends," she told her.

"S'fine," Santana gave her a tiny smile and Rachel continued with her curling.

"I came to find you before. You were sleeping and I moved some stuff off your bed so you would get all cramped up," Rachel told her. "I hope that was ok."

"Oh, that was you," Santana had wondered who had cleared her bed off while she was napping.

"Yeah. Sorry," Rachel apologised.

"No. S'fine," Santana told her. "I just thought maybe Britt had come back." Her face saddened and Rachel dropped a hand to her shoulder.

"She wanted to stay," she said softly. "Quinn bribed her away with Cherry Coke and Disney movies. She thought you might like some time alone to sort through your things…and your thoughts," Rachel explained, cautious when she added the last part.

"She wanted to stay?" Santana asked, her voice had the tiniest spark of hope and Rachel ached for her. "She doesn't hate me?"

"God Santana, no. You know Brittany could never hate anyone, especially not you. Never you. She just…doesn't know how to handle you right now. At least I think that's what's going on. I don't really know her like I used to," Rachel tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice in her last two sentences, she really did, but she failed miserably. She finished the last curl in Santana's hair and placed the straighteners on the heat proof mat she had unwrapped them from. Santana's hand caught hers as she went to pull it away.

"Don't hate her for that," she said softly, almost inaudibly. "That was all my fault. It was all me. I made her do it. She didn't want to but I made her. Don't blame her," Santana's voice was still soft and hard to hear but it had also become pleading. "Blame me for all of that. Hate me. I deserve it." Her hand had slipped away from Rachel's and she was wringing her hands in her lap again.

"Come here," Rachel gripped her wrist tightly and pulled her over to sit her on the bed. Santana's breathing sped up and she tried to tug her arm back, panic beginning to rise within her. She whimpered and began to cower a little and Rachel let go abruptly, realising what she had done. "I'm sorry. Look, Santana you don't deserve hate," she began, keeping her hands away from Santana as the other girl settled herself down. "From me or anybody. But I don't forgive you for the things you did. I need you to know that. I need you to know that you hurt me_ so_ badly. And I did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING!" with basically no warning Rachel had lost the tenuous grip she held over her emotions, her eyes were brimming with tears and her voice was raising in pitch and volume. "I did NOTHING to you and look at what you did to me. But all of the bullying and the name calling and the slushies. None of that compares. The worst thing of all was you took Brittany away from me," Rachel's voice broke. "You took my best friend away from me. She was _mine_ first and you turned her against me. All of the rest of it I could have dealt with if I'd had someone on my side. But I had no one. Because _you_ took my only friend," Rachel was half yelling, half sobbing by now and Santana had dissolved into tears on Rachel's bed.

"Girls what is going on in here," Hiram opened the door, looking worried.

"Go away Dad. These are things that need to be said!" Rachel yelled at him. Hiram looked between them, seeing Rachel's aggressive stance and Santana's cowering, crying form on the bed.

"Then sit down and say them as calmly as you can, Rachel. You need to stop yelling because you are scaring Santana right now and if you do that? She's not going to remember any of this; she's just going to remember you yelling and her being afraid of you. Sit down," Hiram moved into the room and grabbed the desk chair that Santana had been sitting in before. He placed it behind Rachel and gently pressed down on her shoulders, persuading her to sit. "Take a deep breath and say what you need to say without yelling," he told her calmly. "Santana?" he said gently. She hiccupped and nodded, wiping at one eye with the back of her hand. "Are you ok?" she nodded again and Hiram nodded back. "Ok. I'm going to leave. If I hear yelling, from anybody, I'm coming back and I'm putting a stop to this," he warned. He eyed both girls before walking back out of the room and closing the door. Rachel took a deep shuddering breath and tried to keep her voice calm.

"What did I _ever_ to do you?" she asked, her voice wobbling. Now that her anger had ebbed it was replaced with deep hurt and sadness. "She was all I had. You could have been friends with anyone. No one wanted their kids to be friends with me in case they caught gay," the bitterness had returned to Rachel's voice now and Santana's eyes widened. "You didn't know that," Rachel stated flatly when she caught the look and Santana shook her head, horrified at the realisation of what that could mean for herself as well as what it had meant for Rachel. "Do you know one of my earliest memories is of being at the playground with Daddy and hearing a woman say to her son 'you don't go near that little girl in the sandbox. Her parents are gay.' Like it was something he might catch. Like a fucking virus or something," Rachel spat angrily and Santana recoiled at the f-word coming out of Rachel's mouth. Rachel sat quietly for a few seconds, audibly working to control her breathing.

"Do you know what's sad Santana?" the anger had gone again when she finally spoke, replaced by a sort of musing sadness. Santana shook her head looking for like she was afraid of the answer. "If you hadn't pushed me away, I'd have been your biggest ally. I don't know what it's like to actually _be _gay. But I know what it's like to be discriminated against because of sexuality. I would have had your backs all along. And I'd have fought tooth and nail to make sure that you two were accepted and were treated equally, whenever you chose to come out." Her words broke Santana and she slid off the bed, curling against it and gripping the comforter in her fists as she sobbed. Rachel hesitated for the briefest second as some deeply buried bitter part of her reared up with the thought that Santana deserved to break down and to _hurt_ for what she had done to Rachel, but ultimately her better side won out and she dropped off the chair and onto her knees next to the crying girl. "I don't forgive you Santana. Not yet," she said softly and Santana flinched like Rachel had hit her. "But I want to. But that's going to take time," she reached out and touched Santana's shoulder and then Santana was off her floor like a shot, her breaths shortening and becoming ragged, her face paling before Rachel's eyes. Rachel froze for a second, waiting to see what she would do.

She took off out of the door and by the time Rachel had leapt off the floor to follow her, she had shut herself in the bathroom. Rachel pressed her ear to the door and could hear her forcing out choked sobs and rapid, shallow breaths, probably while sitting in the empty bathtub.

"Santana? Should I get Britt?" She called out hesitantly. When she got no answer she tried the door, finding it locked. Rachel turned to lean her back against the door and slid down to sit against it on the floor. Leroy came up from downstairs then and cocked his head sympathetically when he saw Rachel's position and her tearstained face and red eyes. "Daddy, can you call Brittany please?" she asked. "I think I screwed up."

"Of course," Leroy looked at Rachel and then the closed bathroom door for long moments before turning and heading back downstairs.

One step forward and two steps back. He hoped that things would get better for Santana soon.

-G-

Crap that was long…thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.


	12. Rough

A/N: Yikes. Yep I'm still alive and I haven't given up on this story. It's just taken a really long time for me to get back into writing mode after mid year exams etc. Hopefully I wont be so long with the next chapter... oh i have a tumblr now Ebony-JayneFic . tumblr . com feel free to come kick my butt over there for not updating regularly...or if anyone has ideas they want someone else to write I'm always up for prompts...thanks to those still reading!

-G-

Santana couldn't breathe. Santana was terrified. Santana felt like she was going crazy. Or that she was going to die. Right here in this empty bathtub in the Berry's bathroom. She could hear Rachel crying outside the door but the idea of facing her sent her anxiety levels soaring even higher. She was a _horrible _person. She didn't deserve to be here, in the Berry's house, sharing space with a girl who she had taken _so _much from. She had honestly had no idea that the reason Brittany was Rachel's only friend when they were little was because of her Dads' sexuality, she had just thought that no one else liked her because she was weird at school. When Rachel hadn't made any more real friends after her and Brittany deserted her she had thought it was just because people were afraid to get slushied for hanging out with her. Her stomach churned and Santana lunged over the side of the bathtub, barely making it to the toilet in time to throw up the contents of her stomach. She managed to suck in a few breaths before the next wave hit but she only dry retched this time, which wasn't all that surprising considering that she had only had a glass of apple juice all day.

"Santana?" Rachel's concerned, crackly-from-crying voice called out from the other side of the door. "Are you ok? Did you get sick?" Santana dry retched again in reply and heard scrabbling on the other side of the door."Santana? Santana?" Santana couldn't answer between retches and her hyperventilated breathing. She gasped, terror taking over as she struggled to get enough air and her vision blurred, black spots gathering in front of her eyes as her head swam.

"What happened?" Santana tried to pull herself back to the present when she heard Brittany's voice outside the bathroom door.

"I lost it with her and she started panicking. Now she's retching and I don't think she can breathe," she heard Rachel sob desperately. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's ok honey," she heard Brittany soothe. "Go with your Daddy. I'll take care of her," Brittany assured her.

"Call if you need, Britt," Santana heard Leroy tell the blonde.

"Of course," she heard footsteps retreating and then Brittany was calling through the door to her. "Tana? Baby are you ok? Can you get to the door?" Santana's traitorous body, which she thought she had started to get back under control, betrayed her and she violently dry retched again. She tried to speak to tell Brittany that she couldn't get to the door but she found that she just couldn't get the words out; she was in too much distress. "Santana?" Brittany's voice had gone from light and soothing to concerned and soothing. "Santana try and get to the door," she instructed, voice calm and firm in spite of the concern lacing it. "Baby I need you to unlock the door," Santana gasped desperately, her vision swimming with black dots again. She managed to drag herself the few feet to the door and stretch her arm up enough to flip the lock. It took a few tries but her numb fingers finally managed to get the door unlocked. Santana slumped back against the door as the black took over the edges of her vision until she could barely see at all.

-G-

Brittany heard the gasping breathing come closer and then Santana's fingers desperately scrabbling at the lock and willed herself to stay calm. When she heard the thump against the other side of the door that idea went completely out of the window.

"Santana?" she cried out desperately. She tried the door again and it shifted slightly, but she could tell that Santana was against it. She pushed through, trying not to hurt Santana in her desperation to get to her. She managed to open the door enough to slip into the bathroom and gasped as panic rose up inside her at the sight before her. Santana was slumped on the floor, her breathing still erratic, her eyes were open, but she seemed to stare straight through Brittany. "Santana?" Brittany cried hysterically, hauling her limp body into her arms. "Leroy!" she screamed, not knowing what else to do. This had never happened before and she was terrified. Brittany had managed to get Santana into the hallway by the time Leroy came running up the stairs, Rachel right on his heels. "What's wrong with her?" Brittany cried, panicked.

"Calm down," Leroy instructed gently. "Santana?" he took her face in his hands and tried to pull her eyes to his. Santana squinted at him as she gasped for air and Leroy audibly sighed in relief. "Ok. Brittany," he reached out to touch Brittany's cheek to pull her attention to him. "I want you to wrap Santana up in your arms, or whatever it is you usually do when she has panic attacks," he told her, waiting until she had pulled the smaller girl to sit in the vee of her legs and wrapped her arms tightly around her. Santana's head lolled and Leroy pushed it gently to rest against Brittany's neck, keeping his hand braced against her cheek and neck to keep it from lolling back. "Santana, you're safe. You're perfectly safe here," Leroy said gently, taking one of her hands in the hand that wasn't resting on her cheek. "Brittany's here, you're safe. Just try and breathe slowly. Big breath in, then big breath out. Can you try to do that for me?" Santana's eyes locked on Leroy's for a moment before slipping away again, but she sucked in a big shaky breath and tried to let it out slowly and he knew she was hearing him. "Talk to her Britt," Leroy told Brittany gently. Rachel shifted quietly to sit next to Brittany, dropping a hand onto the taller girl's back and rubbing gentle circles, trying to instil some calm into her.

"I'm here Tana," Brittany's voice was uneven and afraid but she pushed on. "I'm right here. You're ok. I'm right here. You have to breathe, breathe like Leroy said. Deep breath in, and slowly out. Remember?" she instructed softly. She dropped a series of kisses onto the top of Santana's head before nuzzling her cheek against it. "I love you. I love you so much," she whispered.

It took nearly 20 minutes for Santana's breathing and heart rate to return to normal. Around the ten minute mark she finally seemed to come back to the surface from wherever she had buried herself and she had covered Brittany's arms with one of her own and tightened her grip on the hand that Leroy was holding, her eyes darting around fearfully all the while.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Leroy asked gently once she seemed calm.

"Not so good," she sniffled, tears beginning to leak down her very pale cheeks.

"Not so good?" Leroy reached over to wipe at her tears, pleased when she didn't flinch away from him like she usually did. "Do you want to go to bed?" he asked her. She nodded in reply. "Do you think you could have something to eat first? You haven't eaten all day." Santana seemed to consider a moment before she nodded weakly. "Good girl," Leroy beamed. He held out his other hand to her to help her up and she accepted it, letting him pull her to stand.

"Go with Leroy, Santana. I'll be there in a minute ok?" Brittany said softly from behind her. Santana turned to argue but then she saw Brittany's reason for telling her to go. Rachel was shaking with silent sobs beside her. As much as she needed Brittany right now, Rachel needed someone too. And so Santana found herself nodding slowly and allowing Leroy to help her down the stairs. In spite of herself she was beginning to trust the gentle, sweet, bighearted man. He led her downstairs and sat her at the table while he bustled around; dishing her up a small piece of vegan lasagne and a few veges and pouring her another glass of apple juice. Santana picked disinterestedly at her food with her fork as she waited for Brittany to come down and join her.

-G-

Upstairs Brittany waited until Santana was safely downstairs with Leroy before turning to Rachel, standing and pulling the smaller girl with her.

"Up we get," she coaxed softly, her own voice hoarse from her earlier panic and crying. Once they were both steady on their feet, Brittany pulled Rachel against her, hugging her tightly.

"I'm so sorry. It was my fault. I'm so sorry," Rachel sobbed brokenly into Brittany's shoulder.

"What was your fault?" Brittany asked, confused.

"I attacked her. I accused her of stealing you away from me. I yelled at her and-," Brittany cut Rachel off.

"You told her how you feel," Rachel was surprised at Brittany's response and the fact that she hadn't pushed her away and gone to comfort her girlfriend like Rachel had thought she would, she didn't miss the tightness in Brittany's voice though. "You've got every right to do that, Rachel. You're hurting too. She knows that. Just…," Brittany paused, swallowing hard. "Next time maybe not after she's had such a big day?" she suggested timidly. Rachel couldn't help the short, harsh laugh that tore from her throat.

"Yeah," she pulled back from Brittany's tight embrace and wiped at her eyes. "I never meant to do it this time. It just exploded out of me," she said, glancing up at Brittany apologetically.

"It's ok, Rachel," Brittany sighed softly. "We know this is hard. After everything."

"I really don't think that you do," Rachel said quietly, almost coldly, causing Brittany to flinch back. "But I appreciate you trying," her voice returned to normal and she gave Brittany a small smile. "Let's go eat." Brittany wordlessly followed Rachel downstairs to the kitchen where they found Santana and Leroy sitting at the table, Leroy eating while Santana picked, eating a single pea or a tiny crumb of her lasagne at a time.

"Help yourselves girls," Leroy gestured at the food on the table. "Hiram's is put away for when he gets home later so don't worry about saving any for him."

"Thank you Leroy," Brittany smiled tiredly and sat down next to Santana, leaning over to press a kiss to her temple before putting a small amount of food onto her own plate. She wasn't really hungry but she figured she had better eat something so that her body wasn't running on empty. She knew that after the emotional day she'd had coupled with a panic attack of that magnitude, that Santana was probably in for a long night of horrible bad dreams and insomnia and Brittany would need the energy to help her through it.

"Thanks Daddy," Rachel said after Brittany, helping herself to food too. She scooped some lasagne onto her fork and then paused with it halfway to her mouth. "I'm really sorry Santana," she said softly, putting the food in her mouth and fixing her gaze on the table as she slowly chewed.

"Not your fault," Santana replied, her voice flat as she nudged a pea around her plate with her fork. Brittany rested her left hand on Santana's back and nudged some food onto Santana's fork with her own, hooking her fork under the other girl's and using it to awkwardly lift it up toward Santana's mouth once it was full. The awkward action elicited a soft giggle from Santana and Brittany beamed in satisfaction, happier still when Santana put the food in her mouth and chewed slowly.

-G-

In the end Santana had eaten little more than a few bites of her food before silently pushing the rest onto Brittany's plate. Brittany had found herself suddenly ravenously hungry after a few bites of her own food and after shooting Santana a disapproving look she had eaten her food too. She had offered to help with the dishes but Leroy and Rachel had both protested and instructed her to take an exhausted looking Santana to bed.

They got upstairs and Brittany flopped onto the bed holding out her arms, expecting Santana to either crawl into them and cuddle or brush her off and lie beside her. But instead Santana started pulling clothes out of her drawers.

"Santana what are you doing?" Brittany whined.

"Changing. I'm going to the bathroom to clean up. I'm sticky and sweaty," Santana answered tiredly.

"But you already showered," Brittany protested. "I can tell because your hair smells all pretty and your skin feels nice."

"I'm not having another shower. I'm just going to clean up a bit," Santana said impatiently. "I don't want to go to bed sweaty." Brittany sat up, frowning at Santana's impatient tone.

"Ok. If that's what you want," she said gently.

"Of course it's what I want! If It wasn't I wouldn't be doing it!" Santana snapped angrily as she stomped toward the door. Brittany's head dropped, her eyes falling to her hands in her lap as her cheeks flushed hot and red. She felt like a scolded child. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Santana's head snap up as her spine went rigid. "Britt," she heard her breathe into the stony silence in the room. Brittany turned her head toward her ever so slightly and saw Santana's hand drop from its position on the doorknob and she took a deep breath before speaking calmly, slowly and clearly, the way her Mom had told her that she should.

"I know that you're upset, and that you didn't mean to be like that, Santana. But you hurt my feelings. And that isn't ok." Brittany paused and took another deep breath. "And if you do it again, I'm going to go home and sleep in my own bed tonight because I won't let you treat me like this. No matter how bad you're feeling." Brittany went back to staring at her hands, focusing on her own fingers weaving together in her lap. She jumped when Santana's feet came into view on the carpet next to hers, but stubbornly kept her head down, knowing she would cave in if she looked up into Santana's eyes. She had to be strong; she had to stand by her words. Leroy and her Mom had both told her that even though Santana was having a really tough time right now that she couldn't let her walk all over her anymore. They had told her that she had to learn that she couldn't take her anger and hurt out on the people around her. It wasn't ok and more than that it wasn't _fair. _Brittany was jolted out of her thoughts when a gentle hand landed on the back of her head, fingers stroking gently through her hair. Brittany kept her head still and after a few long moments she felt Santana's cheek come to rest on the top of her head. She heard Santana swallowing convulsively and then a little sniffle from above her. Brittany felt her resolve slipping and ventured out a hand to rest it on Santana's hip, stroking her thumb over her abdomen once. Santana shifted and lowered herself to sit in Brittany's lap. She cupped Brittany's face and brushed her lips over Brittany's once before wrapping her arms around her neck and hugging her tightly. After a few moments she shifted so that Brittany's head was cradled against her chest and began carding her fingers through her hair, lightly scratching her fingers against her scalp as she did. Brittany sighed at the pleasant sensation and burrowed her head tighter against Santana. She knew that this was one of Santana's moments of showing her she was sorry instead of telling her. Brittany knew she should probably be annoyed by that but she couldn't find it in herself to be with Santana stroking her hair and making her feel so good. Brittany was so focussed on Santana's gentle fingers that she almost missed the words Santana whispered against the top of her head.

"You deserve so much better than me Britt-Britt. I'm not good." Santana tried to stand up and move away, but Brittany held tight, keeping her where she was as she lifted her head to look at her girlfriend.

"You're wrong," Brittany said softly, angling her head to try and catch Santana's eyes. Santana stubbornly turned her head away and Brittany huffed, letting go of her to cup at her cheeks, gently but firmly guiding her face back around to hers. "Hey, hey," she started, but she was cut off when Santana leapt up off of her lap, wrenching her face out of her hands. In her haste to get away and not have to face the situation, the normally graceful Santana tripped over her own feet and landed sprawled on her butt on the floor. Brittany watched sadly as Santana's cheeks flushed bright red in embarrassment and then her lip began to tremble and her eyes filled with tears. She wanted nothing more than to get down on her knees and pull her into her arms but she knew that Santana would refuse it. "Oh Santana," she sighed instead.

"You shouldn't want me. You shouldn't love me. Even my own parents don't love me," Santana angrily wiped at her eyes with her sleeve.

"You shouldn't think you're unlovable," Brittany said patiently, sliding down to sit on the floor with her back against the bed. "You're not unlovable. Do you know how I know?"

"How?" the single word came out as a sob.

"Because lots of people love you Santana. Cash loves you. Marley loves you. Danielle tells people you're her adopted sister so I know she loves you. My Mom and Dad love you. Quinn loves you like a sister, even after all of the crap we've all been through. The Glee Club love you in their own weird little way," Brittany looked down at her hands as she went silent for a moment. "But most of all I know you're loveable because _I_ love you," she finished simply, looking up into chocolate brown eyes that were now staring up into hers, putting as much feeling behind those words as she possibly could. Santana looked down at her hands and let out the cutest little mix between a sniffle and a hiccup that Brittany had ever heard, before slowly stretching out her leg and nudging her foot against Brittany. Brittany smiled, knowing that she was getting through. She reached down and stroked the top of Santana's bare foot gently, soothingly until Santana carefully began to shuffle closer to her. As Santana turned herself around Brittany held out her arm so that Santana could shuffle against her and tuck into her side. When she was settled Brittany stroked her arm and spoke gently against her hair. "You gotta talk to me Santana. You gotta let me in your head. I can't help you if you don't let me in." Santana shuddered against her and sniffled lightly.

"I know. But I don't want to let you in," Brittany reeled back a little bit, but Santana reached for her, pulling her back. "I don't want to let you in because it's dark and scary in my head. I don't want to make you sad," she explained sadly.

"Santana you're making me sad anyway," Brittany replied honestly. "Because when you stay in your head and get all bottled up you get _so angry_. Then we get like this," she gestured between them. "And this makes me sadder than the 'dark and scary' in your head ever could," Brittany's voice was choked and she held Santana tighter as she said it, Santana didn't resist pressing even closer to Brittany's body. "Maybe," Brittany choked back a sob and cleared her throat. "Maybe you could tell me one thing each day that makes you sad or scared or angry?" she suggested. "Just one. Then maybe your head wouldn't be so dark and scary all of the time."

"I miss Marley!" Santana sobbed out after a few moments of contemplative silence. It threw Brittany for a moment; it was so out of left field and seemed to have nothing to do with the previous line of conversation. It took her a long few seconds to click that Santana was telling her her one thing for the day, and as it sank in Brittany's heart broke for her. Santana just missed her little sister.

"Oh I bet you do," Brittany choked out holding Santana tighter to her. Brittany couldn't even begin to imagine not being allowed to see Danielle for as long as Santana hadn't seen Marley and in that moment she became determined to try and figure out a way to make it happen. She wasn't sure she would be able to though so she decided to keep her plan to herself in case it didn't work out. That way if it worked out it'd be an awesome surprise but if it didn't, Santana wouldn't have her heart broken all over again. Brittany held her tightly for a long time, their tears eventually ceased but they stayed curled together on the floor against Santana's bed until a soft knock on the door broke their silence. Brittany looked at Santana who nodded tiredly. "Come in," Brittany called out, her voice croaky and tired. The door opened slowly to reveal a timid looking Rachel, plate and mug in hand.

"Hi," she greeted softly.

"Hi," Brittany and Santana replied in perfect unison.

"Santana?" She said, still in that same soft voice.

"Yeah?" Santana peeled herself away from Brittany and turned to look at Rachel properly. Rachel flinched at her red rimmed eyes and puffy, tearstained cheeks but she regrouped and managed a small smile. "You didn't really eat any of your dinner and I heard you crying again, and I felt bad about…about earlier, unloading on you and making you upset, and so I made you some toast and jam and some warm water with honey again, since you seemed to enjoy them last time," Rachel rambled, barely pausing to breathe as she spoke. She stepped closer and set the plate and mug down next to Santana and Brittany before stepping back again. "I…Kurt texted me and he asked if he could have your number. Is it ok if I give it to him?" Rachel wrung her hands nervously.

"What does he want it for?" Santana asked nervously, reaching toward the plate as her stomach gave a rumble at the sight of the jam covered toast.

"To text you silly," Brittany nudged her with her elbow and Santana aimed a half hearted glare at her that turned into a smile at the last moment.

"I think he wants to take you shopping," Rachel said, her voice still small and her hands still wringing nervously. "You have something in common. He just wants to be your friend." Santana had torn a small piece of toast off of one of the bigger pieces and paused with it halfway to her mouth, her face thoughtful but unsure. She put the piece of toast in her mouth and chewed it slowly.

"Ok," she said quietly after she had swallowed. "Ok you can give him my number."

"Ok," Rachel smiled a little at her. "I'll do that now. Goodnight," Rachel spun on her heel and shot out of Santana's room.

"Night," Brittany called after her.

"Thank you for the toast," Santana called out as the door closed behind Rachel. She head a quiet 'Your welcome' as the door clicked shut and then they were alone again.

"She feels bad," Brittany told her.

"She shouldn't," Santana shook her head, talking around a mouthful of toast. Brittany reached over to wipe some jam off of her bottom lip with her thumb. "Maybe…maybe I should live somewhere else," Santana suggested. "I don't think this is such a good idea."

"I think you need to face this instead of running away from it," Brittany replied. "Fix it. Don't just give up on it."

"I don't know how to fix it," Santana sighed miserably.

"I think you do," Brittany told her simply.

"You're not going to tell me are you?" Santana asked, shooting a glare at Brittany who smiled gently back.

"No. Because I don't know either. You have to figure this one out for yourself," Brittany replied.

"I don't think that I can," Santana dropped her head onto Brittany's shoulder as she moved to eat the last of her toast. Brittany caught her hand just as it reached her mouth though and stole a tiny bite before releasing it to let Santana eat the rest.

"Yum," she grinned cheekily. Santana mock glared before putting the toast in her mouth and breaking into an uncontrollable grin.

"Thief," she giggled. Brittany stuck out her tongue in response and Santana playfully snapped her teeth at it, unable to contain her giggles.

-G-

"Ok I am not going anywhere with you looking like that," Kurt commented when Santana opened the Berrys' front door to greet him. He looked Santana up and down with a look of distaste. She was wearing a pair of ¾ sweats and a grey t-shirt.

"You know I look hot in anything I wear," Santana managed to summon up some of her old snark as she stood back to let him in.

"Well that may be so, but we're going to the mall and I will not be seen with you looking like you just stepped out of a trailer park," Kurt swished by, grabbing Santana's arm and tugging her toward the stairs. When they got to the top he pushed her toward the bathroom. "You shower, I'm going to invade your privacy and pick you something fabulous to wear," Kurt told her. Santana balked.

"Wait," she called as he reached her door. "The closet is fine and the drawers except the top left drawer," she coughed a little out of nervousness and Kurt waved his hand dismissively.

"I won't go in there," he said, his voice was exasperated but he shot Santana a warm, reassuring look as he went into her room and Santana decided to trust him and went to take a shower.

Kurt meanwhile opened Santana's closet and started pawing through the various dresses and jackets hung up in there. He shook his head and then went to her dresser instead, looking through the clothes that were folded in her drawers, avoiding the top left drawer as promised. He blushed when he opened the drawer beside it and realised that it was Santana's underwear drawer. He had figured that that was what was in the one he wasn't supposed to open, but then again this was Santana, she wasn't exactly shy. He closed the drawer and shook his head, continuing his search. He eventually settled on a pair of low cut blue jeans that had cute pockets in them, and a black and grey spaghetti strap top. He laid them on the bed and went back to the closet, picking out a black, short sleeved jacket to go over the top since it wasn't the nicest day out. He was contemplating shoes to go with the outfit when Rachel came into the room.

"I heard Santana in the shower so I thought I'd bring these over. You'll need them," She told him, depositing her hair dryer, straighteners and some bottles of product on Santana's dresser.

"Thanks. You know I'd invite you to come Rachel, but I just really want to try to get her to talk to me and I think that might be easier with just the two of us," Kurt told Rachel.

"Oh, I know," Rachel shot him a genuine smile. "Good luck with that," she told him as she heard the shower shut off. She headed back to her own room and closed the door quietly. Truth be told she was kind of bummed that Kurt hadn't invited her, she loved shopping with him, but she knew what he was trying to do and she didn't want to get in the way of that. Especially if it helped Santana.

Kurt had just finished picking out some cute wedge heels for Santana when she padded quietly into the room behind him. He turned and cleared his throat. When he realised she was only wearing a towel.

"I'll let you get dressed," he moved to leave.

"You know you could just turn around," Santana smirked at his discomfort.

"Fine," Kurt turned and faced the wall as Santana eyed the outfit on the bed. She gave a nod of approval and opened a drawer to find some underwear to go with it. She dressed quickly, leaving the jacket off for the time being.

"I'm decent," she told him once she was done. She stood with a hand on a hip, one eyebrow raised and her lips curved into a smirk. It was the most like Santana she had looked all day and it gave Kurt a deep sense of relief to know that the 'Satan' he knew and loved to hate was still in there.

"Come, sit," Kurt pulled Santana's desk chair out and gestured to it with a flourish. She sat obediently and the two of them barely spoke as Kurt dried her hair for her. "I'll let you straighten; I can't say I've had a lot of practice with that." Kurt handed her the straighteners and Santana set to work. They were quiet again, Kurt watching her motions with interest, until she was almost done.

"How come you're here? I'm awful to you most of the time," Santana asked quietly, keeping her eyes locked on her own motions in the mirror.

"You're snarky and rude to me, there's a difference," Kurt replied dryly. He sighed "To be totally honest I actually enjoy our banter. And even if you did have your own motives for doing it, you got me back to McKinley. I like to think we're friends after that," Kurt reached out carefully and rested a hand on Santana's shoulder for a few seconds and she offered him a watery smile in the mirror. "The Glee Club loves you Santana. Even when you're a bitch. Because you're _our _bitch," Kurt smiled back at Santana and she ducked her head. "Now hurry up!" he commanded. "The mall awaits!"

-G-

"No," Santana said firmly as soon as she saw the bedding set in Kurt's hands. "No, no, no, no. I said _no_ pink. I don't do pink," she said stubbornly.

"Oh come on, this is nice. It'd go perfectly in your room!" he argued.

"NO!" Santana held her ground.

"Ugh, fine," Kurt huffed. "You have no sense of interior design Santana. None," he flounced off to put the set back and Santana shook her head before turning back to the black and red ones she had been looking at. Her fingers drifted to her pocket again to check that the bills Leroy had pressed into her hand as she and Kurt had left were still safe. Santana frowned as she lost herself in her thoughts. He had given her far too much money and told her to get her new bedding and some lunch while she was out with Kurt. He had seemed overjoyed to see her dressed up and ready to go out somewhere with someone for the first time since she had moved in with them.

"What about this one?" Kurt held out another plastic package of bedding; this one purple and black.

"There's pink on it," Santana said, eyeing it like it would bite her.

"Y'know Santana, I've seen you wear pink plenty of times and there's barely even any on those-," Kurt started, his voice laced with exasperation.

"I like it," she interrupted, reaching for it.

"Yeah?" Kurt asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Yeah," Santana looked at the blacks and reds of the sets she had been looking at before looking down, suddenly shy. "Maybe something different would be better," she said softly.

"I think you're right. A fresh start huh?" Kurt reached out and squeezed her elbow. Santana nodded slowly.

"I'm going to go pay for these," she said, clearing her throat and turning toward the checkout.

"Ok I'll meet you outside," Kurt called after her. She lifted a hand and waved it slightly in acknowledgement as she continued toward the checkout. Once she had paid Santana went and found Kurt texting outside the store.

"What are we doing now?" she asked him.

"Coffee then home?" Kurt asked. They'd already had lunch and had browsed around a few stores, window shopping and people watching with Kurt buying a few things here and there.

"Sounds good," Santana nodded. She was still a little loathe to admit it but she was having fun with Kurt today, even if he did keep trying to talk her into letting him buy her things. When they got to a Starbucks Kurt practically forced Santana to find a table while he got their coffees and when she tried to resist, Kurt started making a scene and so she ended up caving and letting him pay for the coffees on the proviso that he let her pay next time. She sat staring out of the window next to the table she had picked as she waited, watching but not really seeing the people rushing past outside as she lost herself in her thoughts. She jumped and recoiled hard when a gentle hand landed on her shoulder.

"Hey, are you ok?" Kurt asked, his face full of concern. Santana's heart was pounding, her breathing coming out in rushed, harsh gasps and she just stared up at him, suddenly terrified. "Santana," Kurt breathed, setting the coffees down on the table and turning to reach for her. He hesitated when she flinched a little when his hand brushed against her shoulder, but when she didn't recoil like she had done before he wrapped his arms around her, bending to hug her tightly. She stayed tense in his arms for a minute before she began to slowly relax. After another long moment her hands came up to rest on Kurt's back. Kurt pulled away once her hands dropped back to her sides and crouched beside her. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I just couldn't get your attention," he explained, keeping his voice low and soothing. Santana stared at her hands, humiliated by her reaction and subsequent show of vulnerability. "Where did you go?" Kurt asked, moving to sit opposite her and pushing her coffee toward her. She cupped her hands around the styrofoam cup and shrugged lightly.

"I was just thinking," she said quietly, shrugging again. "Guess I just zoned out."

"I bet you have a lot of thoughts right now," Kurt said sympathetically. "Santana can I ask you a question? About your life before?" he asked carefully. Santana just shrugged and then looked up at him suspiciously. "That wasn't the first time was it?" Kurt asked, lowering his voice so no one else could hear.

"The first time what?" Santana asked, she was trying to act oblivious but the fact that she was studiously staring down at the table ruined it.

"The first time they hit you," Kurt said bluntly, jumping himself when Santana flinched hard in front of him. She didn't answer, just kept her eyes fixed on the table. "Santana-," Kurt started but she interrupted.

"No," she said stiffly.

"Santana it's o-," Kurt started again but she cut him off again.

"No it wasn't the first time," she mumbled. Kurt's eyebrows shot up at the realisation that she was answering his question. "Why me?" she suddenly asked, lifting her eyes to search Kurt's. "What did I do? You get an awesome Dad who loves you and accepts you no matter what. I get two shitty parents who always hated me, who always told me I wasn't good enough and hurt me and threw me out when they found out that I was gay?" her lips trembled and she was still searching Kurt with a look of desperation in her eyes.

"I don't know," Kurt said carefully, unsure of what he _should _say but knowing he needed to say something. "I don't know why you got the crappy parents, but I do know that it was nothing that _you_ did. This isn't on you Santana, it's on them."

"It isn't fair," Santana said quietly.

"No it isn't," Kurt agreed. He cleared his throat and reached into one of his shopping bags that he had set down beside his feet. He pulled out a small sparkly purple bag and set it on the table in front of Santana who it pained him to see had curled into herself making her look incredibly small. He nudged the bag toward her and she eyed him suspiciously. "I know you didn't want me to buy you anything but I think this is something that might help you. I know it helped me," he told her, nudging the bag again. She reached in and pulled out a pretty looking journal with a flimsy looking lock on the side of it. She clicked the lock and opened it to reveal blank lined pages. Kurt rattled the bag again and she reached in to find a packet of variously coloured ballpoint pens. She looked at the items and then back at Kurt, confused. "I know that after my Mom died, I had so much in my head that sometimes it just got really overwhelming. I started out drawing my feelings, I was only a kid, but when I got a little older and started realising that I was different to the other kids I started writing. It's not a cure to everything you're going through but in those moments where it feels like your head is going to physically explode it's so full, it can be really helpful to get some of it out. To release the pressure. I don't know if it's something you would be interested in but it helped me so much I thought I'd buy you your own journal. In case you wanted to give it a go," he told her, reaching over to touch her hand gently. He watched as she stared at her gift and saw the tears welling in her eyes.

"Thank you Kurt," she whispered. She picked up her coffee, gulping some down before putting it down again. "Can we go home now? I'm very tired," she told him shakily, clearly overwhelmed.

"Sure," Kurt nodded with a smile. "Come on." They picked up their bags and coffee cups and walked back out to Kurt's car. Santana stayed quiet the whole way home, clutching her coffee in one hand and the little bag with her journal and pens in it tightly in the other. When they pulled up at the Berry house the first thing they spotted was Brittany sitting on the front steps waiting. She leapt up when she spotted the car but stayed where she was, jiggling in place as she waited for them to get out. "We should do this more often," Kurt said softly. "It was mostly nice."

"Yeah," Santana gave him a small smile. "Thank you for my book," she told him.

"You're welcome. I hope it helps you some," Kurt replied lightly, smiling back at her. "I think you'd better go before Brittany spontaneously combusts waiting for you," he joked, nodding out the window to where Brittany had gone from jiggling on the spot to bouncing from one foot to the other and looking impatient. "Oof," Kurt grunted as Santana suddenly lunged over the centre console and hugged him tightly, her face tucking neatly into his shoulder.

"Thank you," she whispered as she pulled back, looking a little sheepish at her display. Kurt reached out and squeezed her hand.

"You're going to be ok. You know that don't you?" he asked. Santana shrugged a little and looked at him, wide eyed. "You are," he told her. "You're going to get out of Lima and do whatever you set your mind to. You're not going to let them ruin your life Santana. You're not. Because then they win. Show them how wrong they are about you. And if you ever need me," Kurt stared into Santana's still wide eyes, leaving no illusions as to what he was getting at. "You call me ok," he told her.

"I will," Santana nodded, her voice cracking a little.

"Now go to Brittany," he made a shooing motion at her. "Girl is going to have a heart attack if you make her wait much longer," he joked. Santana gathered her things and hopped out of the car. She smiled as she closed the door and waved when Kurt pulled away from the curb all the while bracing herself for when Brittany slammed into her from behind, which she did a moment later. She picked Santana up and twirled her around before setting her back on her feet facing the house.

"Did you have fun with Kurt?" Brittany asked. "I missed you," she added, linking her arm through Santana's and taking the bag of bedding to carry it for her as she led her toward the house.

"I did and I missed you too," Santana answered. Brittany opened the door and held it so that Santana could walk past. She was looking down and so she didn't immediately notice the people in the living room.

"Surprise," Brittany whispered, leaning down to rest her chin on Santana's shoulder. Santana looked up, confused, just in time to see a little dark haired blur racing toward her.

"Hi Tana! I missed you!" Marley yelled as she threw herself into her stunned sister's arms.

-G-


	13. Hope?

A/N: Finally updated again. Haven't given up on this or the other one I promise :) would love to hear your feedback if you have any, here or on tumblr ebony-jaynefic . tumblr . com

This one is a bit fluffier than the others...I needed a little break from the angst.

-G-

Santana stood stunned for several long moments, until Marley pulled back a little to look at her.

"Are you ok Tana?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah. I'm just surprised is all," Santana told her. "Hi," she said, shaking herself out of her shock a little and dropping into a crouch. Marley leaned into her arms and let herself be held by her big sister.

"I missed you Tana," Marley whispered loudly, holding on tight. "I missed you bigger than the moon!" The innocent sentiment made Santana smile a little.

"I missed you too," Santana whispered back thickly, holding Marley tighter still. "So, so much."

"Santana," the soft, familiar, accented voice made Santana stiffen abruptly and she lost her balance, falling back onto her ass, accidently tugging Marley down with her. The little girl giggled and squirmed as Santana stared up at the woman in front of her.

"Abuela," she breathed, stunned.

"She brought me to see you," Marley piped up from where she was squished unceremoniously against Santana's chest, the result of her tightening her arms in shock.

"Get up off the floor Santana," Rosa Lopez ordered gently and Santana sprung to her feet obediently, setting Marley on the floor as she did. She stood ramrod straight in front of her grandmother, eyes trained on the floor between them. If she hadn't been so terrified of how her Abuela would react she would have reached back for Brittany's hand. She could feel that Brittany had moved right in behind her, supporting her and Rachel was next to her Abuela, looking ready to intervene if needed. "Santana look at me," Rosa ordered. Santana's eyes flickered up and back down again. She was absolutely petrified, her ramrod posture giving way to a cower as she made herself as tiny as she could, terrified of what her Abuela wanted from her. "Santana," her Rosa's voice suddenly softened. She slowly reached toward Santana who cowered further away, unable to help letting out a frightened squeak. She cursed herself internally for being so weak in front of her Abuela.

"Tana, how come you're afraid of Abuela?" Marley asked, suddenly sounding a little upset.

"Brittany, Rachel, please take Marley away to play," Rosa had her usual gruff tone back now.

"Yes Ma'am," Santana heard Brittany's voice shake a little as she reached for Marley and led her out of the room, looking back nervously at Santana as they left.

"Santana," Rosa softened her voice a little but didn't reach for her granddaughter again. "Listen to me Santana. I love you. I always loved you. What your Mami and your Papi did was wrong, ok?" she stepped forward and Santana whimpered helplessly as her terror and anxiety rose, stumbling backwards and tripping over her feet. She almost fell but Leroy, who had come in from the living room where he had been waiting with her Abuela and Rachel, caught her under her arms and steadied her. He quickly took his hands away once she was steady again, which Santana was grateful for, she couldn't really handle being handled right now.

"Santana," he spoke gently, his voice penetrating her panicked haze.

"Leroy?" she spluttered out desperately, feeling her breathing getting more difficult as the panic set in.

"Santana come and sit down. Your Abuela just wants to talk. How about we go and sit down and just listen to her ok? Just breathe and listen," Leroy spoke calmly and soothingly and Santana was surprised to feel her panic subside a tiny bit at his reassurance.

"I'll go sit," Rosa told them before heading into the living room and taking a seat, allowing Santana some much needed space to deal with her panic.

"Leroy," Santana whimpered again.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"Stay?" Santana pleaded desperately. She needed someone to hold her hand and help her through this. She was afraid of what her Abuela was going to say to her. She didn't want to be told she wasn't loved again. She couldn't cope with that.

"Of course, honey. Of course," he reassured her. "Let's go," he reached out, waiting for her to take his hand. She grabbed it gratefully and let Leroy lead her into the living room and sit her on the couch opposite where her Abuela sat on the recliner which she had apparently moved. Santana gripped Leroy's hand as tightly as she could, distantly worried that she might be hurting him, but needing to make sure he didn't leave her alone.

-G-

Rosa watched as Leroy led her granddaughter to the couch and sat her down. As much as she disagreed with Santana's lifestyle, it made her heart ache to see her granddaughter in so much distress. She gave her a moment to settle before she began speaking gently.

"Santana, I was harsh on you when you were growing up. The same way I was harsh on your Father and your uncles. It was how I saw fit to raise children. I don't apologise for that. I hit you to discipline you when you were out of line. I don't apologise for that either. But I don't believe it is ok to beat a child. I don't agree with what your parents did to you. I believe you are living in sin and I pray for you every day that you will change your ways. It is very hard for me to deal with Santana. My friends all pity me and judge me because my Granddaughter brings shame on my family," Rosa paused and cringed when Santana whimpered again, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. "But I am torn. I am torn because I love you very much. And even if you are living in sin I want you to be happy. That's why I kept your secret for so long," Rosa confessed. Santana's head snapped up. "I saw you, Santana. I saw her kiss you," Rosa swallowed hard. She had spent so many sleepless nights agonising over what to do after seeing Santana and Brittany together. At first she had wanted to rip them apart and drag Santana somewhere where she could straighten her out so to speak. But then before she could react she had seen Santana's face; totally unguarded and happier than she had ever seen it look before.

"You knew?" Santana asked faintly.

"I did," Rosa nodded. "I didn't know what to do. I spoke to Father Fernandez-."

"Fuck me," Santana groaned.

"Santana!" Rosa snapped and Leroy gasped at the same time. The two adults looked at each other and laughed, and some of the tension in the room lifted. Even Santana managed a tiny smile and her tense posture relaxed a tiny bit.

"I spoke to him. He was very surprising," Rosa continued. "He said we have to realise that other people may not share our views. That they choose to live differently to us and that we don't have to agree with their lifestyle but we should respect that that's how they choose to live and let them be. I'll worry about your soul and I'll pray for it every day Santana. But if you choose to be with Brittany then…I will respect that it is your choice to make. And I'll bring Marley to play sometimes," Rosa finished.

"Abuela," Santana breathed.

"I have something for you," Rosa reached into her handbag and pulled out an envelope, handing it to Santana. "Open it," she encouraged when Santana hesitantly took it but just looked at it. Santana gasped and looked up at her when she saw the contents. "It isn't much, but it's something. And I want you to have it," she told her, her tone leaving no room for argument.

"Abuela," her voice was stronger this time and it made Rosa smile to hear it. "Thank you."

"You're welcome Santana," Rosa replied.

"Can you come play now Tana?!" Marley interrupted the conversation by loudly asking her question.

-G-

After an hour or so of playing in the Berry's back yard Marley started to get tired and asked to go home. Santana hadn't felt as happy as she had spending time playing with her sister in so long.

"Can I come see you again Tana?" Marley asked as Santana lovingly tied her shoelaces and tidied up her hair for her.

"Sure you can. If Abuela says it's ok," Santana told her, running her hand over her hair one last time.

"Abuela says that I can't tell Mami and Papi that we saw you," Marley told Santana. "She says it's our special secret because Mami and Papi aren't being very nice to you."

"Oh," Santana replied neutrally, unsure of how else to respond.

"I saw Papi hurt you Tana. And I saw Cash hurt Papi. It made me scared. I wish you would come home Tana. It's scary at home without you," Marley's face was troubled and Santana felt a lump rise in her throat and a heavy weight settle in the pit of her stomach. Her parents wouldn't do anything to Marley, would they? "Your face is still hurt," the little girl observed, stroking her sister's cheeks with both of her little hands. She leaned in and pressed a sloppy kiss to Santana's still healing lips, smiling in satisfaction as she pulled back. "Does it feel better now?" she asked in the innocent way that only a child could. Santana's heart ached and she nodded, swallowing hard.

"Much, much better. Thank you Marley," she said softly.

"I love you Tana," Marley beamed.

"I love you too Marley," Santana replied, pulling her into a hug. Marley let Santana hug her for a minute before wriggling out of her arms.

"Abuela is it time to go now?" Marley hollered, causing Santana to flinch back from the sudden noise.

"In a minute," came the gruff reply. Santana looked up and her stomach dropped again at the sight of her Abuela holding Brittany by her upper arms, both of them with very serious looks on their faces as her Abuela spoke. Santana stood up and fidgeted nervously until Brittany was released about thirty seconds later and she darted over to stand beside Santana, still looking serious and just a little troubled. "Santana," Rosa came over and stood in front of Santana, causing her fidgeting to increase and her breathing to speed up. She was still terrified that her Abuela would take it all back, that she would tell her that this had all been a cruel joke designed to kick her while she was down. "Santana," Santana snapped back to the present, having zoned out as her negative thoughts played out in her head. "I love you," Rosa stressed. She reached out very, very slowly and Santana's previously wringing hands stopped abruptly as she froze in place. Santana flinched a little as slightly calloused fingertips stroked very gently over the skin of the back of her hand. "I do," Rosa reassured her, tucking her fingers slightly under Santana's palm and giving the gentlest squeeze. Santana nodded, her throat feeling too tight to answer. Her Abuela's hand dropped away from hers and she took a few steps back. "Bye," Santana was a little shocked to hear the hitch in her voice in that single word.

"Bye Abuela," she whispered back.

"Bye Tana! Bye Britt! Bye Rachel!" Marley almost shouted in her excitement to get home.

"Bye baby," Santana managed to reply, Brittany and Rachel echoing her moments later. Once her family was gone Santana let out her breath in a loud whoosh, suddenly exhausted from what had been a very emotional day.

"Are you ok?" Brittany asked, putting an arm around her and hugging her against her side as they headed inside.

"Yeah," Santana smiled tiredly. "I think- I just need to lay down a while."

"Ok," Brittany leaned in to press a kiss to her temple as they got to the door.

"Will you stay here 'til I wake up?" Santana asked her, desperately needing to know that Brittany would be near if she needed her.

"Of course," Brittany replied. "Rach and I could hang out? Right?" she asked Rachel, who was watching them with a slightly awe-filled expression.

"Sure. We could watch a movie?" she suggested.

"A normal movie?" Brittany asked sceptically.

"Yes Brittany," Rachel replied, voice slightly haughty, expression put out. It made Santana let out a short, quiet giggle. The other two quickly turned to look at her, the sound of her laughter so foreign to them after not hearing it for so long.

"Ok then. That sounds fun," Brittany agreed. They all headed upstairs after Brittany and Rachel decided to watch their movie in Rachel's room. "I'm just going to tuck Santana in," Brittany informed Rachel when they got to the top of the stairs.

"Ok," Rachel smiled. "Have a good rest Santana," she offered. Santana gave her a small smile and a nod in return as she followed Brittany to her guest room.

"You ok?" Brittany cooed once they were inside with the door closed.

"Yeah. Just exhausted," Santana assured her.

"I bet. It's been a big day for you huh?" Brittany reached up to gently pull out the pins holding Santana's bangs back from her face.

"Yeah. I talked with Kurt," Santana confessed. In all honesty she felt a little proud of herself for opening up, even if it wasn't much.

"You did?" Brittany broke into a proud smile.

"Not much, but a little," Santana told her, feeling as though she had to clarify that to Brittany so she didn't make more of it than it was.

"Santana that's awesome," Brittany kissed the tip of her nose as she slipped Santana's Jacket off of her shoulders, down her arms and off. She leaned back and hung it over the chair. "I'm proud of you." Santana couldn't help but smile at her. It felt nice to hear that. Brittany's warm, gentle hands ran up her back and flicked the clasp of her bra open. She slipped the straps down her arms and off over her hands before deftly pulling it out from under her top.

"Bri-itt," she whined, smiling in spite of herself.

"You can't sleep with it on," Brittany scolded lightly, hanging it over the jacket. "Remember last time you did that? The wire broke and stabbed your underboob," Brittany reminded her. "You got really mad." Santana giggled. Brittany's hand travelled down to the buttons on her jeans and started to undo them.

"Britt I can do that, you don't have to," Santana told her, a little embarrassed that Brittany was doing everything for her, like she was a child.

"I know. But I like taking care of you…" she paused. "I like loving on you," she added a little shyly. Shy wasn't something Santana had ever associated with Brittany before and she was a little taken aback. Brittany finished with the buttons on the jeans and pushed them down over Santana's hips, letting them drop to the floor. Santana stepped out of them and walked over to climb into her bed. Brittany followed, lifting the blankets up as Santana wriggled around, snuggling down and getting comfy. Once she stilled Brittany pulled her blankets up, carefully and lovingly tucking them under her chin. She looked at her for a moment, contemplating, and then turned to grab the stuffed unicorn that Santana had placed on her dresser, tucking it into the bed with her. She smiled in satisfaction as she gazed at her handiwork. "Have a good sleep," she leaned down and kissed Santana's lips. "Have beautiful dreams," another slightly longer press of Brittany's soft lips to hers. "I'll see you when you wake up," a kiss to her forehead. "I love you so much," Brittany pressed another long, gentle, loving kiss to Santana's lips and Santana sighed feeling a sense of pure bliss wash over her. Brittany stroked her hair and cheeks for a few long moments, gazing at her adoringly before pressing one last lingering kiss to her forehead and leaving the room, pausing to pick Santana's jeans up and put them on the chair and switch the lights off on her way out. "I love you," she whispered again before she pulled the door closed. Santana couldn't help the huge smile that broke out as she lay in the darkened, quiet room. For the first time in a long time she felt genuinely happy. Even if it was just a fleeting thing for now she would hold onto it and cherish it. She could think about it when things weren't so good and remember that she _was_ capable of feeling happy again. With that in mind she fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep within minutes.

-G-

"I thought we could watch Finding Nemo," Rachel said nervously when Brittany came into her room.

"Oh! I love Nemo!" Brittany said excitedly, clapping her hands. Rachel beamed; pleased she had made the right choice.

"Is Santana ok?" she asked as she moved to put the DVD on.

"Yeah. I took care of her and tucked her in and she actually seemed pretty happy. She's so, so tired though, I think she'll sleep for a while," Brittany told her.

"She seemed happy?" Rachel had seized on that as Brittany spoke.

"Yeah, she did," Brittany smiled. "She actually did."

"That's great," Rachel mused, pleased.

"Yeah. I was loving on her. I think she needs to be loved on a lot right now," Brittany told her.

"I think you're right," Rachel agreed, grabbing the remote and moving to sit next to Brittany on the bed. Brittany pulled Rachel's black fuzzy blanket over and spread it over both of them, snuggling down against the pillows when she was done. Rachel looked over at her and she smiled brightly and nodded toward the screen. Rachel smiled back and hit play. About 20 minutes into the movie Rachel found herself more interested in watching Brittany watch the movie than actually watching it herself. Brittany had obviously seen it a lot, she mouthed along with the dialogue quite often, her face was lit up and she looked so young in that moment. Rachel wondered how Brittany's mind worked. When they were children Brittany had always acted a little young for her age and she could remember Kate and Ricky playing along and often babying her, but she had never been 'dumb' as such back then. She marched to the beat of her own drummer that was for sure, and she seemed to live in a much happier more magical world than most of the people around her but she had been so bright then. Not that she wasn't bright now; Rachel had certainly seen plenty of evidence of that in the days since Santana had moved in, but she had changed a lot. At school she acted dumb, she failed all of her classes, she had a tendency to come out with the most random of comments at the weirdest times and sometimes she seemed like a small child. She seemed so lost and confused most of the time. Rachel knew that a lot of people at school actually thought she was intellectually handicapped. She couldn't figure out what that was all about. It was obviously an act, but how conscious Brittany was of it she didn't know. Rachel thought back to when Santana had had that first panic attack and remembered how Brittany had seemed to revert to that lost, confused, childish state as her walls came up and wondered if maybe it was a front.

"Rach," a gentle voice broke her out of her reverie. "You're missing it," Brittany scolded lightly.

"Sorry. I was thinking," Rachel apologised.

"You were staring at me. I felt like you were trying to read my mind. Are you a mind reader Rachel?" Rachel frowned as Brittany did almost exactly what she had just been thinking about. Her walls came up and she was already reverting.

"Why do you do that?" Rachel asked before she could stop herself.

"Do what?" Brittany asked.

"Your defences come up and then you act like a child. You're an intelligent girl Brittany, you've shown that a lot in the last week and a bit, how come you fail classes and act like you aren't at school? I don't understand you," Rachel blurted out in a rush. Brittany's face clouded and she almost looked angry. She stayed silent with that look on her face for long moments, so long that Rachel was about to apologise for upsetting her when she spoke, anger lacing her voice.

"Because it's what they all expect from me. At first the failing was because of what Quinn and Santana made me do to you. I was so stressed and upset that I couldn't concentrate. None of those teachers had known me before so none of them noticed my grades were actually slipping, not just bad. All they saw was a blonde, slutty cheerleader and they judged me on that. They thought I must be dumb too," Brittany paused for a breath and Rachel cut in.

"You're not slutty," she said softly. Brittany smiled wanly.

"Thanks Rachel but we both know that's crap," she said tightly. "I was miserable that year. I found that living in my own little world was easier than the real one. And when I was dumb and randomly made stupid comments, people left me alone. Santana got more protective and Quinn didn't push me to be mean as much. In the summer between freshman and sophomore year I finally had enough. I got my Mom to take me to the doctor. They diagnosed me with depression and gave me some pills. But when I got back to school I realised that all of the teachers still just expected me to fail everything. They still always expected me to be dumb, blonde Brittany, who makes stupid random comments that make no sense. I guess it just became a wall to hide behind, to keep people out. And eventually when you have everyone believing that you're too dumb to pass anything…you start to believe it too, and you just stop trying. Now I'm so far behind, I don't think there's any chance of me ever catching up," Brittany said sadly.

"You're not too dumb to pass anything. You're smart, so so smart Brittany. You're one of the smartest people I know," Rachel said, her own voice sad that Brittany felt that way. "I'm sorry you had to feel so sad," she whispered. It sounded awkward coming out but Brittany didn't seem to notice that. She just regarded Rachel seriously for long moments, a look of disbelief on her face, before she shuffled closer and rested her head on Rachel's chest.

"Dory's my favourite, I get confused a lot too. Last summer people thought I went on vacation, but actually I got lost in the sewers. I got confused and couldn't find my way out," she said flatly, emotionlessly and Rachel swore she felt her heart crack. Brittany's defences had just slammed into place with a vengeance. Rachel lifted a hand to rest it on Brittany's head where it rested over her heart. She stroked her hair gently as she tuned back into the movie, hoping it would settle her and make her feel better.

-G-

"Whoa!" Rachel jerked awake when she registered the bed moving. She bolted upright, heart racing, wide-eyed and confused, trying to figure out what was going on. She let out the breath she had been unconsciously holding when she saw Santana, frozen in place, on her bed. "Hey," Rachel huffed a out a slight laugh, taking in Santana's posture and guilty face. She had clearly been trying to crawl up the bed and sneak herself into the small gap between Brittany and the wall that Rachel's bed was pressed up against without anyone noticing. When Rachel had sat up she had frozen on her hands and knees on the bottom edge of the bed with one hand and knee on either side of Brittany's legs. Her facial expression was that of a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar and Rachel couldn't help another giggle from escaping. "Sorry," she apologised, covering her mouth. "You just look _so_ guilty right now."

"Sorry," Santana apologised, moving to get off the bed.

"No, no!" Rachel gestured for her to carry on. "It's ok, really. Your face was just funny."

"Your face is funny," Santana retorted haughtily and Rachel sniggered.

"Wow. That was spectacularly lame for you but I'm glad to hear you trying to summon up your old snark," she commented. Santana glared as she carefully crawled over Brittany and lay down next to her. Brittany had been on her back, but as soon as she felt Santana's smaller body curl in against hers she shifted onto her side and threw an arm over her protectively. She snuffled and stirred a little bit, her eyes fluttering slightly, but when Santana lifted a hand and stroked her knuckles over her forehead they fell closed again and her face relaxed back into the peacefulness of sleep. Rachel watched them in awe, slightly jealous.

"What? Why do you always watch us like that?" Santana asked defensively, her hard, bitchy schoolyard persona starting to show. "Are we that weird to you?" Rachel just laughed softly and shook her head.

"I watch you because the two of you are so beautiful together. That's all," Rachel told her. Santana face shifted from defensive to a little bit stunned. "There's so much love between you. I'm a little envious of that. It's everything I've ever wanted in a relationship," she frowned at that.

"You've not been with Finnocence for that long. If you work at it you'll get it," Santana mumbled, kind of embarrassed that Rachel was envious of her and Brittany.

"I'm not so sure," Rachel shrugged.

"Even if we never admitted it, never made it official, denied it like the world depended on it, we've essentially been in a relationship of sorts since we were thirteen," Santana admitted softly. She was higher on the bed than Brittany and she curled around until she could hide her face against soft blonde hair. "Give it time."

"I don't think we'll ever be like you," Rachel shook her head. "Because I don't think we'll ever go through half of the struggles that you two have. Only having each other to cling to, having to hide all of the time? I think that brings a closeness that most couples can only dream of," Rachel replied, speaking cautiously and hoping she didn't upset Santana by saying it. Santana lay quietly, face buried in Brittany's soft, sweet smelling hair for a long time before she spoke again.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"For what?" Rachel asked, confused. Santana hid her face even more.

"Everything," she mumbled evasively.

"Tana? Why you hiding?" a sleepy mumble came from between them. Brittany lifted her arm from around Santana's waist and dragged it sleepily up above her own head to pet Santana's hair.

"No reason Britt," Santana replied. "Go back to sleep."

"Wanna sleep with you," Brittany mumbled, arms securing themselves around Santana's face. "In your room," she added, nuzzling her face into Santana's chest.

"Ok. Come on then before you fall asleep again," Santana laughed lightly when Brittany forced her eyes open, blinking owlishly as she struggled to keep them open.

"Thanks for the movie Rach," Brittany mumbled to Rachel as she climbed over her and padded out of the room, rubbing her eyes.

"You're welcome," Rachel called after her.

"I better make sure she finds the right room," Santana told Rachel.

"Does she still fall asleep in weird places?" Rachel asked.

"Oh yeah," Santana nodded. "Yeah she does." She left Rachel giggling to herself as she went to find Brittany.

Brittany had managed to find the right room and was curled in a tiny ball, upside down on the end of Santana's bed and was almost asleep again already.

"Aw Britt," Santana sighed, reaching down to turn her the right way up and tug her up so that her head rested on the pillows. She tucked her in and switched the light off before climbing in next to her. "Love you," she mumbled softly as she curled into Brittany's soft, warm body. Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana as she mumbled something that sounded vaguely like 'Love you too' and pulled her tighter against her.

Once again, Santana was sound asleep in minutes.

-G-


End file.
